Missing

While walking on empty roads as the cold breeze gently caressed my face, I traced my past. Like an open graveyard, I walked through it. Like an old favorite book, I smelled its pages again. Like an old friend, I felt a sense of familiarity.

I realised that I have lost too many people. People who left me, and people I left. People who stopped loving me, and people I never stopped loving. People who forgot me, and people I will never forget. In between the silence of outgrowing people and the heartbreak of striking differences, life slapped us all into reality.

I opened the chest of memories that I had locked from ages. Broken promises overflowed. Shattered hopes oozed out. Unfinished stories glanced at me with desperate eyes. Old love threw tantrums. I just kept looking, overwhelmed with the reminder of things I have lost.

Now, here we are trying to find lost pieces of past in the future. Now, here we are trying to see similar features in new faces. Now, here we are trying to find the grace of old love in the passion of a new one. We all are walking boxes of memories. We all are shelves occupied with broken promises and dusty novels.

We all have come too ahead, while never reaching anywhere at all. We all have been beaten, in one way or another, into a silent acceptance.

We all are nothing but a mosaic of people who have left, and those few who decided to walk along. We all are nothing but a bruised love that never learned how to stop loving.

– the honest musing

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daily prompt

Tough Questions

It rarely happens that I am lost for words I always have opinions about anything and everything but there is something I avoid or never discuss – politics and religion. Both are explosive touchy sensitive subjects and nobody really knows who is right and who is wrong. You know what they say, the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle but I’m getting sidetracked again by all these unnecessary explanations that have nothing to do with what I want to say. The toughest question someone could ask me is about fidelity. If somebody ask: “Have you always been faithful?” Then I don’t know what to say because I can’t lie. I’m not a good liar.

“What is faithfulness, anyway? Can you be unfaithful to your own feelings and faithful to someone else? Is it faithful to lie in bed night after night with someone you love but no longer desire while ardently dreaming of someone else?”

If your partner is unfaithful for so many years and one day you decided to give him or her a taste of their own medicine, is that consider cheating?

 “They’ll say you are bad
or perhaps you are mad
or at least you
should stay undercover.
Your mind must be bare
if you would dare
to think you can love
more than one lover.”

Who says about loving? Unfaithfulness doesn’t mean you love someone else. You just happen to be looking for something you’re missing and can’t find at home and someone is there at the right place at the right time and that someone caught you in your most vulnerable state but of course in every rule there is always an exception so, go ahead fill in the blank with what you believe and what works for you. 

Another tough question I probably have difficulty  answering is:

“What makes you happy?”

The little I know about happiness is always been threaded with pain and tears so I decided not to be happy because I have learned early on that not only good things never last -so don’t form any attachment- you have to pay dearly for it. I’m terrified of being happy. Happiness is not for me. I take pleasure in the little things like taking photographs and walking but happiness… no.

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Daily Prompt

Martyr

The world may not understand, but you do. You, the empath, know it all too well; the darkness that comes from having this unexplainable gift. A pain and sadness that is unique to those who feel every vibration of energy around them as if a million fingers were plucking the strings of their soul.

You are the person others often turn to when they need to release their burdens, and, for this, you are seen as a grounded, reliable character. Yes, you are sensitive, but you seem to cope so well with the emotional turmoil that is thrust upon you.

Little do these people know that, on the inside, you are a raging ball of contrasting feelings, all muddled together to form an incomprehensible and never-ending noise that you struggle to silence. Sometimes it is so overwhelming that it feels like an invisible hand is clasped tight around your neck; a pressure so intense that it takes every ounce of your strength not to suffocate.

The sudden and negative shifts in energy are the worst because they come totally out of the blue and offer you little time to prepare. They hit you like a freight train, propelling you into a spiral of confusion, desolation, and distress.

Sadly, it’s the negative energy that you feel the most, and it’s only made worse by the world you see around you. The suffering, the heartache, and the malevolent forces that cause it weigh down on you far more than the good, and the benevolent can lift you up. Society just wasn’t designed for people like you.

Inside your heart, the feelings are only ever felt deeply and with great intensity; there is no middle ground, no volume dial with which to dampen the senses. It is both mentally and physically exhausting to live your life in an almost constant state of heightened emotion, but you hold it together…mostly…to give a composed, if sometimes a little awkward, appearance.

It can be a lonely existence as an empath; even if you are surrounded by people, the mixing of energies can leave you feeling lost. You become unsure of where you end and where others begin, and this blurring of personal boundaries only serves to dilute your own sense of being.

Sadly, this feeling of isolation can drive you into the hands of people who seek to take advantage of you. Your longing for an identity, and to be liked or loved for who you are, can see you fall into the traps set by manipulators and abusers. They prey on sensitive people like you who want to feel that sense of belonging.

