My words will either attract a strong mind or offend a weak one.
… of the birthdays you will never celebrate or no longer part of
…the life of the people you once knew and still think of
…what could have been if things and circumstances were different and
…of other memories you could have been making but now are just a part of
…wishful thinking.
It is September again.
by Paul Brian
It takes all kinds of kinds to make this world go around.
But one of the most misunderstood kinds of people is the sigma female.
The sigma female is a lone wolf and a rebel.
She doesn’t take orders from anybody and she dreams bigger than the sky.
One of the most powerful traits of a sigma female is her charisma and confidence.
She is the strong silent type, but everyone is drawn to her.
She may not always be the outward leader of a group, but she is who people turn to when times get tough and answers are needed.
The sigma female gets respect as soon as she walks in the room. She has people’s attention as soon as she speaks.
Her friends and family look up to her and she attracts high-quality partners in her personal life.
The sigma female isn’t one for drama and loud attention-getting antics, but she’s a low-key leader who others love and respect.
Sigmas are queens, but they’re not drama queens.
They naturally lead the pack in their own quiet way, and they can become trendsetters without even trying.
Their general desire, however, is to avoid the limelight and do their own thing.
Another one of the powerful traits of a sigma female is her self-sufficiency.
She can work well with others, but she never depends fully on others or surrenders her agency and free will.
If you want to work with her she is welcoming and enthusiastic, but she will not cling to dependency and weakness in any scenario.
Whether it’s work-life or her personal relationships and friendships, the sigma female does not require somebody else to make her dreams work.
She will work hard solo and do whatever it takes to succeed.
She loves to socialize, but she will be absolutely fine spending long periods on her own honing her skills and setting herself up for a bright future.
As Wise Thinker says:
“It’s not that a sigma female lacks social skills. She just prefers to be alone instead of in social circles.
But that doesn’t make her any less popular.”
The sigma female blazes her own trail and gets things done.
She’s sociable, but she’s not really into chit-chat or random get-togethers and fun times that are just goofing around.
The sigma female is a winner. Even when she loses it’s just a lesson and an obstacle that makes her stronger in the long run.
Nobody pushes her around and nobody tells her what she’s worth or what her abilities are.
She defines her boundaries and pushes the limits to the absolute maximum to achieve her dreams.
If you try to put her down, demote her or insult her, she surges past you in a cloud of dust and quietly leaves you behind in your bitterness.
The sigma female isn’t here for the drama: she’s here for the results.
And results are what she gets:
Hustling consistently for health in her financial life, love life, family life, work-life, and spirituality.
She’s not going to take second best and she’s not going to let anyone – even her closest friend – tell her when enough is enough.
She’ll decide that.
Not being pushed around is a surefire sign of a sigma female. But what else makes you unique and exceptional?
The sigma female is something of an introverted alpha. She looks for answers, not excuses.
Even when life is hard, she’s on the job and being as steadfast as possible in pursuing her goals and standing by her core values.
In a world of excuses and almost good enough, the sigma female is quietly working at her life and goals behind the scenes.
She’s creating, innovating, and relentlessly invested in her life and the lives of those she cares about.
The sigma female is a conundrum and a mystery, but she’s a beautiful mystery.
While she may appear cold or detached on the surface, there’s a fiery core burning inside which drives her to new heights and self-achievement.
If you’re looking for the most powerful traits of a sigma female then look no further than her intense loyalty.
This woman absolutely has your back if she says she does.
She will always come through and be behind you through thick and thin, and temporary fights or disappointments will never be enough to sour and sabotage the bond you have with her.
The sigma female is someone others trust and turn to in their hardest times, as I was saying.
For this reason, she is often the “rock” of a friend group and those who others rely on and trust when they are in their darkest hour.
As Brandon Gaille writes:
“A sigma female will never forget what someone has done for them and will always be ready to repay a debt to someone to whom they are close.
“Getting close to a sigma female means you will have an ally by your side who is always going to be there to stand for you.”
The sigma female isn’t a loner with a chip on her shoulder.
She’s a woman who makes the conscious choice to be independent and who has the strength and fortitude to stay the course and follow her dreams.
Whether she’s at work wowing clients and earning the respect and admiration of her colleagues or at home raising children and making a home, the sigma female is an icon for all of us.
She knows how to handle her own shit so that she can give back to others, and never leans on someone else to give her the answers or the resources to get a job done.
The sigma female is often the breadwinner for a family or a couple, but she can also be even more effective behind the scenes, organizing and arranging things so that those who come to her are taken care of and cared for.
When it comes to relationships, the sigma female can be picky but she’s never a victim.
She won’t go for a guy she doesn’t want to be with, and if a relationship starts infringing on her freedom and goals she will drop it.
