Tag Archives: thoughts

Elegance

Elegance is usually confused with superficiality, fashion, lack of depth. This is a serious mistake: human beings need to have elegance in their actions and in their posture because this word is synonymous with good taste, amiability, equilibrium and harmony. 

Elegance is achieved when all that is superfluous has been discarded and the human being discovers simplicity and concentration: the simpler and more sober the posture, the more beautiful it will be.

-Paulo Coelho

Jolly

It’s that time of the year again. 

Since I lost my faith in organized religion and God himself, I have troubles celebrating anything that has something to do with it. I used to be religious. Not fanatic, but religious. I’ve been brought up surrounded by blind faith and superstitious beliefs. We dutifully recited the Holy Rosary each evening at six o’clock. I’d been tied up around the foot of a table whole night without supper for failing to memorize the Our Father prayer. I attended masses and offered flowers to deities. I had my first communion and confirmation. I’ve been baptized and heck, even married in the church, twice. 

For all that happened to me, I never blame anyone let alone God. I accepted everything without question. I thought my faith was the only thing that was constant in my life and my unshakable belief in the power of the Holy Almighty was something no one can take away from me. I imagined myself being imprisoned and having to choose between death or live by renouncing my faith and I was sure I will rather opt for the first anytime anywhere, till two years ago. Something happened that made me abandoned everything I was taught and live by all those years. There is no way back.

Now, we are this far again. The season to be merry, the time to be jolly and I am neither of those. But even if I didn’t lose my belief in God, I doubt if I am going to join the hysteria of masses during this period. I wrote about the reasons why a few seasons ago and if you have the time, you can read it here, here and here

What about you? Are you religiously celebrating the most celebrated time of the year? Do you still believe in God? How you hold on to your faith when everywhere you look you see the opposite of what you believe in? No, I’m not criticizing. Just showing interest. If you wish to share your thoughts I would love to hear them.

1510929_588546557884190_1322860573_n2   

Varnish

“No varnish can hide the grain of the wood; and that the more varnish you put on, the more the grain will express itself.” ― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

Or you can also say: put lipstick on a pig, put rouge on the corpse, making a purse out of a swine’s ear, putting a racing stripe on a … am I allowed to say it here? Probably not. Better leave it at that.

I think basically what Dickens wanted to say is: you can’t hide someone’s true nature. And I believe him. One’s genetic makeup is very hard to alter. Sure, surroundings, upbringing, experience and all those things could have an effect on someone’s innate nature but only on the surface, it cannot change what lies beneath. One’s inner essential nature will always come through sooner or later.

I’m not saying someone can be born a saint or evil and who can say what makes those people act a certain way. A basically good person can commit a grave offense out of desperation, necessity, passion, anger or whatever valid for that moment reason she or he might have but it doesn’t make them a bad human being automatically. You can almost see the genetic makeup of a person by his actions, the nature of their crimes, and how they react to a certain situation. Unplanned circumstances always provoke spontaneous reactions. And that’s when you can see how people truly are, by the way they handle crisis and surprises.

I remember breaking up with someone after accidentally observing his behavior towards others. It was a simple occurrence. We were aboard a public vehicle and the driver stopped to let an elderly passenger in. The person had a difficulty ascending the steps and my then boyfriend was sitting by the door. He could have easily extended his hand and help but he never did nor offered his seat to that person who was clearly having troubles to remain standing during that treacherous ride because of his advanced age. In the end, I gave up my place so the person could sit.

What happened was a revelation to me. My boyfriend was a gentleman. Caring, solicitous, respectful and sweet. To me he was. But to others, he could not care less. And that is something I cannot possibly accept. God knows what he gonna do later in the relationship when the cloak and dagger aspect of courtship is over. I decided I’ve seen enough and dropped him just like that. I believe I made the right decision.

What about you? Do you think I made the right decision?

I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject of genetic makeup in general if you care to impart your knowledge. Nothing too fancy or complicated, just your own truth and beliefs. It is always nice to hear other people’s input. I have learned so much that way.

shutterstock_165337154

Age

Does age matters? 

Yes, it certainly does.

No matter what others might say or want you to believe.

It matters in all sorts of ways.

