Pedigree

…mine is shocking. Both in tales and in reality. At least from one side. Father’s side. If I’m going to believe (which is very difficult not to when evidence is staring me straight in the eyes and based on my own personal experience I have no reasons to doubt) I came from a family of cheating conniving  incestuous gypsy witches and nomad warlords who were/are fond of betraying and molesting each other in all possible ways. From my maternal side, I can easily describe them in few words: They are a bunch of upper middle class (possibly even rich) educated prejudiced narrow-minded tyrannical self-righteous people who have written my mother out of a will (for marrying my -to their eyes substandard- father) and refused to recognize our existence till I married my (foreigner therefore rich) ex but by then I was a rebel enough already and only too happy to defy them. Our very own little family… Well, what can I say? You have to read few of my post to get a little bit of insight how dysfunctional and pathetic we are. End of my pedigree sum up.

 “All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.”
― Mitch Albom

Slight

Somebody said to someone:

“You’re lucky you’re ugly, at least you know people aren’t around just to fuck you.”

And it brought back memories…

…of the time someone has rowed a boat for four hours because I got it in my head to spend a night in an abandoned lighthouse on a sandbar somewhere. I said:

“I envy her -indicating another couple in a boat a few meters ahead of us- he is rowing for her.”

My companion stated the obvious. So, I asked him:

” Would you still do it if I were she/her?”

The relationship was practically over before we even hit the shore.

Skewed

Skew – make biased or distorted in a way that is regarded as inaccurate, unfair, or misleading.

Because of who I am and my unconventional habits (in a world where men are allowed to do whatever they want and be admired and praised for their shenanigans and double standard is regarded as the norm) I’ve been accused and labeled everything I am not. My reputation quickly went down the drain and never comes back. Misunderstood will be a huge part of my epitaph when the time comes. Does it bother me? It never used to.  But looking back, given a chance, probably I would do a thing or two differently, for my peace of mind. But I will never alter what had happened because I don’t want to miss out on all the fun, just adjust some things a little bit, give it a different approach without losing myself completely in the process. But yeah, what’s done is done all water under the bridge now. If only people have no long memory and limited cranial capacity when it comes to understanding others due to the fact that most will feel good if they think they are better than the next anyone even if it’s only in their own twisted imagination. Stood tall and stood proud standing on someone else’s back, right? What a way to feel big and strong. What else is new? Anyway, I have lived a colorful life that’s for sure and with it comes like it or not colorful descriptions and tales (which is laughable at times) even if they are not exactly accurate they are certainly graphic. Sayonara for now and see you when I see you. 

Forest

I walk slowly into myself, through a forest of empty suits of armor.

~Tomas Transtromer

Rebel

Oh, that’s me. 

But then again not. I’m not really a rebel, I just don’t follow the herd. I rather march to the beat of my own drum. The sound is sweeter. 

No, seriously I am who I am and that’s it. 

Some might say I’m an individualist, stubborn, solitary, hard-headed, idealist, pessimist. The truth is I’m a freedom loving honest realist, crusading for the truth, equality, and justice who likes to see a more peaceful harmonious world populated with tolerant people who have respect for nature and each other. That’s all. 

 

Laughter It’s Not

You think you miss someone. But it isn’t like that. You miss the moments you shared together. You miss the things they made you feel. You miss the persona you concocted in your head to fit the missing pieces you were too blind to discover for yourself. Until little by little, that persona faded away. You started to uncover the real missing pieces of their complex and erratic personality. Sometimes you’d become amazed at the qualities you hadn’t seen. You’d started appreciating them more and more, growing even more fond of them. Then the days had come when you’d scratched the surface deep enough to see their more obscure vices, and you started to question some things. Regardless of their importance, you pushed these away thinking that you could work through them, or you just ignored them altogether. Until the false image you’d created erodes completely and reveals a stranger. And only when this bubble burst is when you realize that you’d made a grave mistake to have given so much of yourself to them.

~ Berlin ArtParasites

Rapid

The progress of rivers to the ocean is not so rapid as that of man to error. -Voltaire

If you’ve got it, flaunt it!

I disagree.

At least not always and depends on the situation and the manner of showing your assets. It’s okay to be confident, it’s okay to be proud of what you have but it’s not okay to be vulgar, not in my dictionary.

