Don’t go into battle with an unarmed person.
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
Never wrestle with a pig. You will only get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.
These are the words I keep reminding myself whenever I encounter downright nasty people with downright nasty comments. It saves me from wasting my time fighting a battle not worth fighting for.
I pity those sorts of beings.
Only those who have serious issues with self-confidence and self-worth and are not happy with themselves have an urge to belittle others and stand on someone else’s back to look tall.
Because if one is satisfied with who they are, they will never seek validation from other people and they will never feel the need to put down others to feel good about themselves.
Not so easy at times. Some people have a knack in provoking but recognize a hopeless situation when you see one. You can never argue with someone who has a limited cranial capacity. You will lose every time.
So next time you find yourself in this situation, say to yourself: I don’t wrestle with a pig… and simply walk away.
A long time ago I forced myself to write about something that hurts me the most. You can read it here.
Yesterday, I found via Facebook that the person is dead. Too young! Too soon! But then again, under the circumstances, perhaps it is for the best.
When she died, I have no idea. I will not ask. I stop talking to them millions of years ago. I’m not going to start now.
How she died, I don’t want to know. Living on the streets says enough. I could imagine hundreds of different scenarios. None of them good. She had been beaten up, raped, wounded and God knows what in the past. It hurts to remember. It hurts to think. It hurts to imagine.
Now, she’s gone. End of her sufferings. She lived a hard life. Never known love.
If I have a place in heaven and if there is truly a God, please, give mine to her. She deserves it more than anyone I know.
Rest in peace sister. May you find love and happiness wherever you are.
Who out there (like me) is craving/dreaming/ fantasizing about something like this?
It used to be my backyard. I grew up in places (yes places) like this one and that time like most people who are living in what westerners called “paradise” I didn’t realize how lucky I was. I wish to go back there right now. Not to live but to breathe, away from hassle and bustle of the rat race and soak the atmosphere and for a while relived the memories of my youth, when in spite of the “circumstances ” life is a little bit simpler.
Give yourself a break. You’re not perfect. No one is. You don’t have to be at the top of your game every day. No one is happy all the time. No one loves themselves always. No one lives without pain. Be willing to embrace your imperfections and excuse your bad days. Don’t set such high standards for yourself emotionally and mentally. It’s normal to feel sadness and pain and to hit some low points in life. Allow yourself to embrace these emotions without judging yourself for them. ~Vishnu
I was angry with my friend: I told my wrath, my wrath did end. I was angry with my foe: I told it not, my wrath did grow. ~ William Blake
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. ―
Just because I’ve made it all up doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
My son once told me that I imagined the whole thing. When I asked him why it seems so real he said because to me it is. Granted. Maybe I hallucinated the ones that involved solely me. But what about those times when there were other people present, they have imagined the whole episode with me as well? How you call that? Collective insanity? Folie à deux? Herd mentality? Mass delusion? Tell me.
Do you believe in magic? I don’t.
Not even after those experiences which have no logical explanations. But I strongly believe in a parallel universe(s) and other dimensions and I also believe that there are people who are able to navigate in both. I don’t know if I will consider that ability a gift or a curse. Personally, I don’t mind the idea as long as the traveling stays more or less cozy and doable but not when things turn into some kind of nightmares and you end up running for your life.
What about you?
What do you believe in?
A long time ago
Someone accused me of
Not knowing what empathy is
I never put myself in the shoes of someone else he said
I said I don’t understand
He told me it is because my mind is closed.
If he means that I am not empathic because I can’t understand why he wanted to ruin our relationship by demanding to incorporate “benefits” into the friendship, then I am not empathic indeed.
If not joining the group when they shed unnecessary tears because someone committed a stupidity of doing the same mistakes over and over again but expecting a different result, then I am not empathic. Besides, crying in unison (because it is expected or to show you understand or in order to belong) is not a form of sympathy, it’s collective madness.
If someone truly cares, they will help you to improve the situation and yourself. They will make you understand the mistakes you are doing and help you find the solution to the problem, not crying with you and do nothing.
I cry in most people would think inappropriate situations. Like watching (not romantic) films Like Glory, Transformers, Big Hero 6 not because I sympathize but because it moved me. Likewise with babies, puppies, and paintings. I cry upon seeing senseless violence and act of kindness. I cry when I experience unexpected generosity, friendliness, and consideration from total strangers. I cry if I witness heroism and sacrifice for the greater good. But I don’t cry when someone breaks up with someone or the Notre Dame is burning. My heart reaches out to people who are victims of tragedies but I seldom cry. But issues like James Bulger, Marc Dutroux and such, I didn’t only cry, I still have nightmares.
I know there are three types of empathy that psychologists have defined: Cognitive, Emotional, and Compassionate.
By definition: Simply knowing how the other person feels and what they might be thinking. Sometimes called perspective-taking.
What it’s concerned with: Thought, understanding, intellect.
Benefits: Helps in negotiations, motivating other people, understanding diverse viewpoints.
Pitfalls: Can be disconnected from or ignore deep emotions; doesn’t put you in another’s shoes in a felt sense.
It is about thought as much as emotion.
It is defined by knowing, understanding, or comprehending on an intellectual level. As most of us know, to understand sadness is not the same thing as feeling sad. Those who react with Cognitive Empathy risk seeming cold or detached. To truly understand another person’s feelings, don’t you in some sense have to be able to feel them yourself?
By definition: “when you feel physically along with the other person, as though their emotions were contagious.” – Daniel Goldman
What it’s concerned with: feelings, physical sensation, mirror neurons in the brain.