It’s not that she can’t take hard times or disagreements: she absolutely can.
It’s just that she doesn’t enjoy wasting time on something that’s going nowhere or sapping her energy and focus for the sake of drama,
A sigma female wants to be with an equally strong and confident man. And she knows exactly how to empower him to be one.
The hero instinct is a new concept in relationship psychology and is right up her ally.
Men have a biological urge to step up for women and earn her respect in return. It’s hardwired into them.
I know it sounds kind of silly. A sigma female doesn’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like one.
The few women who actually realize that can gain a lot of strength and power in the way they approach their relationships.
The personality of a sigma woman is far from average.
She usually has a killer sense of humor, sharp wit, empathetic nature, and high emotional intelligence.
Her downsides are that she can come across as closed off or aloof to those around her, but once you get past the surface you’ll find it’s often not the case.
The sigma woman is like an enigma that attracts some and frustrates others.
It can take time and patience to “crack her shell,” but once she lets you in there is a world of possibility and discoveries awaiting.
The sigma female attracts others because she is not easy to read, but she’s always genuine.
She will tend to attract people who open up to her and are interested in her opinions and judgment.
As the author Madeline Miller writes:
“The world was made of mysteries, and I was only another riddle among the millions.
“I did not answer him, and though he pretended frustration, I began to see that it pleased him in some strange way.
“A door that did not open at his knock was a novelty in its own right, and a kind of relief as well. All the world confessed to him. He confessed to me.”
The sigma female has high standards in a mate.
As I mentioned, she never settles in relationships and she leaves the ones that aren’t working for her or meeting her needs.
She won’t cripple herself emotionally, financially, or in any way just to make someone else happy or live up to his standards.
And when it comes to finding a guy, the sigma female will bide her time.
If she has to stay single for five years to finally meet the man who will truly fulfill her dreams, then she’ll do exactly that.
She does care about looks, lifestyle, and social status, generally, because she understands that these are outer signs of a man’s inner progress.
This is not to say that no outwardly unsuccessful or plain-dressing man ever had anything to him, but the sigma female does always want the best – and that does include external accomplishment.
The part that’s a bit complicated is that it’s not so much what others think of someone that sways a sigma, it’s what she thinks of him.
This is often equally based on the effort he’s putting in and challenges he’s overcoming than to a static assessment of status.
10) She doesn’t conform to pop culture
Sigma females march to the beat of their own drums, and that includes their taste in film, music, food, and literature.
One of the most powerful traits of a sigma female is that she thinks for herself and loves what she loves regardless of popularity.
She can take a joke, but she won’t ultimately bend and change just to fit the current trends.
This is a very strong trait that carries over into every area of the sigma female’s life.
It also means she’s a great person to go to if you’re looking for unique recommendations about what to read, watch or play in terms of video games, for example.
The sigma female is an iconoclast who loves what she loves and doesn’t tailor it to fit anyone else’s demands.
The sigma woman doesn’t talk frivolously.
If she says something then you can bet your bottom dollar that she means it.
This increases the amount that people trust her and makes her respected in her job and personal life.
These days there’s so much talk out there on social media, in texting, and in our popular culture.
The fact that the sigma woman doesn’t bother with all this junk makes her a breath of fresh air to those around her.
It also means that if you do any business with her or make an agreement she will do her level best to stick by it and see it through.
The sigma woman builds trust and respect wherever she goes because of her practice of speaking truthfully as much as possible.
One of the top powerful traits of a sigma female is her toughness.
If you double-cross her you’ll most likely live to regret it.
The sigma female is not a vengeful or petty person. She doesn’t hold grudges or gravitate to drama.
But if you cheat her in business and romance you will pay for it.
She’ll make sure you pay for what you did by giving you an earful or making you repay for the damage you did.
In practical situations such as disagreements or conflicts, this also means the sigma female doesn’t let herself get pushed around.
If her car gets dinged by a driver she will calmly and firmly ask for the proper paperwork to get the insurance to cover it.
If her boss or someone in authority is being irresponsible or stupid she will call him or her out.
It’s just who she is and the code she lives by.
Change can be hard for all of us at times, including the sigma female.
Setbacks and changes are just a fact of life, and she knows that. She embraces this as much as possible and adapts rapidly.
Because the sigma female is oriented toward her own values and priorities, she doesn’t tend to be as dependent on outer circumstances.
Even if a job or a relationship goes south, she finds a way to roll with the punches and come back from it.
She makes moves that are necessary to move on and do her best with the situation she’s handed.
The sigma female is a lone wolf who heads into unknown territory bravely and energetically.
She never sits back and lets life come to her, she goes out and finds it herself.