I married someone eleven years my junior and my first husband was eleven years older than me. Though it doesn’t/didn’t matter to us it matters to the outside world and to the family. It matters physically in the sense of I/he was approaching middle age and starting to show and feel the telltale signs that belong to that age while he/I was barely out of his/my twenties. It matters psychologically/mentally as well. People constantly evolve and their preferences and mindset are constantly changing through the years. The differences are so apparent sometimes it can’t be ignored. It matters emotionally as well. How people react sometimes is a great deal depends on their age and the level of maturity. So is the way they handle problems and situations. Someone has to take responsibility and often times if not always, it falls to the shoulders of the one who is older and more experienced partner. 

Socially it matters as well. Your circle of friends don’t belong to the same generation and it can pose quite some problems especially in the beginning. Like with my ex-husband for example, I was still in my teens while he was already in his thirties and going out wasn’t a straightforward matter. We didn’t even have the same taste in music. We ended up leading separate lives.

It matters financially too. Not only career wise but the actual earnings as well. You can’t compare a salary of someone who is barely out of school to somebody who is more experienced and already has a long work history behind him. Try to imagine this: Your spouse is already on a pension while you still have a decade or more before you can take yours, or vice versa. I think it is not easy for both dealing with this situation. I have seen problems arise between couples once they reached this stage whereas before they didn’t have any problems at all regarding age differences. 

Deciding to have children when there is more than a generation gap between a couple is another matter to consider. I know someone personally who in his fifties married someone who was still in mid-thirties and had a five-year-old kid. See what I mean? No one wants to be a parent anymore at that advanced age. People might think it’s your grandchild instead. There is nothing wrong with that but going through with that stage (again) when all you want is to be peaceful and relax enjoying the fruit of your hard work instead of waking up in the middle of the night to feed a crying infant or dealing with teenager tantrums and late night escapades. No, thank you.

Age matters. It really does. Especially when the theories put suddenly to practice. And I don’t even talk about balding/thinning hair and sagging skin, gaining weight and declining libido and all that jazz.

So, next time you think/say age doesn’t matter; think again…

Woman_in_the_mirror_by_nereidi2

Snippet

My blog? Snippets of random thoughts, ideas, beliefs, opinions, views, hopes, dreams and fears. No chronological order, no labels, no category. Just pure feelings coming from the heart. It may be vague and irrational at times but always real, honest and true. This is me on a plate without embellishments and trimmings, take it or leave it. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea but I don’t know any other way. I can edit my words but not my thoughts and feelings. And even if I could I would not. What is the use of having a voice and your own corner if you can’t say what you want? It is like whispering in your own house, afraid somebody might hear you. No, I can’t do that. I will always adhere to common decency and approach each topic politically correct but I would not dilute my writings so it suits sensitive ears and weak minds. I will never apologize for being myself. I know the path to freedom is not the easiest path to traverse, I have been on it since day one. Lots of hurdles but I can’t go off course, that would mean lying to you and to myself. I would appreciate if you walk with me down this road but I would also understand if you can’t. Not everyone is cut out for this journey. I will always be grateful I have met you along the way. These random encounters taught me a lot about life. I will continue this expedition with an open mind and an open heart as always. Maybe we will meet again someday. Take care and see you around…

18664540_1343865565666783_7133315140872609897_n

Thought Of The Day

“I cannot be part of a world where men dress their wives as prostitutes by showing everything that should be cherished. Where there is no concept of honor and dignity, and one can only rely on those when they say “I promise”.

Where women do not want children, and men don’t want a family.

Where the suckers believe themselves to be successful behind the wheel of their fathers` cars, and a father who has a little bit of power is trying to prove to you that you’re a nobody.

Where people falsely declare that they believe in God with a shot of alcohol in their hand, and the lack of any understanding of their religion.

Where the concept of jealousy is considered shameful, and modesty is a disadvantage.

Where people forgot about love, but are simply looking for the best partner.

Where people repair every rustle of their car, not sparing any money or time, and themselves, they look so poor that only an expensive car can hide it.

Where the boys waste their parents’ money in nightclubs, aping under the primitive sounds, and girls fall in love with them for this.

Where men and women are no longer identifiable and where all this together is called freedom of choice, but for those who choose a different path-get branded as retarded despots.

