Food For Thoughts

I’ve read this somewhere:

Family annihilation is not a crime that can be attributed to social exclusion or poverty most commonly it occurs among the affluent upper middle classes this is because of the need to keep up appearances, to present an image of perfect family life, happiness, success. And the higher socio-economic echelons, image matters more, people want to be the envy of their friends, so they put on a front. And sometimes, when the more complicated and painful reality of life intrudes_

_ and right away I thought of social media and the fact that its influence doesn’t necessarily centered on affluent, rich, or upper/middle class family but people from all walks of life especially at this time and age where everyone has an access to internet. In the case of less fortunate, painful reality of life doesn’t intrudes but a constant companion turning to social media and creating a fantasy image becomes a form of escapes.

September Rhymes With Remember

… of the birthdays you will never celebrate or no longer part of

…the life of the people you once knew and still think of

…what could have been if things and circumstances were different and

…of other memories you could have been making but now are just a part of

…wishful thinking.

It is September again.

The lone wolf: 10 powerful traits of a sigma female

by Paul Brian

It takes all kinds of kinds to make this world go around.

But one of the most misunderstood kinds of people is the sigma female.

The sigma female is a lone wolf and a rebel.

She doesn’t take orders from anybody and she dreams bigger than the sky.

16 powerful traits of a sigma female

1) She’s a charismatic, natural-born leader

One of the most powerful traits of a sigma female is her charisma and confidence.

She is the strong silent type, but everyone is drawn to her.

She may not always be the outward leader of a group, but she is who people turn to when times get tough and answers are needed.

The sigma female gets respect as soon as she walks in the room. She has people’s attention as soon as she speaks.

Her friends and family look up to her and she attracts high-quality partners in her personal life.

The sigma female isn’t one for drama and loud attention-getting antics, but she’s a low-key leader who others love and respect.

Sigmas are queens, but they’re not drama queens.

They naturally lead the pack in their own quiet way, and they can become trendsetters without even trying.

Their general desire, however, is to avoid the limelight and do their own thing.

2) High levels of self-sufficiency

Another one of the powerful traits of a sigma female is her self-sufficiency.

She can work well with others, but she never depends fully on others or surrenders her agency and free will.

If you want to work with her she is welcoming and enthusiastic, but she will not cling to dependency and weakness in any scenario.

Whether it’s work-life or her personal relationships and friendships, the sigma female does not require somebody else to make her dreams work.

She will work hard solo and do whatever it takes to succeed.

She loves to socialize, but she will be absolutely fine spending long periods on her own honing her skills and setting herself up for a bright future.

As Wise Thinker says:

“It’s not that a sigma female lacks social skills. She just prefers to be alone instead of in social circles.

But that doesn’t make her any less popular.”

The sigma female blazes her own trail and gets things done.

She’s sociable, but she’s not really into chit-chat or random get-togethers and fun times that are just goofing around.

3) Nobody pushes her around

The sigma female is a winner. Even when she loses it’s just a lesson and an obstacle that makes her stronger in the long run.

Nobody pushes her around and nobody tells her what she’s worth or what her abilities are.

She defines her boundaries and pushes the limits to the absolute maximum to achieve her dreams.

If you try to put her down, demote her or insult her, she surges past you in a cloud of dust and quietly leaves you behind in your bitterness.

The sigma female isn’t here for the drama: she’s here for the results.

And results are what she gets:

Hustling consistently for health in her financial life, love life, family life, work-life, and spirituality.

She’s not going to take second best and she’s not going to let anyone – even her closest friend – tell her when enough is enough.

She’ll decide that.

Not being pushed around is a surefire sign of a sigma female. But what else makes you unique and exceptional?

4) The sigma female looks for answers, not excuses

The sigma female is something of an introverted alpha. She looks for answers, not excuses.

Even when life is hard, she’s on the job and being as steadfast as possible in pursuing her goals and standing by her core values.

In a world of excuses and almost good enough, the sigma female is quietly working at her life and goals behind the scenes.

She’s creating, innovating, and relentlessly invested in her life and the lives of those she cares about.

The sigma female is a conundrum and a mystery, but she’s a beautiful mystery.

While she may appear cold or detached on the surface, there’s a fiery core burning inside which drives her to new heights and self-achievement.

5) She’s loyal and doesn’t let friends down

If you’re looking for the most powerful traits of a sigma female then look no further than her intense loyalty.

This woman absolutely has your back if she says she does.

She will always come through and be behind you through thick and thin, and temporary fights or disappointments will never be enough to sour and sabotage the bond you have with her.

The sigma female is someone others trust and turn to in their hardest times, as I was saying.

