I blame myself and no one else. I allowed it to happen therefore it is my fault. You see…
… you don’t have to wait for someone to treat you bad repeatedly. All it takes is once, and if they get away with it that once if they know they can treat you like that, then it sets the pattern for the future.
Are you familiar with the story of the frog in a pot of boiling water? That and those occasional good times that make you doubt if you are overreacting giving you the feeling that things are not so bad after all and a glimpse of hope that maybe someday it would actually get better.
But of course, it won’t!
And whose fault is that?
One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.
Thank God for that.
I might have been abused, used, humiliated and insulted but my core is whole, undamaged and untouched. My integrity and dignity are intact. I’m still the same person I was. Only wiser, stronger, sober.
And the nightmares…
They come less and less frequent these days.
Perhaps someday it will stop altogether.
But I am not looking forward to that.
It’s okay as it is.
I know now that no one can hurt me unless I allowed it.