I choose my path, but it’s a pity that I did not find similar understanding in the people among whom I wished to find it most of all … “  -Keanu Reeves

3be4786b-a8f1-4aa9-9115-e2dc021b21c4_560_420

Dancing

Vivian Greene once said: “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” Sounds like a cliché (and it is) but by God, it is also true. We often encounter our true selves when faced with adversity. Remember the saying: When the going gets tough the tough get’s going? Another cliché right? But we all know that only those who have strong character and determination have the abilities to bounce back and persevere while others are left despairing and defeated when faced with life’s many challenges.

The truth is we have to learn to cope and survive if we are not ready yet to throw in the towel. We have to brave the storm and soldier on to come out on the other side in one piece. I admire those who managed and triumphed against all odds. It doesn’t have to be a heroic act (though I consider surviving in this world heroic enough) it could also be simply striving to come out from the darkest corner you find yourself in, crawl from the bottom and climb up and be the best you can be.

I know a family once who have lost a lawsuit regarding entitlement of some land and overnight they found themselves on the street. They have been evicted and their house demolished. The parents didn’t even have high school diplomas and their main income was based on buying and selling junks. Yet through hard work, resourcefulness, and perseverance, they have managed to weather the storm and come out of it victorious. Their children are all degree holders now and they are enjoying the fruit of their labor.

Likewise there was a boy who was so poor he used to wash buses in the night so he could pay his tuition fees. Most of the time he ate his rice with anything one peso could buy in his dorm room away from the other boarders. I reckon he was ashamed of his situation. Sometimes he played card games to finance his school projects. I suspected he even sold his young body a couple of times to get through high school. I still hope I am wrong. Fast forward to present day. He is now a civil engineer and about to settle down with his girlfriend.

You see now what I am talking about?

Haruki Murakami said: “And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

I wrote a blog post a while ago about soldiering hardships and obstacles. I titled it: The Art Of Dancing. A mentor said I have to expand it. Give more examples (like I did here) throw in some first-hand experiences to strengthen the credibility of my claims, etc. etc. I know she’s right and maybe someday I will do it. You can read the article here.

1609569_637725266299652_1668365274_n

What Rhymes With Orange

They say none except for the half-rhyme lozenge which I think is a shape. But I don’t agree. I think there are quite a few words that rhyme with orange or at least will make do like arrange and disarrange derange strange and estranged prearrange disarrange multirange and all those ranges combination of words. How about rinse sense mince and lens? Does that make sense? What do you think? Can you come up with words that rhyme with orange? 

Alms Offering to 10000 monks - Chiang Mai, 2013

Express

Freedom of expression…

The right of every individual to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.

Sounds great right? How’s this translate in practice? Now, it is starting to get complicated. We all know that expressing your thoughts/yourself was never been easy, it is still not easy and it will never be easy as long as there are censorship, prejudiced and judgmental people who are stuck in their own ideas of what is and what is not and fond of putting others in boxes complete with labels. What the heck, you cannot even dress the way you want, come out the closet or choose a religion or political views without others riding your back. More so if we really are going to express our real uncensored thoughts. I wonder how many people say what they mean (and mean what they say) in daily life. In my experience not so many. And that’s why I am not popular. Mind you I know that there is a huge difference between being honest and being tactless and I would like to think that I am the first rather than the latter. At least I hope so.

Anything that associated with freedom (expression or other) is nothing but a myth in this world. Nobody is totally free. Think of mortgages, nine to five, duties, relationships, citizenships, religion, politics, anything and you will realize that freedom is just a fairy tale, a wishful thinking, an illusion; and freedom of speech, expression or whatever we want to call it falls in the same category. How can we express our thoughts and feelings out there when we can’t even say what we really think to our own spouses and relatives without fear of being an outcast? I know that people don’t tell their honest thoughts even to their best friends. Most of us are afraid of offending someone and nursing the greatest fear of being disliked. Image is all that matters for most. And don’t bother to deny it otherwise selfies and instagrams have never been created let alone become a hype. And before that, it is big houses (bigger than your neighbors at least) big cars, nice clothes expensive jewelry and private schools. You know the drill.

I wonder also how much truth there is in images that people are trying to project to the outside world. Are they really an expression of their true selves or a shot in the dark of what they think others wanted to see. On the other hand, if you care enough to project whatever it is to the public, that says enough about you isn’t it? Acceptance is the key word I guess. Deep down inside we all want to belong, or to be acknowledged or otherwise why bother.