For this reason, she is often the “rock” of a friend group and those who others rely on and trust when they are in their darkest hour.

As Brandon Gaille writes:

“A sigma female will never forget what someone has done for them and will always be ready to repay a debt to someone to whom they are close.

“Getting close to a sigma female means you will have an ally by your side who is always going to be there to stand for you.”

6) She’s independent and strong

The sigma female isn’t a loner with a chip on her shoulder.

She’s a woman who makes the conscious choice to be independent and who has the strength and fortitude to stay the course and follow her dreams.

Whether she’s at work wowing clients and earning the respect and admiration of her colleagues or at home raising children and making a home, the sigma female is an icon for all of us.

She knows how to handle her own shit so that she can give back to others, and never leans on someone else to give her the answers or the resources to get a job done.

The sigma female is often the breadwinner for a family or a couple, but she can also be even more effective behind the scenes, organizing and arranging things so that those who come to her are taken care of and cared for.

7) She never settles in a relationship

When it comes to relationships, the sigma female can be picky but she’s never a victim.

She won’t go for a guy she doesn’t want to be with, and if a relationship starts infringing on her freedom and goals she will drop it.

It’s not that she can’t take hard times or disagreements: she absolutely can.

It’s just that she doesn’t enjoy wasting time on something that’s going nowhere or sapping her energy and focus for the sake of drama,

A sigma female wants to be with an equally strong and confident man. And she knows exactly how to empower him to be one.

The hero instinct is a new concept in relationship psychology and is right up her ally.

Men have a biological urge to step up for women and earn her respect in return. It’s hardwired into them.

I know it sounds kind of silly. A sigma female doesn’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like one.

The few women who actually realize that can gain a lot of strength and power in the way they approach their relationships.

8) Her personality is fascinating and mysterious

The personality of a sigma woman is far from average.

She usually has a killer sense of humor, sharp wit, empathetic nature, and high emotional intelligence.

Her downsides are that she can come across as closed off or aloof to those around her, but once you get past the surface you’ll find it’s often not the case.

The sigma woman is like an enigma that attracts some and frustrates others.

It can take time and patience to “crack her shell,” but once she lets you in there is a world of possibility and discoveries awaiting.

The sigma female attracts others because she is not easy to read, but she’s always genuine.

She will tend to attract people who open up to her and are interested in her opinions and judgment.

As the author Madeline Miller writes:

“The world was made of mysteries, and I was only another riddle among the millions.

“I did not answer him, and though he pretended frustration, I began to see that it pleased him in some strange way.

“A door that did not open at his knock was a novelty in its own right, and a kind of relief as well. All the world confessed to him. He confessed to me.”

9) She has high standards for finding a mate

The sigma female has high standards in a mate.

As I mentioned, she never settles in relationships and she leaves the ones that aren’t working for her or meeting her needs.

She won’t cripple herself emotionally, financially, or in any way just to make someone else happy or live up to his standards.

And when it comes to finding a guy, the sigma female will bide her time.

If she has to stay single for five years to finally meet the man who will truly fulfill her dreams, then she’ll do exactly that.

She does care about looks, lifestyle, and social status, generally, because she understands that these are outer signs of a man’s inner progress.

This is not to say that no outwardly unsuccessful or plain-dressing man ever had anything to him, but the sigma female does always want the best – and that does include external accomplishment.

The part that’s a bit complicated is that it’s not so much what others think of someone that sways a sigma, it’s what she thinks of him.

This is often equally based on the effort he’s putting in and challenges he’s overcoming than to a static assessment of status.

10) She doesn’t conform to pop culture

Sigma females march to the beat of their own drums, and that includes their taste in film, music, food, and literature.

One of the most powerful traits of a sigma female is that she thinks for herself and loves what she loves regardless of popularity.

She can take a joke, but she won’t ultimately bend and change just to fit the current trends.

This is a very strong trait that carries over into every area of the sigma female’s life.

It also means she’s a great person to go to if you’re looking for unique recommendations about what to read, watch or play in terms of video games, for example.

The sigma female is an iconoclast who loves what she loves and doesn’t tailor it to fit anyone else’s demands.

11) She means what she says

The sigma woman doesn’t talk frivolously.

If she says something then you can bet your bottom dollar that she means it.

This increases the amount that people trust her and makes her respected in her job and personal life.

These days there’s so much talk out there on social media, in texting, and in our popular culture.

The fact that the sigma woman doesn’t bother with all this junk makes her a breath of fresh air to those around her.

It also means that if you do any business with her or make an agreement she will do her level best to stick by it and see it through.

The sigma woman builds trust and respect wherever she goes because of her practice of speaking truthfully as much as possible.

