Almost

I followed him downstairs. I can’t help it. Too tempting.

I rolled the tea inside my mouth without swallowing it.

Smile playing on my lips.

I sneaked a mouthful of the hot liquid before I went after him.

No whys. Just.

I caught him under the stairs, not surprised. Eyes asking.

I came to him spontaneously. Put my hands on both sides of his face and drawn him to me.

I poured the contents of my mouth slowly in his.

A method I learned from a lover of long past.

He made a guttural sound and pulled me tighter.

I felt something. Pushed him slightly away and smiled into his eyes.

I ran back upstairs and played cards with my friends.

I cannot forget the looks on his face, a mixture of longing and disbelief.

I like it.

mysterious_couple_by_coozmak2

image: xheresyourletter & cosmak

Future

They say that yesterday is past and the future is unknown

Better focus on the present live the day as if it is your last

I say it’s easier said than done we must simply realize

That no man can truly escape or outrun his old life before

 

In my younger years I don’t used to worry

I go on with my life just one day at a time

Whatever might tomorrow brings I accept it with glee

Bad luck and misfortunes I meet all with a smile

 

Now I’m old and grey, knowledgeable and learned

I leave worrying to God, To God I leave all my worry

In his capable hands I’m placing all my trust

My hopes and my dreams my fear and my concern

For only the Lord knows what truly best for me

I trust He will guide me towards the proper path…

 

(I opted for ABBA, BCBC, CDE, CDE pattern with an attempt on Chiasmus following the 14 lines Problem versus Solution rules initiating Volta in the ninth lines )

Witch_by_love_chizue2

images: chizue

Landscape

There is this secret place in town where my mother used to live
I discovered it one rainy day when I was so bored with myself
I asked someone where I can go I said I wanted some adventure
I want to hike, to walk, to swim, be free to commune with nature

A young stranger said to me he knew the very place
Where I can find my heart’s desire chase freedom if I wish
But the destination is not next door he asked me if I can
Able to walk a long, long way over hills, valleys and mountains

I was so elated and grateful I gave him a fierce hug
Added kisses on both his cheeks I told him it’s for luck
We embarked on an adventure although it was raining so hard
I was soaked through and through but the truth is I didn’t mind

True to his words, indeed we climbed hills and mountains
I noticed we’re truly alone we passed no houses on our way
I heard sounds of some waterfalls after a couple of hours
My guide said not to rejoice yet the real journey has yet to come

I didn’t realize what he meant was to hang on to my dear life
I had to traverse a footpath just on the edge of mountain’s side
Holding only onto a vine, trembling, I was thinking to myself
If I set foot on the wrong place or make mistake I will be surely dead

When I behold the place it is nothing short of magical
It’s mysterious, it’s Delphic, it’s baffling, enigmatic and bizarre
I was perplexed and speechless for the first time in my life
The sight is so irresistibly gorgeous I thought I was in paradise!

So, every year I go there when I am on vacation
The moment I landed home that is my first destination
I cannot wait to be there again in that magical place
For me it is my safe secret haven, my paradise on earth

For those who want to see more photos of this gorgeous place, here is the link.

My Lovely

Peering into the looking glass searching for you my lovely

Oh, where have you gone my sweet?  Are you hiding from me?

I long to see you again, come back, stay! Be with me till my dying day!

Remember the times when we were fearless and merry

Together we dazzled, we captured, we conquered!

Now, you’re gone, they stole you from me.

 

You time, you’re the culprit you’re the thief!

How dare you take my lovely away from me!

Bring her back! Bring her back I need her by my side!

Like the flowers need the sun, the rain, the wind!

I’m lost without her, without her fragile beauty, I’m lost!

See this old woman shriveling? Time I beg you, take pity.

 

How I wish to be with you my lovely, how I wish

To be smooth and crinkled free this old hag face

To be daring and full of life like the olden days

To dance in the rain, to smile at the sun to sing and sing and sing…

But the twilight has come it’s just around the corner

Time to say goodbye to you my lovely, my sweet I know

My heart’s desire cannot be fulfilled I can’t be young again…

 

Time, you’re cruel and unkind…

Farewell my lovely…

 (An ode to youth)

Woman_in_the_mirror_by_nereidi2

Sometimes…

Every now and then I experience profound sadness I don’t know what to think or do with it. The feeling can come out of the blue and lingers for few long minutes before it slowly seeps out of my consciousness like a vapour from a chimney pipe.