Whatever our own personal reasons for doing our version of self-expression, I’m all for that as long as nobody gets hurt, go for it. Express yourself to the world and have a blast while doing it. Don’t be different for the sake of being different. Just be who you are and the rest will follow. But be brave enough to stick to your own path no matter what because I can guarantee you the ride will be bumpy.

gothic-wedding-parasol

Risky

What is not risky in life? Even loving or marrying someone is a risk, probably the biggest risk of all since nursing a broken heart and emotional wounds are far worse than losing material and financial assets because money you can gain it back as long as you got a sound mind and healthy body whereas the scars and wounds caused by emotional and psychological trauma brought by failed relationships of any kind stay and often time never heal and bleed by the slightest pressure. It alters your beliefs and perspectives in life, making you more cautious and distrustful if not outright paranoid.  

Everything in this world involves some kind of risk one way or the other, from boiling eggs for breakfast to getting in your car and driving to work. And even there lie greater risk of making the wrong decision like flipping a finger behind your red alpha boss not knowing the person can see your reflection on the glass door of the meeting room.     

Every choice we make in any given situation carries an enormous amount of risk, even those that we think are safe and ordinary like telling the truth or lies can lead to losing your job or a divorce or a fatal fight simply because you happened to look up at the same time a suicidal person is randomly looking at you, or you happened to be walking in the city when someone decided to drive his car through the unsuspecting pedestrians or you are at the concert because it’s your birthday and out of nowhere somebody open fire for whatever reason. There you go.

Life is a risk. No matter what you do and how careful you are. Staying inside is not a solution since most accidents happen at home anyway. Living is dangerous. You are a danger to yourself whether you like it or not. From the cradle to the grave we are running at risk. Babies are risky beings because of their helplessness, toddlers, and children in general too because of their natural curiosity and zero sense of danger, teenagers and young adults are liabilities with their raging hormones and beliefs that they are immortal. And what can I say about elderlies…          

The moment we decided to hang in there we are in danger, so simple is that.

Risky-Business

Loyal

… one of those dying virtues along with honesty integrity dignity devotion tolerance respect and so much more. In this world when partner and job hopping are considered fashionable and so many options to choose from, loyalty nowadays is as scarce as rain in Egypt and as elusive as anything when you want it. Based on what I see read and heard around, nobody is loyal to anything or anyone anymore. Except for pets (dogs) probably, but then again I don’t and will never know because I don’t have pets and if I would have it will not be a dog or cat but cute birds and (gold) fish, nothing larger. I’ve been devoted to my other whole for the last fifteen years. That’s the longest I’ve been faithful to someone. I hope he is the same but who knows. Anyway, it doesn’t keep me awake. He’s a big boy he knows what he wants. Let him have it. What about you, are you a loyal person?

womaninvestigates2014

Fraud

…that’s how I feel when someone gives me compliments and praises my abilities and achievements. I feel like a fraud, a pseudo, I don’t have so much belief in myself. I find that my capabilities are nothing to praise about. They are ordinary, common, anyone would be able to do them if they really want. I am not special, I am not unique. Most of the time I feel like a fake. What do you know, I can rhyme!  Even that is not noteworthy. Even children can do that. The easiest form of poetry I find. And haiku, they are easy to fabricate also. I’m sure you know the drill. What I’m talking about anyway. My life is the opposite of who and what I am. I’m masquerading through the days convincing myself that this is what I want even though my brain is shouting: “No, it’s not!” It’s for the best then I reason and on paper, and at first glance, it really is only it doesn’t feel that way and I find myself sinking deeper and deeper each day. Fading, till I am barely recognizable even to myself. Am I unhappy? What is that? First I have to know what happiness is before I can separate the two from each other. All I know is something doesn’t feel right. Like an itch that you cannot locate but it is definitely there somewhere and it’s driving you crazy. And there is this emptiness, a void that keeps getting bigger and bigger as the days, weeks, years pass by. My whole life is a fraud, not real, a fake, a pseudo of what I imagine or would like it to be. And I don’t know what to do to change that.

13900362_1055398014510124_997338980895158071_n