Thought Of The Day

“I cannot be part of a world where men dress their wives as prostitutes by showing everything that should be cherished. Where there is no concept of honor and dignity, and one can only rely on those when they say “I promise”.

Where women do not want children, and men don’t want a family.

Where the suckers believe themselves to be successful behind the wheel of their fathers` cars, and a father who has a little bit of power is trying to prove to you that you’re a nobody.

Where people falsely declare that they believe in God with a shot of alcohol in their hand, and the lack of any understanding of their religion.

Where the concept of jealousy is considered shameful, and modesty is a disadvantage.

Where people forgot about love, but are simply looking for the best partner.

Where people repair every rustle of their car, not sparing any money or time, and themselves, they look so poor that only an expensive car can hide it.

Where the boys waste their parents’ money in nightclubs, aping under the primitive sounds, and girls fall in love with them for this.

Where men and women are no longer identifiable and where all this together is called freedom of choice, but for those who choose a different path-get branded as retarded despots.

I choose my path, but it’s a pity that I did not find similar understanding in the people among whom I wished to find it most of all … “  -Keanu Reeves

3be4786b-a8f1-4aa9-9115-e2dc021b21c4_560_420

Nest

“If I could reach for something brilliant, that would be the home which been denied to me and the presence of the peace I’ve never known.”

I put this phrase on the right sidebar of my homepage. I yada-yada-ya countless times about my roots being pulled out before they can even have a chance to settle and get hold and never having a contingency to grow and flourish in a familiar soil. I teared up when I heard someone on TV said: “A tree without roots is just a piece of wood.” Why? Because the subject of home and family are two major sensitive issues for me. Always been always will be.

I have experienced countless betrayal by blood and like I already said before, that is the most painful deception somebody could experience in a lifetime. The wounds never heal and continue bleeding. It is not easy to get over it. It hurts.

As you probably have already guessed by now, I am living on a foreign soil. I arrived here 30 years ago and I’m still here. Let’s face it, skin colour matters no matter what others say and want to believe. I can never be white and that brings circumstances. I will not bore you with the details. Besides, this post is not about that topic. It’s about hanging in a limbo, not here nor there. I don’t feel at home in my own country, I live here for too long I don’t belong there anymore. I don’t understand a lot of things and at times I find that their views in life are narrow and limited and like here people are prejudiced and judgmental. They can’t look beyond their beliefs and fixed ideas. I feel like a stranger in my own country. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I expect too much. Forgetting that cultures will always clash. But then again, what happened to open minds? I told you, I expect too much.

When I was still living with my ex-husband I had a constant feeling of being in a transit. I knew I had a final destination but where? Other times I felt that I was having a nightmare (and really it was) and going to wake up eventually but when? I did manage to escape but it doesn’t  mean I found a home. I’m still searching for it. In the process, I lost my children. They become estranged from me. The last time I have spoken to my daughter was almost two years ago. Again, it hurts. I am still trying to reconcile with the fact.

I often wonder if I will ever find a place I truly belong. A home which I can call my own and feel secure. Maybe what they say is true. That home is not a place but like hell is a state of mind. I don’t know.

 73ce76c7900dd390

Mushroom

The Mushroom is the Elf of Plants – (1350)

BY EMILY DICKINSON

The Mushroom is the Elf of Plants – 
At Evening, it is not
At Morning, in a Truffled Hut
It stopopon a Spot

As if it tarried always
And yet it’s whole Career
Is shorter than a Snake’s Delay – 
And fleeter than a Tare –

’Tis Vegetation’s Juggler – 
The Germ of Alibi – 
Doth like a Bubble antedate
And like a Bubble, hie – 

I feel as if the Grass was pleased
To have it intermit – 
This surreptitious Scion
Of Summer’s circumspect.

Had Nature any supple Face
Or could she one contemn – 
Had Nature an Apostate – 
That Mushroom – it is Him!