Benefits: Helps in close interpersonal relationships and careers like coaching, marketing, management, and HR.
Pitfalls: Can be overwhelming, or inappropriate in certain circumstances.
Emotional Empathy, just like it sounds, involves directly feeling the emotions that another person is feeling. You’ve probably heard of the term “empath,” meaning a person with the ability to fully take on the emotional and mental state of another. The quote that comes to mind is: “I have a lot of feelings.”
This type of response might seem disconnected from the brain and thinking, but emotional empathy is actually deeply rooted in a human’s mirror neurons. All animals have neurons that fire in a certain way when they see another animal acting, making them relate to that action in their own body and brain. Emotional empathy does exactly that with the feelings someone experiences in reaction to a situation.
When your partner—or anyone you deeply love—comes to you in tears, it’s a natural response to feel that pull on your heartstrings. Like crying at a wedding or cringing when someone stubs their toe, it’s a deep-seated, gut reaction that often feels like a visceral human response. Connecting with another human in this way is intimate and can form a strong bond.
Like Cognitive Empathy, Emotional Empathy has its flip-side. One downside of emotional empathy occurs when people lack the ability to manage their own distressing emotions and can be seen in the psychological exhaustion that leads to burnout. Feeling too much can make even small interactions overwhelming.
By definition: With this kind of empathy we not only understand a person’s predicament and feel with them but are spontaneously moved to help if needed.
What it’s concerned with: Intellect, emotion, and action.
Benefits: Considers the whole person.
Pitfalls: Few—this is the type of empathy that we’re usually striving for!
The majority of the time, Compassionate Empathy is the ideal. Cognitive Empathy may be fitting for political or monetary negotiations or surgeon’s offices; Emotional Empathy may be the first response in children and for our loved ones; Compassionate Empathy strikes a powerful balance of the two.
Feelings of the heart and thoughts of the brain are not opposites. In fact, they’re intricately connected. Compassionate Empathy honors that natural connection by considering both the felt senses and intellectual situation of another person.
When your loved one comes to you in tears, you want to understand why she is upset and you also want to provide comfort by sharing in her emotional experience and hopefully helping her heal. It’s a lot to handle!
Most of us will skew to one side or the other: more thinking or more feeling; more fixing or more wallowing.
Compassionate Empathy is taking the middle ground and using your emotional intelligence to correctly respond to the situation. Does the situation call for quick action? Without either becoming overwhelmed by sadness or trying to fix things with logistics, compassion brings a mindful touch to tough situations.
[Source: Daniel Goldman and Enid Spitz via Heartmanity’s Blog]
I think I am more of the first and the last and less if not at all the middle one.
How about you?
Which kind of empath are you?
… that’s what I always say to myself when I feel so bad I want to give up.
When it hurts so much I literally double up from the pain.
I tell myself every time I encounter injustice and people treat me bad because of who I am.
It’s okay, don’t cry.
I say to myself when people that matter to me forget I exist.
And I miss them terribly.
It’s okay to feel sad, lonely, miserable, isolated and misunderstood.
It’s okay not to sleep. It’s okay not to eat. It’s okay to suffer and it’s okay not to feel safe.
For years I tell myself it’s okay. What’s happening to me is normal. It’s okay.
Yesterday I thought:
It’s not okay.
It’s not okay that I have so much pain physically.
And emotionally I’m empty.
Psychologically I’m a wreck.
It’s not okay that my family betrayed me, my ex abused me and people took advantage of my generosity.
It’s not okay that I don’t see my children much and it’s not okay that the person I care about the most is taken away from me.
It’s not okay.
In fact, I feel bad and some days I want to end it all.
And today I am really convinced that it’s the right thing to do.
I have only one wish:
That I see my Sunshine once more and hold her again in my arms and kiss those soft cheeks.
Then I’m going to sleep.
Life, as we all know, can be painfully difficult at times. Many women just can’t seem to endure all the hardships. Some, however, are molded by the challenges and have found a way to deal with things. Strong women never let hardships define them and bring them down. They don’t get hurt by the fire – like a phoenix, they rise up from the ashes and are reborn.
Strong women learn from their mistakes and see them as challenges that will ultimately make them stronger and wiser. They are an example to follow and the inspiration we seek. The strength these women radiate is living proof that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
They believe in themselves and use pain as a shield. Unlike the rest of us, strong women do things differently in life. They are created by the storms they survive and have amazing traits that define them. Here are some of those traits we can’t help but admire:
They Don’t Fear Emotions
Many of us are afraid of our emotions and showing our vulnerable side. Not strong women, though – they are human after all and not afraid to show it. These women are not afraid of emotions – whenever they’re hit by hardship, they get off the ground, dust themselves, and move on.
They Believe in Themselves
Strong women know who they are and know what they want from life. Their inner voice guides them and they believe it. That’s how they know they’re on the right path.
They Seek Respect, not Attention
A strong woman is not interested in the limelight. She doesn’t want attention, but she surely seeks respect. You’ll never see these women beg for something – they are only interested in respect. They will never ask for it, of course. But don’t give them the respect they believe they deserve and they will walk away from you.
They Always Tell the Truth
No matter how hard it might be too hear, strong women will always tell the truth. Their hearts are always in the right place and honesty is a policy they live by. If the truth hurts someone’s feelings, they’re OK with it. They’d rather say it than spreading lies.
They Wear Pain As Armor
While we all live in fear of pain, strong women use it as armor. These women are survivors and will never give in to fear. They are brave warriors that stare in the face of fear and relish the challenge. Failures are stepping stones for them and that’s exactly what makes them so different than the rest of the crowd.