12) If you double-cross her she’ll pay you back

One of the top powerful traits of a sigma female is her toughness.

If you double-cross her you’ll most likely live to regret it.

The sigma female is not a vengeful or petty person. She doesn’t hold grudges or gravitate to drama.

But if you cheat her in business and romance you will pay for it.

She’ll make sure you pay for what you did by giving you an earful or making you repay for the damage you did.

In practical situations such as disagreements or conflicts, this also means the sigma female doesn’t let herself get pushed around.

If her car gets dinged by a driver she will calmly and firmly ask for the proper paperwork to get the insurance to cover it.

If her boss or someone in authority is being irresponsible or stupid she will call him or her out.

It’s just who she is and the code she lives by.

13) She adapts to change without too much drama

Change can be hard for all of us at times, including the sigma female.

Setbacks and changes are just a fact of life, and she knows that. She embraces this as much as possible and adapts rapidly.

Because the sigma female is oriented toward her own values and priorities, she doesn’t tend to be as dependent on outer circumstances.

Even if a job or a relationship goes south, she finds a way to roll with the punches and come back from it.

She makes moves that are necessary to move on and do her best with the situation she’s handed.

The sigma female is a lone wolf who heads into unknown territory bravely and energetically.

She never sits back and lets life come to her, she goes out and finds it herself.

So when change inevitably arrives, she moves with it instead of against it.

14) She doesn’t judge others without knowing them

We live in a day and age when we’re basically surrounded by rumors and chit-chat 24/7.

Social media, TV, and our fast-paced news cycle encourages an addiction to drama and judgment.

“How dare he do that,” and “she is such a bitch” are things you could hear any given day about a celebrity, politician, or person.

But the sigma female doesn’t have an interest in these pile-ons and judging people she doesn’t know well.

Even if someone is a truly toxic loser, she won’t throw them under the bus just based on their reputation.

The sigma female really has to know someone and see them in action for her to judge them in any significant way.

She’s not interested in second-hand reputation and deciding who somebody is without finding out for herself.

This makes her a very good judge of character because the sigma female only judges those she knows and has seen up close and in action.

15) She embraces risk and adventure

As someone who adapts quickly to change and rolls with the punches, the sigma female embraces adventure.

She takes risks when necessary and knows that you have to go out on a limb sometimes to see really sizable rewards.

If this means moving to a new city or taking a chance on love then she’ll do it.

She’s far from reckless, but she is brave.

The sigma female has a clear set of goals and priorities and she sticks to them.

She adapts to the outer needs and changes as they come and makes big moves when she deems it necessary.

As Phillip Shero writes:

“Once you are convinced that the cost of the status quo is too high to sustain and the reasonably expected gains are too great to ignore, then ask yourself how you could scrape together what is needed and start moving forward.

“This question opens your eyes to resources you may have forgotten about or not thought of earlier when your mind was focused on potential losses.”

16) She hates gossip and baseless rumors

In addition to avoiding judging others unless she knows them, the sigma female hates gossip and baseless rumors.

For one thing, she just doesn’t see the point. What do they accomplish but wasted time and bitterness?

For another thing, gossip and rumors just aren’t fun for the sigma female.

She enjoys her time alone, working on projects or spending time with one or two close friends.

Concerning herself with the supposed actions and controversies of other people is just not worth it for her.

The sigma female enigma

Sigma females can be a bit of an enigma to people around them.

They can sometimes be mistaken for an alpha female who is just unique and doesn’t talk as much.

The truth is that sigma females and sigma males are one of the rarest personality types.

It can be harder for them to meet the right person romantically and find their place in the world, but when they do then the world had better watch out.

Because they are competent, self-sufficient, and determined!

A sigma female is a special breed:

A sigma woman is self-sufficient and does her own thing.

She is like an introverted alpha, even though some of her close friends might be extroverts.

I Just Wanted To Tell You

“There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.” ― C. JoyBell C.

Yesterday I found out via FB that the youngest brother of my late mother died. Away from the family in a foreign part of the country. He was just two years older than me and as old as my sister Maricor whom I’ve never seen since I was 15 years old. She ran away and never came back.

I’ve met my uncle only on three occasions but those meetings had a huge impact not only on both of our personal lives (though I did not realize it then) but on the lives of all people concerned. I will cite misunderstanding as the main reason for the drama. Misunderstanding from all sides and the mistake never been rectified. Partly because I never have the urge to depend. He never (as far as I remember) find it necessary to either admit or deny,. Largely because we I guess both know that nobody will believe. So, the myth still lives and will be a continue reminder to future generation never to walk the same path.