It differs from my usual state of melancholy which hangs around my person like an invisible cloak; it is not as half as heavy and never oppressing.  In a way it envelops my mind in some kind of inner peace, almost resignation… then I could breathe rather freely which doesn’t happen often; enhances my senses enabling me to be more in touch with my surroundings and appreciate the beauty of simple little things.

On these occasions, nothing matters but the moment itself; as if I am removed from the troubles and suffering of mankind, the inner peace I momentarily acquire protects me from worries and everything that goes with it. Then suddenly I see everything clearly and feel deeply almost elated but at the same time strong and determined. As if during this short span of time my spirit finds an oasis for my weary body and exhausted mind to rest for a while, to tap its inner strength which I badly needed to face the real world.

Then ever so slowly, I feel the mood gradually departing; like sands slipping through my fingers, the sensation ebbing and I am crowded again. It’s like a dark cloud passing over the face of the sun and there it stays. Nimbus clouds gather up rapidly over the summer’s sky and once again I become my usual self… laden and heavy with the worries of this world… but in some way different; I feel cleanse…

beach-girl-silhouette-summer-sun-favim-com-255942e

Muse

Drip, drip, drip in the reservoir of my mind

Scratch, scratch, scratch on the walls of my consciousness

Now you see it now you don’t playing hide and seek

Within grasp cannot catch, why it’s so elusive?

Run, run, run after it and fast

Maybe still there just around the corner waiting to surprise

Almost have the taste feeling the presence but nowhere in sight

Like the wind teasing the brain better to give up?

Oh, so near yet so far like a distant___ star?

Skip, skip, skip into nothingness resign, resign, resign…

smoke_break_by_nexxd-d8gydjt

image: sakura5192 & nexxD

True Love

I thought Transformers will always be my favourite film and Optimus Prime will always be my ultimate crush and for the longest time it remained true, till I saw the thriller of Big Hero 6 and behold this inflatable white robot that resembles a snowman/big marshmallow; right there in the cinema amidst popcorn munching crowd I fell in love on the spot, head over heels.

The fact that he is somewhat naïve only strengthens the feelings I have for this Healthcare Companion. Goodbye Optimus Prime. I never meant for it to happen but c’est la vie. Not every day a girl get the chance of meeting a man who is somewhat naïve, opportunity of a lifetime, grab it with both hands.

Given his guileless, calm caring nature and the fact that you can deflate and deactivate him with this simple phrase:  “I am satisfied with my care” make him a desirable wife material if he happened to be a female. I think it’s every man’s ultimate dream, being able to send their wives inactive from time to time. Don’t you think so?

Anyhow, the thing that made me fall in love with this bot is the scene where almost deflated he rest on the stairs landing stroking the cat on his lap saying: “Hairy baby… Hairy baby.” In my twisted brain I remembered it as: “Hairy thing… Hairy ball.” Don’t ask me where I get that because I don’t know. I already said I have a deranged mind, have I?

Three of my favourite quotes from Baymax are:

“My hands are equipped with defibrillators. Clear!”

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your pain?”

“Does it hurt when I touch it?”

Imagine that… Does it hurt when I touch it… I long to say these words (and a lot more) to someone…

Bottom line is… who would not fall in love with this huggable plus-sized inflatable deuteragonist with no distinguish features? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder they say. And if your perception can go beyond the shell of appearance into the essence, then it must be true love.

Or not?

d8ed22ee860790f58ad96cf0266b861457b9c7ed

Mother

We will see each other again; I don’t know where I don’t know when

There are so many questions I wanted to ask

But you are no longer here

We never said goodbye but I still remember your face

The lies you’ve told me are arrows that pierced my chest

Why you never show care? I often ask myself

Why can’t you love me like the rest?

The pain of what you’ve done still lingers

Engraved in my memory forever

I have given up the day I sent you away

You cannot hurt me no more, mother.

homeless-girl

Follow The Yellow Brick Road

 At 18:15 that particular day I stepped out of the car and went inside. The weed was nowhere to be seen (so far so good) normally whenever I arrived home I will find her sitting on the foot of the stairs in the hallway waiting. Okay, I can understand that she was lonely (so did I) that she was  alone if I’m working, that we lived a practically isolated life, but that’s me and she knew it. I thrive in solitude (she was very sociable and always looking for contact; in the supermarket, in the sauna, in the street, everywhere!) For god’s sake, I want to be on my own after a day’s work; to unwind, to rest, to think, to be myself. If I find her there waiting for me, I feel guilty. I feel responsible. I feel trapped!

