Tag Archives: daily prompt

Risky

What is not risky in life? Even loving or marrying someone is a risk, probably the biggest risk of all since nursing a broken heart and emotional wounds are far worse than losing material and financial assets because money you can gain it back as long as you got a sound mind and healthy body whereas the scars and wounds caused by emotional and psychological trauma brought by failed relationships of any kind stay and often time never heal and bleed by the slightest pressure. It alters your beliefs and perspectives in life, making you more cautious and distrustful if not outright paranoid.  

Everything in this world involves some kind of risk one way or the other, from boiling eggs for breakfast to getting in your car and driving to work. And even there lie greater risk of making the wrong decision like flipping a finger behind your red alpha boss not knowing the person can see your reflection on the glass door of the meeting room.     

Every choice we make in any given situation carries an enormous amount of risk, even those that we think are safe and ordinary like telling the truth or lies can lead to losing your job or a divorce or a fatal fight simply because you happened to look up at the same time a suicidal person is randomly looking at you, or you happened to be walking in the city when someone decided to drive his car through the unsuspecting pedestrians or you are at the concert because it’s your birthday and out of nowhere somebody open fire for whatever reason. There you go.

Life is a risk. No matter what you do and how careful you are. Staying inside is not a solution since most accidents happen at home anyway. Living is dangerous. You are a danger to yourself whether you like it or not. From the cradle to the grave we are running at risk. Babies are risky beings because of their helplessness, toddlers, and children in general too because of their natural curiosity and zero sense of danger, teenagers and young adults are liabilities with their raging hormones and beliefs that they are immortal. And what can I say about elderlies…          

The moment we decided to hang in there we are in danger, so simple is that.

Risky-Business

Loyal

… one of those dying virtues along with honesty integrity dignity devotion tolerance respect and so much more. In this world when partner and job hopping are considered fashionable and so many options to choose from, loyalty nowadays is as scarce as rain in Egypt and as elusive as anything when you want it. Based on what I see read and heard around, nobody is loyal to anything or anyone anymore. Except for pets (dogs) probably, but then again I don’t and will never know because I don’t have pets and if I would have it will not be a dog or cat but cute birds and (gold) fish, nothing larger. I’ve been devoted to my other whole for the last fifteen years. That’s the longest I’ve been faithful to someone. I hope he is the same but who knows. Anyway, it doesn’t keep me awake. He’s a big boy he knows what he wants. Let him have it. What about you, are you a loyal person?

womaninvestigates2014

Fraud

…that’s how I feel when someone gives me compliments and praises my abilities and achievements. I feel like a fraud, a pseudo, I don’t have so much belief in myself. I find that my capabilities are nothing to praise about. They are ordinary, common, anyone would be able to do them if they really want. I am not special, I am not unique. Most of the time I feel like a fake. What do you know, I can rhyme!  Even that is not noteworthy. Even children can do that. The easiest form of poetry I find. And haiku, they are easy to fabricate also. I’m sure you know the drill. What I’m talking about anyway. My life is the opposite of who and what I am. I’m masquerading through the days convincing myself that this is what I want even though my brain is shouting: “No, it’s not!” It’s for the best then I reason and on paper, and at first glance, it really is only it doesn’t feel that way and I find myself sinking deeper and deeper each day. Fading, till I am barely recognizable even to myself. Am I unhappy? What is that? First I have to know what happiness is before I can separate the two from each other. All I know is something doesn’t feel right. Like an itch that you cannot locate but it is definitely there somewhere and it’s driving you crazy. And there is this emptiness, a void that keeps getting bigger and bigger as the days, weeks, years pass by. My whole life is a fraud, not real, a fake, a pseudo of what I imagine or would like it to be. And I don’t know what to do to change that.