The first time I’ve met him was at the funeral of my grandfather. I was seven years old, he was nine. We travel far to attend the occasion. We lived in the middle of nowhere remember? And my father will never be good enough to the eyes of my maternal relatives. Too poor and too uneducated to be fully accepted.

I don’t remember much about that time. All I can recall was the saw dust that covered almost everything on sight.

The second time we met, I was already in junior high school and studying in the capital while working as a house sitter to pay my tuition. He used to visit me and put me on the front of his bike and we drove around in the rain while he was singing Nothing Gonna Change My Love For You by Glen Medeiros. I enjoyed his company. He was sweet to me. He said my mother was his favorite sister therefore I was his favorite niece.

I did not know when and where the rumor start but it happened, and I did not understand how and why. I still don’t.

Okay, I was the only one who could make him tear apart from the gambling table. I did not even have to do or say anything, my presence was enough. He skipped work just to be with me and only going to wake up if I was the one who woke him up. He bought me coke and hamburger whenever he came home late from work and watched me ate them. He guarded the door of the public toilet in their block so I can take a bath safely he said. They say he was a drunkard but I never seen him drunk. Likewise with drugs. If he was a user, I never seen an indication of it. To me, he was just a pleasant person. Easy to get along with. Friendly and cool.

He avoided being in the same room/house with me alone. He said it gets warm when I’m around. He told me he will tell me something important one day. He refused to elaborate. He said it was not the time nor the place.

That his mother threw us out in the middle of the night I don’t understand. We came home from strolling around the neighborhood and the next thing I knew our clothes were flying everywhere. My uncle while picking up the mess said to his mother and everyone that nowhere in the bible stated that it is a sin to fall in love with a family member. In fact, he said, if those holy men didn’t sleep with their mothers, daughters and sisters, we will not be here at all. I failed to grasp the meaning of what he said that time. I was too young and too naïve. And____

For the record, my uncle never touch me maliciously or indicate something of that kind. He never show or hint anything untoward to my person. Never. That’s why I can’t understand why years later, I was already married and living abroad, he was working overseas, he sent me letters after letters, professing his undying love for me. On one occasion, he even tried to convince me to elope with him somewhere nobody knows us. I declined. I told him I don’t feel that way for him and besides, we carry the same family name.

He never married.

The last time I saw him was when I was processing my papers to join my then husband here in Europe. He helped me to queue for the necessary papers. We said goodbye at the airport and I never laid eyes on him again.

Now he is dead and the truth died with him. So be it.

LET THE FLAMES BEGIN!

Sometimes the perfect man is not the one you fall in love with. Sometimes he is the match instead of the flame.

What I want To Say To My Ex(es)

Thank you for never appreciating me for my individuality and spirit, because it taught me how important it is to stay true to myself.

Thank you for attempting to dim my light so I learned that I needed to burn as bright as I could.

Thank you for being afraid of the power of my sexuality, and the mysteries of my eyes because it taught me that only those who can match my passion should be allowed to share in it with me.

Thank you for being scared of my intelligence and the depths of my mind, because it taught me there is a difference in loving how I look, or how I make you feel versus loving who I really am.

Thank you for not being the man that I needed, so that instead I was able to see the woman I already was.

Thank you for never having the balls to stake a claim on my heart, because it left the space and opportunity for someone who will be brave enough to take a chance on the wonderful desire of the unknown—someone who will cultivate every trait you tried to suppress.

Thank you for teaching me that the love I seek is the one that is extraordinary.

Thank you for being all wrong, because it showed me what right will look like—and for that I will always be eternally grateful.

(Words by Kate Rose)

Agree To Disagree(?)

This past year, I lost several really close friends for speaking up. A true friend is not afraid to let you know their opinion. Their opinion of you or the things that happens around you. Their boldness and frankness relies heavily on the fact that they have faith in your relationship enough to be authentic. Comfortable enough to speak the truth. Respectful enough to be honest. Cares enough to be frank.

A fake friend, however, will feed your mind and ears whatever you need and want to hear and see. These people are so eager to please most especially when they want something in return or when the relationship has “benefits”. I am not that. I am very outspoken, bold, frank, highly opinionated, obstinate, rational, and logical. Hand in hand, I must say, I am compassionate. However harsh words may come out of me it is said with integrity and with pure intentions. I pride myself for *trying* to follow the 4 Way Test. Is it the truth? Is it beneficial?

How one receives other people’s thoughts and opinions is a reflection of their inner world. How reactive one is defines who they are. Do you edit yourself in accordance to other people’s inner world? Is their inner dialogue, their thought process, your responsibility? You cannot do much with people who are trapped in victim mentality. They usually receive opinions/pieces of advice that don’t suit them as “personal attacks”. Whatever it is, their thought process is never your responsibility. Just put it simply. Always be honest. Be kind. Be gentle if you may. But be truthful, no matter how “harsh”. Be bold. Be frank. Do not be afraid. Last but not the least, always have positive intentions. How they receive it is never your responsibility.

