Tag Archives: blogging


‘The Art of Thought’

Describe four stages of creativity: preparation, incubation, illumination, and verification. Incubation means giving your thinking so far to your subconscious and then sitting back and waiting or better, giving the conscious mind something useful to do.

~ Graham Wallas



I always let myself be distracted by small details, the troubles that can fill any day, any week if you let them. I neglect to sit back and enjoy the overall experience. I keep thinking that once this and that is repaired and this is solved and that is explained, then I can sit back and relax, savor the air, the scent of roses. As if life were a garment that had to have every minute wrinkle ironed out of it, that had to be perfectly smooth before it could be worn. Knowing that nothing is ever perfectly smooth…



That’s me when I have already made up my mind. Yes, I have an iron will but only when I’m sure of my right. Sometimes I’ve been asked how I get through the divorce, how I processed the whole thing and I’ve read about people who had hard times with the transition from one life to another, the guilty phase, the loneliness, the doubts, the anger, the heartbreaks, and I can’t say I can relate because I can’t. I never get through all these. Maybe because I made sure that before I close one chapter of my life I always see to it that it is truly finished, that I already did all in my power to make the relationship works often to the point that I let people walk all over me. 

It takes for me a lifetime to say quits but once I heard that tell-tale click in my brain, nothing, and no one can change my mind. They can die before my eyes, literally and I will not even bat an eyelash. Once I get over something, I truly get over it. I am not the one to play hard to get, it’s either I’m in or I’m out. I have no patience for guessing or chasing games, that’s for children. Say what you mean and mean what you say and stand and stick with your decision once you decided and suffer the consequences. We’re adults for God’s sakes. That’s (one of) my motto. 

I’ve been accused of being a hard bargain simply because I refused to play or follow the rules. My mentor (who by the way said to me that every time she was in for a meeting with me she not only mentally preparing herself for the confrontation the night before she literally bracing herself, holding her desk with both hands before I came in the room because she knew by experience that whatever I was about to say will guarantee to blow her away) told me that I go on in life like a horse with blinkers, that once in a while it will do me good to consider also other people’s perspective. But then again she doesn’t really know me. She doesn’t know (and I didn’t tell her- I’m not good at depending my myself- if someone thinks or says I’m a whore then so be it. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion. What is the point of telling otherwise when they are already made up their minds?) that before I come to a decision, it means I have already considered other options, weighed and compared them to mine, deliberated their significance in the big picture and then come to conclusion. 

True I decide fast but never in a hurry. And once I’ve reached my decision, I am resolute. Uncompromising indeed.

How about you? Are you relentless?



No words can put anything or anyone in the box attach a label to it and stay politically correct than typical. It’s a form of expression that is open to interpretation. Like saying everything and nothing. Nothing that can incriminate you in the court of law or anywhere and still pass judgment. Everyone can fill in the blank as they wish but nothing anyone can trace back to you because you actually said nothing. In just one word one can express one’s distaste and disapproval and a whole lot more, everyone will understand, no need to add more. If you say ‘typical’ it says all.



What if I get a chance to restart my life what would I do differently?

I will be less naive and forgiving. I will avoid toxic people and will not let anyone abuse me in any way. I will pursue my chosen path career-wise or otherwise and will not succumb to the demand of my family to be their meal ticket. I will not get married and have children. I will travel the world and take better care of myself and will not sell myself short anymore. I will not buy myself a life sentence looking for my rainbow connection. And most of all I will try harder to learn to love myself before it’s too late.  



“Intuition goes before you, showing you the way. Emotion follows behind, to let you know when you go astray. Listen to your inner voice. It is the calling of your spiritual GPS system seeking to keep you on track towards your true destiny.” 
― Anthon St. Maarten 

How often do you ignore a dream, dismiss it as fantasy and then see echoes of the dream around you the following day? What if a dream were the forewarning of what will become your reality; if you are being told within the world of a dream what may occur in the near or distant future, but your mind mangles the truth and information so much that you discard it as fiction?



My mother (when she was alive) had always accused me of having an over-active imagination. I don’t agree. I just happened to experience some things that other people find weird but for me ordinary. I didn’t ask for it nor fantasize about it. Who would want to imagine such things anyway? For all of the things I had experienced and seen, people might think that I believe in mystics or such phenomena but the truth is I don’t. I don’t believe in ghosts or anything supernatural, I don’t even believe in heaven or hell but I do believe in the parallel universes. I really think that there are other dimensions out there apart from this one and sometimes they collided with each other that’s why some unexplainable incidents happened. I believe there are portals to other worlds, other planes so different yet similar to ours and I am convinced that every so often its inhabitants somehow find their ways into this world and create havoc because they are scared maybe? Perhaps confused? Just happy to be here? Or simply to our understanding, evil. I don’t know. 

Here are some examples of what I have experienced so far. I let you be the judge if indeed I have an over-active imagination. For the record, it is not all of it, it’s only the icing on the cake.

Have fun reading and I hope I will not alienate you from visiting my space again. Till next time? 


Images: Witch_IV_by_love_chizue


I realized that I had lost too many people. People who left me, and people I left. People who stopped loving me, and people I never stopped loving. People who forgot me, and people I will never forget. In between the silence of outgrowing people and the heartbreak of striking differences, life slapped us all into reality.

From far, I see a young man arm-in-arm
with a woman, and he is walking as if
there’s spring in his feet. And he sees me,
and he smiles in the way men do when
they think they have made it. 
And I feel sad: I say you poor bastard.
Sooner or later, they all leave,
and your legs will tire out. Give it few years,
and you won’t even be able to pee standing.
He’s wearing a fancy cologne; he makes a joke
and the woman giggles. Maybe she says
how funny he is. I can see he’s feeling proud.
His chest bulges, his shoulders are upright.
And he again looks at me. And I feel sad:
I say you poor bastard. Soon enough,
you will slur, and you will drool. And she
won’t be there when you wet your bed
because you’re fucking old. I imagine the day
when he first finds out the cruel joke that
has been played on him. Oh, I fear for him.
Now, he’s laughing as she almost falls into
his arms. And I feel sad: you poor bastard.
The weather is beautiful today.
Laugh while you still can.

~Honest Musing via Facebook



Don’t ask me if I am doing good. I am never good. I am always torn. I am still a half dangling cigarette waiting to burn out. I always carry a tiny portion of sadness in my back pocket. I am feeling a whole lot of things together to have space for something as insignificant as being good.

If you ask about my feelings, expect an honest answer. If you want to get to know me, then expect to drown. If you want me to love you, then expect the intensity to burn down your guts.

I don’t do things halfway. I don’t have the patience for your games. If you want to be around then at some point, I will be too much. I will either love too much or be too melancholic or be too caring or be too dramatic.

I hope I don’t scare you away. I don’t mean to, but I won’t apologize for being myself. But I will try everything I know to be there for you. I will try to love you in all possible ways.

I don’t have many redeemable qualities, but I know how to stay. Or let’s say, I don’t know how to leave.

Will you walk with me?

~Hadik Nagar