DSC01959e

Droll

If it means quaint, odd, strange, queer, eccentric, outlandish, bizarre, whimsical, then that is me. Oh, I have my own unique brand of droll self-mockery also. I laugh when I feel uneasy, I laugh when I see something terrible or read about hardship and misery. I laugh when I don’t feel good and I laugh when I’m sad. I have a very dry sense of humour and I am pretty ironic. You can say I am a droll little girl.

where_will_you_hide__by_Miss_Nefer

Riff

Did you ever hear the song “Beautiful in White?” If not, you’re lucky. This one is a torture. Worse than Mariah Carey or Björk (Yeah personal choices people, don’t get on your high horses) The song is flat and so annoyingly repetitive it drives me crazy.  This one phrase in particular: “You look so beautiful in white, you look so beautiful in white, you look so beautiful in whiiiiiiiittte….  If I am in prison and they want me to confess to anything, all they have to do is play this song 24/7 and I will probably end up hanging myself.

But you know what’s remarkable about music like these? They get trapped in your brain and stick with you for days playing that one particular part you hate the most. Catchy songs aren’t always good people. See for yourself if you don’t believe me.

Gingerly

I learned to be cautious when dealing with people. Coming from an isolated background with only my immediate family for companions in an environment where no one had to lie and deceive to impress, we grew up as naive honest individuals with no boundaries; thinking that everyone is like us: strong yet vulnerable, what you see is what you get.

I (we) learned the hard way. The experience turned my siblings into one of them and they never look back. Somehow I managed to escape. Don’t ask me how. All I know is I turned inward and in that way protected my core from contamination. I am still struggling to survive in this world where hypocrisy and falseness are greatly rewarded. 

I did try to belong. God knows I did. But being a copy of the majority doing the things I loathe and finding myself further and further away from the person I really am is a too high price to pay. I have chosen isolation once more. I’m still living there.

Artwork-by-Kevin-Peterson-11

Daily Prompt: Gingerly 

Dancing

Vivian Greene once said: “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” Sounds like a cliché (and it is) but by God, it is also true. We often encounter our true selves when faced with adversity. Remember the saying: When the going gets tough the tough get’s going? Another cliché right? But we all know that only those who have strong character and determination have the abilities to bounce back and persevere while others are left despairing and defeated when faced with life’s many challenges.

The truth is we have to learn to cope and survive if we are not ready yet to throw in the towel. We have to brave the storm and soldier on to come out on the other side in one piece. I admire those who managed and triumphed against all odds. It doesn’t have to be a heroic act (though I consider surviving in this world heroic enough) it could also be simply striving to come out from the darkest corner you find yourself in, crawl from the bottom and climb up and be the best you can be.

I know a family once who have lost a lawsuit regarding entitlement of some land and overnight they found themselves on the street. They have been evicted and their house demolished. The parents didn’t even have high school diplomas and their main income was based on buying and selling junks. Yet through hard work, resourcefulness, and perseverance, they have managed to weather the storm and come out of it victorious. Their children are all degree holders now and they are enjoying the fruit of their labor.

Likewise there was a boy who was so poor he used to wash buses in the night so he could pay his tuition fees. Most of the time he ate his rice with anything one peso could buy in his dorm room away from the other boarders. I reckon he was ashamed of his situation. Sometimes he played card games to finance his school projects. I suspected he even sold his young body a couple of times to get through high school. I still hope I am wrong. Fast forward to present day. He is now a civil engineer and about to settle down with his girlfriend.

You see now what I am talking about?

Haruki Murakami said: “And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

I wrote a blog post a while ago about soldiering hardships and obstacles. I titled it: The Art Of Dancing. A mentor said I have to expand it. Give more examples (like I did here) throw in some first-hand experiences to strengthen the credibility of my claims, etc. etc. I know she’s right and maybe someday I will do it. You can read the article here.

1609569_637725266299652_1668365274_n