Flaunt means to show something that you are proud of to other people, in order to impress them and in my book, anything you do to impress people ( unless you are soliciting for a job or aiming for something similar) is the same as caressing your own ego, to seek validation, confirmation. And if you need others to verify and affirm your own self-worth, what you are then? It’s the same as only insecure people have an urge to belittle others to feel good about themselves. Only those who have serious self-esteem issues feel the need to stand on someone else’s back to look tall.

I’m all for self-expression and keeping your own personality and originality but do it because it’s you and nothing else. Don’t be different for the sake of being different. Don’t be out there to be noticed, to stand out and feel special, to attract attention and be admired. Don’t flaunt you think what you’ve got for all the wrong reasons. If you’re authentic, sooner or/than later people will notice believe me. It’s hard to hide one’s own true nature. Like the truth, it will come out eventually.

Just be yourself and if it means being a rainbow amidst all the greys then so be it.

  

Tide

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. -Harriet Beecher Stowe

Observe

That’s what I do (automatically) observe people and surroundings. I can assess situations in mere seconds and draw my conclusion from what’s before me. I see the big picture in one glance and miss nothing. Being an Empath I see more and feel more, therefore, learn more. Words mean nothing to me. It’s the body language and tone of voice I focus on to determine with whom I am dealing with. That and my instinct which up to now never fails me yet.

Even in a relaxed environment and situation I never stop observing and absorbing scenes. People fascinate me in a lot of ways, their relationships with others and their surroundings, and the manners they choose to express their personal tastes and preferences revealing their true characters and what’s going on under the surface. But most of all I admire their beauties from an artist’s point of view. The tilt of the chin, the way the eyes look in certain lights, the cheekbones, and the facial expressions, the colors of the hair when the sun rays hit the strands, freckles over the nose bridge, things like that. What beautiful for me may not be so for the others since beauty is subjective. Let’s put it this way: If a subject caught my attention, that says enough. If it keeps me interested for more than five minutes that’s already a record, but if I want to capture their image through photography or on canvas, that means I’m impressed.

I can’t say this enough: I am not particularly fond of people on a more personal basis but they are my never-ending source of inspiration for my crafts. Them and life itself. 

Abrupt

At first, I probably seem very abrupt, but I like efficiency. There’s work and there’s play, and I always think: ‘Let’s get the work over with so we can thoroughly enjoy the play.’

Tantrums

I’m very low-maintenance, and that is a problem. I’m not demanding at all, and sometimes I feel that I should be throwing tantrums. 

Notable

Our lives are full of opportunities to start over; however, every so often there’s a powerful and potent energy in the air that gives us a turbo-charged boost and makes new beginnings far easier to accomplish—and here it is, albeit with countless twists and turns along the way.

Note to remember: what we think we want or need isn’t always what we get, or what we truly actually want or need! Our intuitive heart knows the way, so it is vital to listen to its guidance, instead of following our unruly, irrational, overthinking mind.

If we aren’t open to change and we do not attune ourselves to the vibrational flow, we are in for a turbulent ride, as we are going to be faced with lesson after lesson, until we learn to accept the impermanence of life and that ultimately nothing stays the same for long.

In truth, there are no beginnings and endings. There is just a constantly changing force, in which life goes through diverse cycles of closure, rebirth, and transformation. Even the most sudden starts and endings are part of a series of events that have all led to the moment when change finally takes place.

If we think about anything we have experienced in our lives, whether it’s the end of a relationship, the offering of a new career, or an opportunity to move to a different part of the world, it has all been an accumulation of choices we have made at different stages of our lives—even if we aren’t aware that those choices were connecting significant dots together.

Therefore, anything we want to achieve is not as dramatic or out of reach as we might initially think. We have been taking small steps toward all that we want in our lives, pretty much throughout our entire life. We are masters of creation, and everything we achieve is all part of our own majestic plan, regardless of whether we are consciously or subconsciously aware of it. The only things we aren’t accountable or responsible for are other people’s motives and actions; that is why it is advisable to keep a safe distance from those whose intentions are to cause chaos and harm.

One of the main reasons that we procrastinate, feel unworthy, or do not take chances to get what we want is often because we feel that we have more planning, more work, and more to learn before we arrive there. However, this new moon is vibrating with the exact frequency required to give us a sharp cosmic push so that we stop procrastinating and truly start focusing on putting our lives into a high, passionate gear.