Pika Yonzon said this on her FB page. I don’t know her personally and she doesn’t know I exist. I visit her space once in a while because it interest me. I may not agree with everything she says but I admire her honesty and the courage to travel the path less taken regardless of the circumstances. Like they say; it takes one to know one.

About the above quote: I cannot emphasize enough the vast difference between being honest and being tactless. There are lots of politically correct manner to air one’s opinion without offending others. I am all for honesty. But on the other hand, if one’s purpose for speaking their minds is to humiliate, hurt and offend then I can’t agree.

I agree with you cannot and should not edit your thoughts to please others. But I don’t agree with giving unsolicited advice. I am a front runner for live and let live. If others words and actions don’t concern you personally and not harming you or anyone, let it go. pick your battle and don’t go into it with an unarmed person. Learn to walk away sometimes.

Whenever you questioned others motives and choices, it is automatically a personal attack. What else it could be? If you bring in doubt one’s own decisions and criticize them, it is difficult not to take it personally. However, if they ask for your opinion, you can give yours honestly without hurting their ego. There are so many ways you can voice your thoughts without offending. Unless of course if someone has onion skin. You can share your view on things by asking questions, by weighing the pro and con, by comparing or presenting the big picture as whole if this decision or that decision is taken and so forth and so on. Avoid using demeaning/derogatory words and don’t ever, ever be on your high horse. Keep it brief to avoid discussion and confusion and always stick to the point.

If How one receives other people’s thoughts and opinions is a reflection of their inner world, then that much can say also about you. Your words are reflection of you too and your actions speak volumes as well. So, it cuts both ways.

Another thing I’ve learned navigating this planet for more than 5 decades now is: you can’t expect others to see/think/understand/experience the way you do. Most likely, two people who shared the same event experience it differently. Everyone has their own version of the same thing.

Pika understands this because she said:

Not everyone aspires the same things. Not everyone enjoys the same things. Not everyone dreams the same things.We all react differently. Our opinions vary greatly. Our faith is always personal, our struggles are always personal, our desires always personal.

We are all unique not only in physical sense but our genetic and psychological makeup as well. We laugh at different things, we cry at different things. We have our own unique set of triggers. We have our own unique set of fetishes. And in these differences we realize we are all the same.

It’s unity in diversity.

It’s knowing we are different from everyone thus understanding and respecting the differences of each. Conflicts and wars occur when we begin to assert that what and how we are is what and how the rest of the world should be. It is when you believe your version of the world should be the only version. Your version of the Truth is the only truth. When you stop respecting the uniqueness of one is when you start disrespecting the diversity of God’s creation.

For me, if you keep in mind the Golden Rule and put Respect on the top of your list, everything will fall into place.

Well, mostly.

Till next time.

And thank You Pika for inspiring me to write my own opinion regarding your thoughts.

Micro-Cheating: the 10 Brutally Honest Reasons Why we do It.

By Billy Manas

what is it that causes people to micro-cheat in the first place?

I did a little research (shout out to Esther Perel’s Mating In Captivity), coupled it with my personal experiences, and came up with 10 reasons people find themselves in marital sh*t storms.

Not all of them are as obvious as you might think:

1. Poor Communication 

In many long-term relationships, the day to day, “business as usual” aspect can be deadly—especially concerning communication.

From personal experience, I know that when opening up has led directly to uncomfortable feelings and arguing, I’m less apt to bring that thing up again. Over time, this led me to seek someone safe to confide in. When it inevitably became less safe and more intimate, micro-cheating started to ensue. 

2. Fear of Abandonment

This seems counter intuitive at first glance, but it is quite a bit more obvious than it sounds. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of an intimate relationship with a lover who is stricken with abandonment issues, you know that self-sabotage is usually the most common way this malady will manifest. One such act of self-destruction can result in cheating or micro-cheating. 

3. Neglect

One of my favorite Bob Dylan lines has always been, “He not busy being born is busy dying.” This idea is universal—it applies everywhere in life. Especially in monogamous relationships.

It’s practically cliché, but if you are not doing the necessary things to cultivate and nurture your relationship, it won’t simply stop growing—it will start dying. And Facebook is the most common place a marriage goes to die.

4. Getting outside of oneself

As someone who has made a lifelong study of addiction—with too much fieldwork for my own good—the need many people have to escape their own thoughts can lead to a multitude of ugly results. Overeating, alcohol, porn—and, yes, cyber infidelity. Needless to say, it never works.