You, being the kind and loving soul that you are, do not see the dangers that lurk all around. You are blind to the malicious intentions of those who are devoid of feeling, and in your attempt to help them, you risk becoming embroiled in their games.

Yet you can’t resist the temptation to try and help others; it is your very nature to turn your attention to the ills and needs of those in trouble because you somehow feel that helping them will help yourself.

You don’t see the burden that this level of selflessness is putting on your life, or if you do, you resist the temptation to acknowledge it for fear of once again being forced to face your own demons. You prefer to walk through the streets hunched with the weight of the world pressing down on you, rather than walk freely and see your own pain and hurt ahead of you.

This avoidance does you no good in the long term because sooner or later your heart and mind go into spasm, driven to the brink by a failure to address the real issues. By delaying the start, you simply dig a deeper pit into which you willingly throw yourself to escape the outside world. You withdraw from everything and cocoon yourself physically and emotionally so that you may delve deep within and tackle your underlying wounds.

Your agony during this time is great; how could it be any less in a person who experiences emotions in such a deep and profound way? Your torment is such because your heart metaphorically rips apart as you struggle with all the pain that resides there – both yours and that which you have absorbed.

Speaking of hearts, you aren’t always able to give yours fully to a loving partner, and this leaves you with some sadness and regret. But to open up fully would mean to experience the sheer, unbridled intensity of love in its rawest form. You just don’t know if you can handle such a powerful force, and you doubt whether a partner would be able to cope if you tried to let it all in.

So you shield yourself somewhat, never showing your entire hand; you hold something back to prevent potential future heartache from destroying you completely. Yet you long for a time when you can embrace love in all its passion and force, because you know in your heart that this is what you truly want.

You shouldn’t let yourself be defeated by your powerful, yet challenging gift. There is hope….there is always hope.

The dark side needn’t win out forever. You can, with some practice, and with the support of those who love you, learn to cope with the piercing severity of the emotions you experience. Your pain and hurt can be eased, and you can learn to recognize which feelings are yours and which come from external energy sources.

You needn’t live with your guard constantly up; there is a way to let others in without becoming overwhelmed by what you feel. It comes through acceptance, earnest effort, and the sheer will and determination not to let your prized quality become your lifelong prison.

Never give up, never give in.

-from ConsciousReThink

crazy-talent8

Faded

I wonder if when Nature’s pen has sketched and lined my face,
Into a survey map reflective of some mountainous place,
With artful shading rendering the passing of each year:
My frame a faded ivory chart of well-explored frontier…

Will you still scale my mountains, will my valleys still amaze,
With all their once new secrets- and will you still spend your days,
Exploring hidden places like each time there is your first,
And dip your mouth into my drying ponds to slake your thirst?

When verdant fields grow sparser with the coming of the frost,
Will you forsake my landscape and despair for what is lost?
Or will you rediscover sheltered on a calm plateau,
My wildflower blooming beneath a blanket of soft snow.

With all the quirks of gravity and shifting sands of time-
I wonder, will I always be your most exciting climb?

~ A Question of Geography by Belladagio

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Beautiful Monday

 “I’ve never seriously thought about whether I’m beautiful or not. But I do know one magical trick — I know how to create the illusion of being attractive. When a woman walks into the room, people don’t react to her beauty, but to the energy and strength which she radiates.”

-Sharon Stone

undertheskin

Anticipation

you checked the right side
forgot about the left
you checked behind you
forgot about in front

you didn’t see it coming
you were already dead
there was no way
you could have prepared

spinning it’s web it lies in wait
in the blink of an eye it’s too late
and the ones who thought they could handle it all
they’re the first to fall

never underestimate your enemy
you’ve got to keep your head
in one swift motion it could happen so fast
you may not even know you are already dead

you checked the right side
forgot about the left
you checked behind you
forgot about in front

you didn’t see it coming
you were already dead
there was no way
you could have prepared

the dragons stir deep in their hive
sniffing the air they come alive
each step you take could be your last
just pray that it happens fast

don’t go down that hall
you may not like what you find
don’t open that door
you may not like what’s inside

and everything you’ve done
and every fight you’ve won
and everything you’ve seen: it won’t mean a thing
because you can’t track it
can’t stop it
can’t escape it
can’t outgun it
can’t fathom where it is:
but look behind you
cause there it is

-Forge- One swift motion

 

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daily prompt 

Mind the Gap

The moment I read the Discover Challenge for this week it immediately brought to mind Cassandra Calin, a Romanian born- Canadian artist and graphic designer who draws amazing cartoons about realities of life versus expectations in whimsical ways showing the lighter side and funny aspects of everyday problems. I like her. I like her humor and find her inspiring. You can see some of her works here. I’m pretty sure you’re going to enjoy it. She always makes me laugh.

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