I went directly upstairs and that was a mistake. I saw my computer and before I know it I was answering comments in my blog.  When I looked up… it was 20:00! And I was planning to take a long walk! What now?

After weighing, deliberating and looking at the position of the sun from my bedroom window I decided to give it a shot anyway. I said to myself while studying the map: 

“Well… it’s eleven kilometers to where I have to start, I can be there in… fifteen minutes? And if it’s really starting to get dark, I can cut the walk along the river by about two miles; that will give me another ten-twenty minutes  allowance, and if I have to, I can always follow the highway for the remaining stretch of the walk.”

I grabbed my rucksack stuffed the pancakes leftover from this morning in, add a small bottle of water and off I went.

Some people listen to music while walking/jogging, I don’t. I need all my senses especially if I’m alone. I have to be alert. I don’t need any distraction. Instead, I kept an eye on the sun. I saw it was sinking very rapidly on the horizon. I know that the weather around late august-early September is treacherous. One time the sun is high on the sky but before you know it, its gone. Goes dark faster as well almost in a blink of an eye.

I looked at the map and realized that most of the paths I had to tread had no lights, no houses nearby and woods either on one or on both sides. Fuck! I did it again! How many times I promised to myself never to hike in the night. But every time I made it home in one piece, I know I will do it again. Too exhilarating, too exciting, and too tempting just to let it go. I know someday I will pay for my recklessness. As for now… making it home (alive) is my main and only concern.

It went so fast! From seeing one hundred meters before me to I cannot even make out my shoe laces! Damn it! Can’t use my flash light even if I wanted to, afraid I might attract attention to myself so, I used my cell phone to illuminate the sign I was following instead.

The moon was no help either. So pale, so egg-shaped, and so shy hiding behind nimbus clouds. I kept telling to myself: as long as it’s not going to rain… I will be more or less okay.

I saw (with so much effort) in the map that I had to pass a castle if at least I’m going on the right direction. But where is the castle in all this darkness?

Scrutinizing the landscape, I can barely make out a silhouette of a turret somewhere. Okay walk to that direction.

After a time I found myself on a very small muddy path between a river (to my right) and a wasteland? (maybe it only looked that way because of the dark) there was some kind of fencing on the left which I was afraid to touch (for guidance) thinking it was loaded with electric current. Suddenly there was movement not far away! Very heavy! Very fast! I draw my diving knife from its sheath and waited. Nothing! I walked backwards facing the direction of the sound, relying on my reflex and instinct. Still nothing. I saw that the castle was very near, if I can make a dash for it… then what? I did anyway.

Approaching the castle via an avenue of giant corns, I saw that there were lights scattered here and there around the perimeter of the area; for the rest__ darkness.  I was reminded of Disneyland. A spooky Disneyland. All of a sudden I became aware of the fact that I was walking straight to the gate of the castle. My mind  said: What if that gate suddenly opens up the moment you’re there? What about children of the corn? Remember that?  I told my brain to shut up. The place was magnificent even in the darkness. And the more you walk the winding path, the more it came to focus. I walked slowly backwards. As if in slow motion, the castle unfolded its magnificent beauty; tall, dark, and solitaire, waiting for passersby to discover its secrets, beckoning me to come in.

I noticed that there were no tress or plants near the building, nothing to obscure the view, just the fortress itself sitting on an island of soft rolling baby hills covered in green luscious grasses. Amazingly breathtaking. Simply magical.

After the castle, I was plunged in total darkness once more. From a very far distance I can make out the lighted tower of the church where I had parked my car. Okay, but how to get there?  There was not a single path in sight leading to that direction? Then, I realized I had to go through the woods first, then I will probably emerged in the village where the church was. Probably…

I said to myself : “

Okay, how about cutting through this surrounding wasteland to reach the big road. Good idea. But highway is dangerous. There are people there with cars. One could drag your petite old beauty in the vehicle and the rest it’s up to you to imagine. Besides, how could you know that the big road will lead to the church where your safety is? Okay the woods it is.”

Walking alone in the dark with your knife drawn, scared that someone maybe is there waiting for you ( how could he knows you would pass by at that precise moment?) and in the back of your twisted mind wishing, hoping that it will be true, so you can practice what you learn, wanting to know how it is to have the taste of your first killing if necessary, how it feels to sink the sharp blade into the flesh wounding intently… the feeling is almost orgasmic.

I reached my car without any accident. Pity! Driving home, I was thinking; in all that I experienced a moment ago, still I can’t resist to take pictures of the moon. Now let’s wait and see if it works because my flash is broken.

 Phew! I thought I’d never come back from that one.

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