The emptiness we can never seem to escape is generally a spiritual malady and can’t be quelled by sensory pleasures. As the saying goes, it’s an inside job. 

5. Boredom

This doesn’t necessarily have to reflect the quality of the relationship. I knew a woman whose husband was devoted, thoughtful, and passionate, yet she still found herself texting—and eventually sexting—the guy in her office. Familiarity doesn’t simply breed contempt. Sometimes it breeds bad decisions. 

6. Thrill-Seeking 

Sometimes known as the seductive third cousin of boredom, a thrill-seeker is usually in search of what is commonly referred to as the “cheater’s high.” This is that rush of adrenaline that most people get when they get away with something nefarious or hurtful.

This is oftentimes exasperating to the victimized partner because it is not the end result—the sex—that the thrill-seeker is looking for. Unfortunately, it doesn’t feel any less hurtful. 

7. Opportunity

There are times when things in a marriage are chugging along, smooth as glass, and the one who got away (let’s call her Melinda), didn’t get far enough away not to know where the “add friend “button is.

In a case like this, the man is confused about why a romanticized memory with an overly filtered photograph seems so much more appealing than the living person in the next room who is PMSing and has a headache. For those of us not impaired by hormones, it’s fairly obvious. 

8. Disconnection

In marriage, rough patches are to be expected. Unfortunately, if the bickering and resentments are allowed to take on a life of their own, disconnection will begin to happen. This creates a kind of domino effect because, regardless if you are a male or a female, connection is a human need. And when it’s not happening in the house, it’ll start to happen online. 

9. Self-Esteem

When two people in a marriage stop putting in the effort to make each other feel special, the person who came into the union with low self-esteem baggage will likely be the first to look elsewhere for validation.

The ubiquitous quality of social media makes it the obvious choice. Facebook can be like a singles’ bar with no cover charge—open 24 hours a day—if that’s how you use it. 

10. Familiarity Breeds…a Friendzone

This is a paradox that can be difficult to reconcile. Still, when we are single and alone, we tend to long for the certainty and coziness that can only be found in a loving, caring, monogamous, long-term relationship.

Over time, what started as cozy can decelerate into a close friendship that lacks, well, uncertainty. Uncertainty, more often than not, is the hidden ingredient in passion. It is when we are not totally comfortable with another person that we generally find them sexually exciting.

If this goes unchecked, one partner (or even both) will find themselves on the lookout for something less familiar to excite them. This invariably can lead to the phone in their pocket. 

And then there are some who might even say they are, “Truly falling in love.” I saved this for last because, from personal experience, even though this is the factor that everyone would like to believe is at the root of all cyber infidelity, it is the rarest.

Let’s be serious: is it truly possible to find this most sacred human need through well-curated photographs and highlight reels that people spend far too much time strategically posting? Most likely not.

I wouldn’t rule it out entirely, but I will conclude by advising anyone who thinks this is the motive to, perhaps, seek the advice of a counselor or, at least, a brutally honest friend.

Nuggets Of Wisdom From Unlikely Places

A woman from the internet said:

“Relationships are like a pair of shoes; some are soft and dependable, some are uncomfortable and hurt, some are only on occasion and some are awful the first time you give them a try. But, the most important part of wearing shoes is to make sure that you only wear the ones that are most comfortable and part with the ones that aren’t your style. Oh..and you might find your favorite pair in the strangest location and when you do, you’ll probably take the best of care of your favorite pair for many years to come.“

I never heard a relationship described like this before. Talk of quotable quotes and thoughts to ponder.

Someone chimed in by saying:

“I totally agree with this. I think I have passed up some potentially great relationships with some really cool people because I knew they wouldn’t last. The experience would have been great though. I believe that some people are meant to come into our lives for certain reasons and when they have served their purpose then it is simply time for them to move on. Some relationships are meant to teach us lessons about ourselves that we never knew before.“

I guess most of us (including me) had that kind of relationships__ quick but memorable. some of them we ended ourselves because we saw no future in it, others just happened that way. Right person, wrong timing, or wrong person wrong timing, wrong everything.

But not everyone agree of course. One lady said:

Most ridiculous thing I ever heard. Dressed up in pretty reasoning . I guess the poor struggling single mother in some fictional housing estate is thinking the same as she handles 3/4 children under 5 year olds from different ‘relationships’ (fictional once again!) that ended beautifully and left lifelong beautiful ‘memories’.

I know a lot of people who are in the same predicament. All of them close and dear to me. With all due respect but for the love of God I will never understand their choices. Mistake is only once. Do it repeatedly and for a long time and either you are stupid or enjoying that kind of life.