13900362_1055398014510124_997338980895158071_n

Tame

Every night, at 2 a.m. I go smoke on the balcony
Everything is frozen and foggy
I look around and the world is standing still.
Every night, at 2.05 a.m. a black dog arrives
He stops, stretches a bit, looks at me and then leaves
Between 2.05 and 2.10, I question my purpose in life
Sometimes I try to remember the past and I see the fog surrounding me
At other times, I try to be brave imagining the future
I tell myself: don’t worry, something will arrive.

At 2.10 a.m. a trolleybus passes
And that is the weirdest thing
Not my inconsistent memory
Not the shadow of the dog
Not my habit of smoking at night when it is incredibly cold and white
A trolleybus at night at 2.10 a.m. is the weirdest thing
Because there are no night trolleybuses in this city
There are only night buses
It is as if you expect a dog and you meet a wolf
It is something strange about my expectations.

As if I expect myself to be a wild horse when I am just a deer looking for shelter
Every night at the same hour
I dissolve into to landscape and I question my hopes
From the height of my balcony.
After the trolleybus passes at the same hour every cold night
I start questioning my present
I became a bit savage
I talk about poetry and art all the time and I stopped carrying about anything else
I am sometimes joyful.

And at other times stiff, grumpy and sad
I cannot bend down anymore in front of life
And from this island in the snow that became my shelter
I observe time passing
At the same hour every night.

Laura Livia Grigore Paintings and Adventures

1473261972cover-1

 

Almost

For a brief moment,

Entangled in your daily torture,

You almost had me

I wait for the affliction in my head to cease

But it never does

Not yet

 

False speech drowns my mind

Caught in your network of lies,

I almost believed you

It causes me such gutless maiming,

And heartless stabbing of my soul

Somehow it’s better that way

 

There are instances,

Fragile and insecure opportunities,

When I almost told you

Emotive secrets chained to my heart

You’re not ready to hear them

Nor am I to voice them

 

In times such as these

Trapped in the pain

Listening to your hollow words

Whispering my untold memories

I begin to realize,

I’ve almost had enough.

~ by Pixel-Demon (Kathryn) via DevianArt

hope_inside_heaven__s_tears_by_haamaiah-d5b0t6l

Fashionable

What it takes to be called “fashionable” these days? Expensive gadgets? (Guilty) to take lots of selfies (not guilty) to post on social media (I don’t even have an Instagram account) to show to the world how lucky you are? Big house? (Guilty) Big car? (Guilty) Having the latest trends (Guilty) of must haves it things? Jet-setting? (Is going on holidays a crime? If- then I’m guilty) How about a butt as big as KK? (not guilty) Cosmetic Enhancements? (Also not guilty) Job Hopping? Exercising freedom of speech in every possible opportunity appropriate and inappropriate for the sake of being current and involved in the eyes of… social media? Being tech savvy? Even only for pleasures (what else?) How about those current trends on fashionable illnesses like depression anxiety ADHD schizophrenia bipolar and all those delusional diseases and lifestyles complaints? Chronic conditions that modern medicine don’t want to acknowledge? Thinking of fibromyalgia CFS IBS RA, ME and bunch of disorders I can’t memorize let alone pronounce. Changing partners? (Guilty) Ever so often like changing underwear (Not guilty) Adopting rainbow family like AJ. I don’t know. What it takes to be considered fashionable these days? Tell me. 

closet

What Do I Care About

…plants. My plants. I care about them so much I often neglected my own needs and put theirs before me. They are the first things I attend to when I wake up in the morning (or evening, or night) even before I tidy up myself even though I care a lot about my personal hygiene too. I don’t care about makeup or beautifying products and only discovered the worth of a lipstick two years ago but I care about maintenance. I like to be clean though I hate the process of doing it. Too much ado and takes too much time. Especially lately when moving is not how it used to be. I won’t elaborate so much on that. Just imagine a machine way passed its time and you will get the picture.