So when change inevitably arrives, she moves with it instead of against it.
We live in a day and age when we’re basically surrounded by rumors and chit-chat 24/7.
Social media, TV, and our fast-paced news cycle encourages an addiction to drama and judgment.
“How dare he do that,” and “she is such a bitch” are things you could hear any given day about a celebrity, politician, or person.
But the sigma female doesn’t have an interest in these pile-ons and judging people she doesn’t know well.
Even if someone is a truly toxic loser, she won’t throw them under the bus just based on their reputation.
The sigma female really has to know someone and see them in action for her to judge them in any significant way.
She’s not interested in second-hand reputation and deciding who somebody is without finding out for herself.
This makes her a very good judge of character because the sigma female only judges those she knows and has seen up close and in action.
15) She embraces risk and adventure
As someone who adapts quickly to change and rolls with the punches, the sigma female embraces adventure.
She takes risks when necessary and knows that you have to go out on a limb sometimes to see really sizable rewards.
If this means moving to a new city or taking a chance on love then she’ll do it.
She’s far from reckless, but she is brave.
The sigma female has a clear set of goals and priorities and she sticks to them.
She adapts to the outer needs and changes as they come and makes big moves when she deems it necessary.
“Once you are convinced that the cost of the status quo is too high to sustain and the reasonably expected gains are too great to ignore, then ask yourself how you could scrape together what is needed and start moving forward.
“This question opens your eyes to resources you may have forgotten about or not thought of earlier when your mind was focused on potential losses.”
In addition to avoiding judging others unless she knows them, the sigma female hates gossip and baseless rumors.
For one thing, she just doesn’t see the point. What do they accomplish but wasted time and bitterness?
For another thing, gossip and rumors just aren’t fun for the sigma female.
She enjoys her time alone, working on projects or spending time with one or two close friends.
Concerning herself with the supposed actions and controversies of other people is just not worth it for her.
Sigma females can be a bit of an enigma to people around them.
They can sometimes be mistaken for an alpha female who is just unique and doesn’t talk as much.
The truth is that sigma females and sigma males are one of the rarest personality types.
It can be harder for them to meet the right person romantically and find their place in the world, but when they do then the world had better watch out.
Because they are competent, self-sufficient, and determined!
A sigma female is a special breed:
A sigma woman is self-sufficient and does her own thing.
She is like an introverted alpha, even though some of her close friends might be extroverts.
If it will not alter my today, why not?
I have a few names in mind.
In fact, some of them I would like to meet again.
But experience taught me that things like that could complicate situations a great deal. So, I guess better not.
They say you are handsome.
I didn’t see that.
They say you have amazing eyes.
I failed to see that too.
They say you have a body of a Greek God.
Why I didn’t notice?
To me, you were just one of those.
Looking at your pictures now, I can see they are right.
Too Late.
Not that it matters.
It will never work out.
Come to think of it, maybe I vanished you due to hearsay.
So stupid of me. Naive.
I wonder if you are innocent.
Like you always claim to be.
But then again___
What if___
Does it make any difference?
I guess not.
So, it is better you’re there and I am here.
Like probably it meant to be.
Unfortunately, it is true.
It happened to me in the past time after time.
From family members to hotel crew to random people to men that translate friendliness into something else.
My fault of course.
My father said must I greet strangers as if they are my long lost friends?
Some people read down to earth as an invitation to overstep boundaries.
I learned it the hard way.
I didn’t believe in the status and social classes.
For me, everyone is created equal.
Unfortunately, for most, social distancing is truly necessary to avoid being used and abused.
What a pity.
A long time ago I forced myself to write about something that hurts me the most. You can read it here.
Yesterday, I found via Facebook that the person is dead. Too young! Too soon! But then again, under the circumstances, perhaps it is for the best.
When she died, I have no idea. I will not ask. I stop talking to them millions of years ago. I’m not going to start now.
How she died, I don’t want to know. Living on the streets says enough. I could imagine hundreds of different scenarios. None of them good. She had been beaten up, raped, wounded and God knows what in the past. It hurts to remember. It hurts to think. It hurts to imagine.
Now, she’s gone. End of her sufferings. She lived a hard life. Never known love.
If I have a place in heaven and if there is truly a God, please, give mine to her. She deserves it more than anyone I know.
Rest in peace sister. May you find love and happiness wherever you are.