One Kindra said:

“Eh, some relationships are growth, but never will I enter a relationship thinking it’s going to be short term because I could screw up a “forever” being short sighted.. I’ve had several relationships that were pretty good end simply because the other person intended it to be short term and weren’t willing to consider an alternative, this toying with my emotions for literally no reason but to pass time. Temporary and instant gratification mindsets ruin a lot of things that could have been good. Personal responsibility for your own emotions with care to do what is right for yourself and the other person, not shortsightedness but acceptance that some things stay while others go, is where you learn to let go of things that aren’t healthy or you know just aren’t right.”

I agree with the part that sometimes it is not always up to us to decide how the outcome of a relationship is going to be. Against our will, a union has ended because the other person wanted it to happen. There is nothing we can do about it. It is always takes two to tango. Though I must confessed it is yet to happen to me. I am the one who always leave. Perhaps I can sense when the relationship is about to shipwreck and jump overboard before it sinks. I don’t know.

Perhaps we can learn from what one Maria said:

“Everything in life is temporary… It can last long time or short time… It’s about how intense and profound things are, rather than how long they last….May it be eternal while it lasts.”

After all…

“If they are not happy with each other anymore….what kind of forever is that?”

John said.

Yeah. Why stay in a relationship that doesn’t work anymore. For my part, we never know what will happen tomorrow and the only constant in this world is changes. There is really no forever come to think of it. There is a change of heart and there is death. As much as I want to believe in not till death do us part but till life after death, no chance. Unless I talk to someone who had been to after life and comes back to tell people that even there, s/he loves but one I will stick to no forever for the time being.

The moral of the story?

Enjoy the ride while it lasts.

How To Have An Affair Without Getting Caught

That’s the title of an article I saw passing by my feed tonight. As a whole, the item is nothing but a click bait because aside from a couple of general knowledge tips that have totally nothing to do with the topic, there is nothing there but BS.

You might say it works because I clicked. The answer is yes and no.

Yes, it works because the title had sparked something in me; an urge to write and disagree. No, it did not work the way they intended it to be.

It reminded me of another article, this time in Elephant Journal about Why We Cheat In A Relationship. You can read it here.

According to them we are all cheaters and I agree. Anything we keep to ourselves (like buying personal items and not telling your partner about it or significantly reduced the price__ I had a friend who bought jewelry and hid them under the fridge and when we go out she would put them on in the car__ or daydreaming about your boss, neighbor, a hunk at work, masturbating after you told your partner you don’t feel like having sex tonight, etc.) is a form of cheating. Like everyone lies. Little or small. White or otherwise. Heck, we even lie to ourselves sometimes for whatever reasons.

According to the Journal:

We don’t need to beat ourselves up about this. There’s nothing wrong with us.

We cheat on our partners for all kinds of reasons—it has nothing to do with them. We cheat because we’re pissed off, we cheat because we’re insecure, we cheat because we’re lonely. This is driven by the subconscious part of ourselves that is trying to figure out how to have good relationships.

We have probably cheated on every single partner that we have been with. Maybe we haven’t had sex with people outside our relationships (or maybe we have), but we’ve had those gut-clenchy moments of, I can’t tell my partner about this.

We need to pay attention to the moments where we have this thought: I can’t be myself around the person I’m in a relationship with. 

Those are the moments we need to pay attention to. If we’re already having sex with other people and not talking about it, there are mountains of other things we have not been talking about with our partners. For months. Or years. Or millennia.

Here is the logic of that: We aren’t cheating because this is our idea of a good time. We are cheating because we are experiencing disconnection with ourselves and we don’t know a different way to feel good, so we only allow ourselves to feel good in short bursts.

If our relationships are making it difficult for us to be ourselves, then what the fuck are we doing there? 

Why are we in a relationship where we have to stay bottled in?

And here’s how cheating reinforces itself: we know when we feel bottled in, and all we want is to let ourselves out. Cheating is a way of letting ourselves out.

So once we start cheating with a partner, do we ever really stop?  I think the answer to this could be yes or no...

And the article goes on and on about excuses why we cheat. Some I agree with, most, I don’t.

The truth is more complex than we could ever comprehend. But whatever the reasons are, they are nothing but excuses. We cheat because we choose to do so. We could stay faithful, martyrs, oblivious, remote or we could leave them and file for divorce. The bottom line is: we always have choices. Right or wrong but we do have them. It is up to us to decide which path to walk on. Not others, us.

We could blame our partners, circumstances, background, upbringing, parents and the society but at the end, the choices are always ours. I can say all of this with conviction because__you guessed it right__ I’ve been there, done that, twice over and back.

