What I feel these days? I don’t know anymore. It is nothing like I’ve felt before but, whatever it is, it’s overlaid with so many other emotions that it’s difficult to isolate…
All posts by impossiblebebong
My Birth Month
“August rain: the best of the summer gone, and the new fall not yet born. The odd uneven time.”
― Sylvia Plath
Saturday Trivia
And here we are… Listening to The Last Summer Song. Appreciating every single sun ray. Dancing in the most beautiful sunsets. Enjoying silence and unity with nature. Daydreaming in the shadows of weary oaks. Gathering wildflowers while wearing a linen dress…
TGIF
It’s Friday and I don’t know what to do. Last Wednesday was mother’s day Ascension Day, therefore, National Holiday. My son decided to bestow on us a royal visit fresh from a month holiday all over Italy where he was canvassing for an ideal place to buy a house which he said I could inhabit if in case I would really go through with the divorce. He said he will never hinder my freedom since we will never be married. Nice to know I have some options.
We ended up taking a very long walk of 12 kilometers along the coast. Far too far for my limit these days. The outcome is I was flat and out yesterday and just about alive today. I want to go to the shopping mall for no specific reason other than to buy a massage oil for my aching bones. I gulped down a shortbread raspberry tart (a big no-no for my gluten and lactose intolerance but what the heck) with real green tea in the hope of perhaps it could revive me but only succeeded to make me feel heavy and bloat my tummy. When I’m going to learn?
I’m off to take a bath now to feel human again. Till next time and Happy Weekend!
What Is Your Addiction?
I don’t have one.
I do have a fixation problem once in a while but it doesn’t last very long. For the moment it is succulents and cacti. It used to be scarves, then handbags, then blazers then shoes or pizza. My son’s poison is coffee. For D. anything sweet, in particular chocolates, but cakes and ice creams will do. He’s onto it too much that he hallucinates if he can’t eat any of those within three days. My Ex’s weakness is more lethal: alcohol. It’s a habit, a dependency, an enslavement it cost him our marriage and I heard that history is about to repeat itself. I hope not. I hope that he learned already his lessons but does leopard really lost his spots?
How about you? What is your addiction?
The Sweet Sound Of Basil
It must have felt woefully out of place
like the refugee placing a bowl of water safely
on his windowsill, front row seats
the spectacle: the moon reflects a stolen
memory
Also peculiar, the soul whose words want
so badly, but don’t answer to the self-portrait of
kings, whilst these fingertips understandably
caress: the land cannot belong, the land longs to be
rooted
That’s how we became the gardener and his basil
green power in between
Our sound is loud and clearly
wickedly misplaced.
(My only son K, wrote this poem)
The Devil You Know
“Walls have ears.
Doors have eyes.
Trees have voices.
Beasts tell lies.
Beware the rain.
Beware the snow.
Beware the man
You think you know.
-Songs of Sapphique”
The Truth About Forever
“He wasn’t the type for displays of affection, either verbal or not. He was disgusted by couples that made out in the hallways between classes and got annoyed at even the slightest sappy moments in movies. But I knew he cared about me: he just conveyed it more subtly, as concise with expressing this emotion as he was with everything else. It was in the way he’d put his hand on the small of my back, for instance, or how he’d smile at me when I said something that surprised him. Once I might have wanted more, but I’d come around to his way of thinking in the time we’d been together. And we were together, all the time. So he didn’t have to prove how he felt about me. Like so much else, I should just know.”
― Sarah Dessen,
Lessons On the Male Of The Species
I’ve read somewhere there are only three things to remember when it comes to men.
One: most men need to be told what to do by women. Even sex improves when women take the trouble to point the man in the right direction.
Two: compared with women, most men are inadequate. They are less perceptive, have little or no intuition, are poorer judges of character and, therefore, more vulnerable to criticism. They find aggression immensely intimidating because they are not supposed to and, in short, are by far the more sensitive of the two sexes.
Three: any man who does not conform to this pattern should be avoided. He will be a swaggering, uneducated brute whose intellect will be so small that the only way he can give himself a modicum of authority is by demeaning anyone foolish enough to put up with him, and, finally, he will lack the one thing that all decent men have in abundance, namely a deep and abiding admiration for women.
I have yet to digest this content for so many reasons. Let me give you a few of those.
One: analyzing the opposite sex was and will never be my hobby. Let them be. If they don’t suit you, leave.
Two: my relationships with them were either too intense, too fleeting or too shallow to leave room for analyzing.
Three: I believe (I know that it says in the above article that most not all men and I’m aware that in every rule there is an exception/exemption) that there is no one size fits all kind of thing. Every situation, like everyone, is on its own unique. There is no general rule we could apply to all, therefore, assuming every male species is (somewhat) the same is I believe bordering on naivety. It is like saying Men are from Mars and women from Venus. Reminds me of an article I wrote a while ago about Goddesses And Martians. Do read it if/when you have time to spare.
I think over/analyzing a relationship leads to nothing but trouble.
How about you people? One size fits all?
The Value Of Outward Appearance
I like the idea of a bookstore where books are wrapped in brown paper with short descriptions so no one will judge them by their covers.
Now, how to apply this idea to people?
Me And My Four Walls
To sit and stare at an empty wall is one thing; to have the inner resources, the knowledge, and the confidence to turn that wall into a source of endless stimulation is another.
Wishful Thinking
“One day you wake up and you’re in this place. You’re in this place where everything feels right. Your heart is calm. Your soul is lit. Your thoughts are positive. Your vision is clear. You’re at peace, at peace with where you’ve been, at peace with what you’ve been through and at peace with where you’re headed.”
The Saddest Truth
“No matter how much suffering you went through, you never wanted to let go of those memories.”
― Haruki Murakami
Isn’t it just?
Though sometimes I wish I have or would develop an amnesia. Selective amnesia for that matter. But then again I thought: the past and my experience sum me up, they made me the person I am today, laughter, tears and pain included. They are lessons learned in a hard way and I wonder if without them I will be still that naive starry-eyed chick I once been. Would I be this knowledgeable, compassionate, emphatic, pragmatic if I never went through that ordeal? I guess not. I guess I just have to accept that:
“My yesterdays walk with me. They keep step, they are gray faces that peer over my shoulder.”
― William Golding
And I truly believe that the past is what makes me strong, keeping me in check and stopping me to fall victim to circumstances and abling me to view this life in a very sober manner and at the same time making me appreciative of the little miracles that come my way. So, I’d say shoulder on and be grateful for having those gray faces as companions.