What else I care about… writing. I do that first when it is raining (hard) and it is impossible to go out in my garden. I do it before drinking and eating and doing other things. I care about the books I wrote I made a copy for each of them on a USB stick and carry it with me wherever I go in case the house burns. I care about design too. Interior design. Cohesiveness and proper things in proper places. I care about design so much I will hesitate to buy anything for myself and feel guilty when I succumb to the temptation but I will not have a second thought buying anything for the house (or for the garden) I once spent fifty thousand euro purchasing things to decorate the house. I don’t do that (much) anymore.

Books… I care about books too. I can’t live without them. So maybe it is a need more than care that makes me treasure them. The urge is so strong I steal them from hotels when I’m on holiday. I will go to a lobby of any hotel check the book corner, take what interest me and replace what I took with my own books that I have read already.

Pictures… Images… That’s another thing that I care so much about. So much so that I back up all the copies I have saved in special folders. I don’t care if they are mine or others as long as it speaks to me I will save them.

I care about nature and animals. I don’t have pets but I care about them and hate to see them in captivity like in zoos circus and fair attractions. They belonged to their natural habitat. I believe they are happier there.

I care about underdogs, justice, less fortunate and elderly. I care about order, harmony, tolerance, RESPECT, and equality. There are so many things I care about and needless to say they are also the things that interest me the most.

Popular

Queen Bee And Wannabe

Why (some) people have to stand on someone else’s shoulders to look tall? And the worst part is: they believe they have the right. But I’m sure deep down inside, they know they are outclassed. Must be very difficult to accept (that’s why) well… too bad.

•Queen Bee – her friends do what she wants them to do, she feels in power and in control of her environment, but this can define her friendships.

•Sidekick – she’s the girl who is closest to the Queen Bee and will back her no matter what. They commonly bully and silence other girls to further their own agenda.

•Banker – She creates chaos by banking information about other girls and dispersing it at strategic intervals, because she knows it’s going to cause conflict. It doesn’t even seem like she’s trying to gossip because she masks it as ‘I’m just trying to be there for you’

•Messenger – She trades information and gossip about others, but differs from the Banker in that her motivation is to reconcile the parties in conflict, hoping to gain social power from doing so.

•Pleaser/Wannabe – She will do almost anything to be in the group, and is always imitating the behaviour of the Queen Bee and the Sidekick

•Torn Bystander – She doesn’t want to go against the more powerful people in the group and convinces herself not to challenge them.

•Target – She’s the girl who is humiliated, made fun of or excluded. Girls in the clique can become targets if they’ve challenged someone higher on the totem pole and need to be put in their place.

_vin20-fb28f6d8-fb04-102f-9d6f-0019b9d5c8df.jpg

Longing

I’m homesick for a home that hasn’t yet been built
That has no foundation
Except for the tears that I’ve spilled
A home where my dreams start to breathe
And my wild things can dance
And twirl in the wind
And believe in romance
My heart aches for a place that’s been only a whisper
A thought I haven’t had but can clearly remember…

— Deanne Tiffany

I__m_not_with_you__but_of_you_by_Romeo_Tango

Bullied

What Is a Planet Today?

According to the new definition, a full-fledged planet is an object that orbits the sun and is large enough to have become round due to the force of its own gravity. In addition, a planet has to dominate the neighbourhood around its orbit.

Pluto has been demoted because it does not dominate its neighbourhood. Charon, its large “moon,” is only about half the size of Pluto, while all the true planets are far larger than their moons.

In addition, bodies that dominate their neighbourhoods “sweep up” asteroids, comets, and other debris; clearing a path along their orbits. By contrast, Pluto’s orbit is somewhat untidy.

© National Geographic

tmp749545824991576064

Leaf

“I’ve still got a place for you in my heart, just not my life.” 

As much as you mean to me, the time has come for me to finally remove myself as one of your options.

The truth that I have come to believe is that any man who really wanted to be with me, wouldn’t be conflicted about it—he’d be all in.