So, when you encounter articles somewhere that telling you it is okay to cheat and give tips not to get caught, don’t feel justified; because no matter from which angle you look at it, cheating is not right. Forget what’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander and eat your heart out. It used to be my motto in my wilder years looking for my rainbow connection. But in the end, there is only one person you are doing damage to, and that is no one but yourself. So, get out while you can and I am telling you, it is better late than never.

Till next time.

If to correct you must humiliate; you don’t know how to teach.

I have said it already thousands times before:

Only those who have serious issues with self-confidence and self-worth and not happy with themselves have an urge to belittle others and stand on someone else’s back to look tall.

It is like being a king of fools.

If you feel smart among ignorant people, what are you then?

Adjust your way of interaction according to whom you are dealing with. No need to brandish your knowledge to those who are not in the same spectrum as you are and not in anyway capable of understanding whatever you wish per se to share so you can feel better about yourself. Talk to them as equals. Respect people’s limits. You have yours too.

Someone once said:

Do not humiliate people, shame is a lifetime lasting effect that can be nursed but can never be cured.

Remember the Golden Rule and you’ll be okay.

I’ve Dreamed Of Jason Momoa

You know… the Aqua man. No, I am not a fan. I saw him briefly in GOT and tried to watch the Aquaman movie a while ago but I find it chaotic and childish. So, after about a quarter of an hour I called it quits. Shorter than the time I tried to watch Harry Potter films. That was a record.

In my dream we were travelling somewhere together with D. and a girl-woman who was a bit of an alternative chick. Wears black; short bob hair and no face. She didn’t fancy Jason Momoa either. So it seemed. As expected; women fell around him wherever we went but he seemed oblivious to the fact. Instead he concentrated on us; me in particular. No, I am not narcissistic, no delusions of grandeur or anything or otherwise I would replace Aquaman with Nadal.

I think the place was Nepal or somewhere in the vicinity because the mountains are gorgeous (no, it wasn’t the Alps) and there were lots of indigenous people and culture a volonté. Plenty of nature and far away picture perfect scenery.

The longer we travel the more intimate Jason became with his sweet words and gestures. He begun touching me too. A hand there, an arm over my shoulder or on the small of my back. Longer eye contact too. To me, personally it is nothing. Been there done that in my younger years. Too much for my liking. The more he did those personalized attentions, the more the alternative chick disliked me. No, she didn’t say a thing but I am an expert on body language and reading between the lines. D. kept quiet.

One time D. went to the nearest ATM while Jason was showing me the range or mountains outside the window his arm around me while the girl-woman after a tantrum was decided to go on her own and was waiting for a ride sitting at the bus stop that looked like a piece of some amphitheater. All of us situated in one place in a triangular position within hearing distance of each other. How could that be? Perhaps the hotel or whatever it was me and Jason were in was in fact not a room but a veranda that’s why I could see both D. and the alternative chick and they could see me.

After a time, D. came back with a series of figures on a piece of paper. To make the story short, he was accusing me in a subtle way ( he is always subtle) of withdrawing some amount from our joint account and giving them to Aquaman. I started bawling out of misery. How could he thought of me that way. I never give money to a guy. My attention for a while is more than enough I always believe. Anyway, in the middle of my bawling I suddenly stopped and thought: Hmmm… Perhaps he was reversing the situation. Maybe it was him who gave some dough to that alternative chick. Come to think of it, she is more his type than I am and she clearly showed some hidden soft spot for him and why should Jason be interested in our money? So, I told D. to produce some evidence in a form of bank statement/balance that showing I withdraw some money from our account and he had to prove that he didn’t do it either.

Then, I woke up.

Recalling the dream I realized that there could be another side to the story. Maybe Jason Momoa and the girl-woman were on it together. Perhaps they made an agreement to con us. Work the lady I work the man and see who is going to melt first. If that was true. I’m sure D. would be the one who will succumb to the temptation. Why I think that? Because Like I said before, I’ve been there done that hundred times and back and I could proudly say it never happened to me. D. on the other hand is more gullible when it comes to this sort of things. I will not elaborate but I have a proof to my claim. Besides, he is somewhat innocent and totally lack of any experience dealing with people. He simply could not read them and their intentions.

Why it is that whenever D. appeared in my dreams it was always either he is leaving me or exchanging me for another woman. Don’t say it’s my hidden fear because it is not. My hidden fear is being buried alive.

Anyway, having an almost romantic encounter with Jason Momoa in a dream is preferable than having an affair with a bald politician or my nipple being sucked by a singer who actually cannot sing.

Till next time.

Solitude: Sometimes painful often delicious.