Seriously, people, this is how I eat cake and practically everything else. Instead of cutting a piece of cheese I just get the whole chunk out of the fridge, take a bite and return it in the package. I know… I know… unladylike, not polite, unhygienic, not the done thing, etc. etc. etc. But that’s me. I drink water straight from the bottle also but refused to drink the last remaining bit at the bottom. Don’t ask me for a reason, I just don’t know. I eat also food straight from the pot. Sometimes, while sitting in the middle of the table instead of a chair. I don’t mind sharing a plate either. I eat leftovers of D. and give him mine or the pieces I don’t like. There are lots of things I do differently, like most people I guess. But I will not name them here one by one or otherwise, we are in for a long haul. Perhaps I will share some of them once in a while if I’m feeling courageous or just plain crazy.
See you next time.
You’re gonna hit the point in your life when you are no longer interested in convincing people that how you feel and who you are is valid and decide that as long as you know your truth and what works for you that is all that matters.
There are lots of real reasons to decide to leave something or someone, but there are lots of other reasons that are less valid and less real and less about a relationship than our own minds: Fear (of screwing up, of being left, of not being good enough), restlessness, resistance to growing up, PMS, not knowing how to live without drama, fearing that you’re getting happy, and happiness is boring.
The thing that scared me the most was the knowledge that if I stayed, something was going to change and that something was probably me. I didn’t know what changed me would look like, or if I would like him more or less than I already did. Would I still recognize myself? Would I still be myself? ―
Today is exactly a year since I had an accident abroad and fractured my spinal cord. I thought I will never walk again.
But I shoulder on like always and here I am still doing the things I thought I would never do again. Like hiking for example.
I still take a dose of morphine from time to time to ease the pain but I find that a small price to pay compared to being paralyzed sitting in a wheelchair whole day.
It wasn’t the first time I seriously broke a bone. When I was ten years old, a car hit me while crossing the highway and snapped my fibula. I was in a hospital for a month and spent my Christmas and New Year there. They offered me a crutch and had been strongly advised to take it easy. I limped to school after three days sans crutch.
Sometimes you got to do what you got to do in order to move on when giving up is not an option.
I’m not keen on celebrating any occasion but this one I ordered a cake for. Because I believe that if there is something worth commemorating it is this___ the fact that after a bad fall, I am still alive and kicking.
I have people and places that I only know in my dreams. Not fantasy, just good old fashioned dream. Nightmares sometimes. Or most of the time for I never dream happy. Happy isn’t for me. In dreams or reality.
They come back in my reoccurring visions (or hallucinations if you prefer) oftentimes in the same dream which funny enough continues after I woke up and go back to sleep. I can even put them on hold or redirect the circumstances according to my wish. Some dreams feel more real than the others and more vivid than reality.
People say dreams are just memories one has long forgotten. I don’t believe them. Surely you can’t forget those that make you feel___ different for lack of a better word. And memories are from the past, not recent. Or perhaps (arguably) I mix the past with the present/recent. Because most of them are grown-ups interacting with a grown-up me.
And most of the places in my dreams are venues I have never been to. I know that for sure. How many yellow cities are there, which collapsed to reveal another layer? A city within a city. Something like that.
I know, most dreams are weird and don’t make sense, but people with faces I don’t recognize? C’mon…
They feel familiar though. As if I have known them all my life. Some I wish I really have known because they give positive vibes and make me feel safe.
The great Edgar Allan Poe once said:
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream…
What do you think?
Who out there (like me) is craving/dreaming/ fantasizing about something like this?
It used to be my backyard. I grew up in places (yes places) like this one and that time like most people who are living in what westerners called “paradise” I didn’t realize how lucky I was. I wish to go back there right now. Not to live but to breathe, away from hassle and bustle of the rat race and soak the atmosphere and for a while relived the memories of my youth, when in spite of the “circumstances ” life is a little bit simpler.
The grandmother of D. died at the beginning of the corona crisis. It’s best for her. She was 86 years old and very sociable. The lockdown would have been fatal for her if she had been still alive.
The ceremony was intimate and short. They scattered her ashes in the small corner of the cemetery and I thought: there you go. One moment you are alive and laughing and the next day you’re gone. They will mix your remains with others in the secluded little corner of the graveyard that looks suspiciously like a place where dogs are allowed to deposit their excrement and that’s it. That’s your whole life is amounted to, a handful of dust on the scraggy patches of grass littered with dried up flowers from previous occupants. Sad I thought.
I know After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box. And dead is dead but still…
I watched her husband suffered the same fate four years ago. That was the first time I was really confronted with my own mortality. My parents were both dead but that is different. I had a connection with these people. I have lived with them longer than I know my own family. She was kinder to me than my own mother had ever been. I genuinely liked her.
D. and I made a pact that if one of us died, our ashes will be planted together with a sapling of our choice (Tebitan Cherry or Prunus serrula for me, Magnolia for him) so we can grow and be a part of nature instead of disappearing into nothingness like a dried up turd.
MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO 
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