Simply for the reason that I’m a woman worth being all in for.

But you never could quite decide what I was to you—and while I think you did know more than you pretended to—it doesn’t  matter so much what we think or feel, it matters what we do.

And you never did a damn thing when it came to me.

The reality is—indecision can be a decision unto itself.

I used to become frustrated with you because I could tell there were no easy answers and that there was always more to our story-line than you ever let on.

I spent time wondering about everything that lay unsaid between us—but I don’t anymore.

Because I said all that I needed to, and whether you did or not isn’t something I need to spend time losing sleep over.

And the closure I sought from you—that never came—no longer haunts me, because I’ve accepted that loose ends are just part of who we are.

I’ve learned that sometimes there are no endings—and that’s okay because I know now that I can still find a new beginning.

I won’t sit here and disgrace our history or promise that my lips will never again touch yours because I will never assume that I know more than whatever divine force governs this world.

But the only thing I do know is that at this moment in time, you don’t want to be here in this place by my side with your arm around me—and so, I’ve decided to pursue things with someone who does.

You wanted me to move forward and move on, so I am—right into the arms of a man who doesn’t make me second-guess his interest and who doesn’t shut down when I ask difficult questions.

The thing is, I don’t really even know what we were because you could never find the words yourself.

And although you never asked me to be yours—you also never really closed the door on us completely.

But this time—as much as I care for and respect you—I cannot remain in this place any longer.

I can’t keep asking if you’re ready, to be honest and to address things like adults, only to be shut down once again.

My heart is tired—and a woman can only be pushed away so many times before she actually makes the choice to walk away.

The thing that hurt me the most was how you made it seem as if I coerced you against your will—acting as a siren, beckoning you to demise along my curvy coasts.

I was never your downfall, but perhaps I was your kryptonite because even Superman has a weakness.

I don’t know if you have ever admitted the truth to yourself or if lies still taste that much sweeter.

Because you are the artist in this masterpiece, and therefore you only see what you want to—or what you are comfortable with.

Regardless of our tangled loose ends—and no matter how many tears I may still shed over you—I can’t be an option for you when you decide you want to find yourself again.

I don’t expect you to care because you’ve made it clear that you already have moved on.

Yet I still have to wonder that if through all your bolstered convictions, you were trying to convince me or yourself more.

Although I know that I can no longer be one of your options, I don’t actually know how to do that—because somehow you’ve become a part of my heart without me even wanting you there, and so now it makes it difficult to discover how to exactly remove you.

All I know is that no one has ever brought me to my knees, simply by looking into my eyes, like you have.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring—all I know is that you can’t (or don’t) want to be here, and there is another man who does.

A man who I still can’t picture touching my body, simply because I haven’t yet been able to erase your name from my skin.

One of the saddest parts of all of this is that I know I had the same effect on you—it just wasn’t convenient or “supposed” to happen.

But our eyes don’t lie, even when our hearts try to.

And so, with every step I take away from you, I sometimes take two back.

You are the most delicious struggle to move on from, but I am trying.

So I travel a little bit further every day, until maybe someday I’ll get far enough away that I can convince myself neither of us felt anything.

And it won’t matter if it’s the truth or not because I know that with time we can convince ourselves of almost anything.

However, before I leave this place for good, you should know that I meant every word I’ve ever said to you.

Especially when I told you that I love you.

Because I know that no matter what has transpired, I will never regret telling you those beautifully simple words.

With each step I take, I send you my sweet succulent love, not knowing where my path will lead me.

It’s possible it will lead me into the arms of the man who’s been waiting for me to find him all along—or it might lead me right back to you.

Because the pain and confusion of leaving loose ends mean that you know quite well they’re still there, left untied and waiting, in case this time—you decide you really do want to tie it up, once and for all.

“Some things just need to be let go of. If it’s meant to be you’ll find each other again.” 

Relephant: Via Kate Rose

ruki-cvetok-lepestki