We may have been hearing the internal whispers that it is time to make decisions about major aspects of our lives—and to stick to those plans and see them through. But instead, we silence them with a thousand reasons as to why it is not yet the time, or we make excuses for other people’s behavior so that we do not have to deal with temporarily turning our lives upside down. Meanwhile, we are living half-lives, receiving half-loves, and doing ourselves (and possibly others) a huge disservice by not celebrating every sacred moment we have on this earth by living life to the absolute fullest.

We tell ourselves, “Tomorrow, or maybe next week…next month even,” so the time never seems to arrive. We hold on to thought patterns, people, jobs, and even harmful belief systems, just to put off the inevitable—despite it eating away at us and causing dysfunction and confusion on the inside.

When we silence all fears and worries, we are left with an inner knowing that isn’t afraid to push forward and get to the place that we know we belong—somewhere that offers fulfillment, peace, joy, and pure blissful happiness; but instead, many of us remain battling to steer a sinking ship.

This new moon is the time to question why we would rather stay stranded out in the middle of a cold, dark ocean, rather than braving the unknown and crossing the stormy waters to reach the calm of the shore.

Mercury retrograde usually tips our lives out of alignment and causes flurries of arguments, troubles, and strife to flare up—purely so that our awareness is raised and we see where we’re placing our focus. We come out of the retrograde phase breathing a huge sigh of relief that it’s all over, and along with that we also have discovered so much of what was going on behind the scenes and who was wearing masks to cover their true nature and motives. However, this is only the start; our lives were shaken up so that we recognize exactly where we need healing, and also where there is repair work to be done.

It is no coincidence that this powerful new moon in Aries coincides with the end of the retrograde; it is cosmically placed right at this exact time of existence for a magnificent shift to occur, and we are the ones in control who can drive that energy so that we move forward and take responsibility for where we are and who we are surrounded by.

The collective cosmic placings on the evening of the new moon make it one off the strongest and transformational nights of the year—and truly it is the ultimate time to sit ourselves down and have a serious internal conversation and contemplate why we are not prioritising ourselves and making decisions that are going to get us living the exact life we want and deserve.

It is going to take every bit of inner strength, courage, and determination we can muster to make the hard, but necessary, decision to move forward—and to put our happiness, spiritual and emotional health, and well-being first.

Of course, many of us have responsibilities and people and circumstances that we can’t just step away from—and that is okay, as the lunar energy always asks us to act with care, compassion, and love. This is less about walking away from anyone or anything, and more about recognizing that we are vital beings, precious creatures on this earth, and we only have this one life to show up and be the most wondrous creations of living, breathing life that we can possibly be.

We all have visions of what we hope to achieve during our lifetimes, and many of us know that we have been selling ourselves short in a variety of ways by not taking life by the reigns and directing our future in a way that gets us as close as we possibly can to what we know we are capable of and deserve.

No one ever said life would be easy or that our journey wouldn’t be full of plot twists, game changes, and obstacles; however, that is the divine reason we exist on this planet—to show the universe exactly what we are made of, and that despite hardships or life knocking us down, we refuse to allow derailments to throw us off course for long, or for turmoil to keep us sobbing on our knees.

As Rocky Balboa said:

“The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place…and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit—it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward…how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you’re worth, go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying: you ain’t what you wanna be because of him or her or anybody. Cowards do that, and that ain’t you! You’re better than that.”

Whatever changes are required, we can do this. We have everything we need within us to pull ourselves out of the mud or to disassociate with anything or anyone that has been dragging us down and lowering our personal vibration so that we feel trapped, suppressed, or abused in any way. We are worthy of being around people who celebrate us, who adore us, who mutually love and appreciate us, and whose hearts love, care, and share in the same way ours do; yet, so many of us give ourselves away until we reach burnout and exhaustion—and in turn, we do not have the energy to share our unique souls and gifts with the world.

Aries is all about putting yourself first—and despite what the world may have tried to tell us, this is of the utmost importance and the least selfish thing we can do. When we are shining examples of self-love and self-care, those around us will have no choice but to do the same for themselves or to fall away; and in turn, we are in the vibration of love that flows so powerfully and abundantly.

“Self-care is so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” ~ Eleanor Brownn

This new moon is the time we have been waiting for to actively start the ball rolling toward a beautiful new life by setting life-changing intentions and putting a magnificent plan into action. Then, allow the frequency of this super-charged cosmic energy to do whatever it needs to so that it manifests naturally and creates an existence that is far beyond our wildest dreams.

Be brave, be proud of yourself, have faith in your capability, and then ask and open so that you receive all that you want, need, deserve, and so much more.

~Alex Myles via Relephant