Tag Archives: opinion

Risky

What is not risky in life? Even loving or marrying someone is a risk, probably the biggest risk of all since nursing a broken heart and emotional wounds are far worse than losing material and financial assets because money you can gain it back as long as you got a sound mind and healthy body whereas the scars and wounds caused by emotional and psychological trauma brought by failed relationships of any kind stay and often time never heal and bleed by the slightest pressure. It alters your beliefs and perspectives in life, making you more cautious and distrustful if not outright paranoid.  

Everything in this world involves some kind of risk one way or the other, from boiling eggs for breakfast to getting in your car and driving to work. And even there lie greater risk of making the wrong decision like flipping a finger behind your red alpha boss not knowing the person can see your reflection on the glass door of the meeting room.     

Every choice we make in any given situation carries an enormous amount of risk, even those that we think are safe and ordinary like telling the truth or lies can lead to losing your job or a divorce or a fatal fight simply because you happened to look up at the same time a suicidal person is randomly looking at you, or you happened to be walking in the city when someone decided to drive his car through the unsuspecting pedestrians or you are at the concert because it’s your birthday and out of nowhere somebody open fire for whatever reason. There you go.

Life is a risk. No matter what you do and how careful you are. Staying inside is not a solution since most accidents happen at home anyway. Living is dangerous. You are a danger to yourself whether you like it or not. From the cradle to the grave we are running at risk. Babies are risky beings because of their helplessness, toddlers, and children in general too because of their natural curiosity and zero sense of danger, teenagers and young adults are liabilities with their raging hormones and beliefs that they are immortal. And what can I say about elderlies…          

The moment we decided to hang in there we are in danger, so simple is that.

Risky-Business

Sympathy

It is okay to want your own happiness. It’s okay to care about yourself the most. It’s okay to do what’s healthy for you. It’s okay. You are not obligated to sit there and smile and swallow every bit of nonsense everyone heaps on you. You are more than furniture, you’re more than window dressing, you’re not their shiny toy. You are human, and you have the right to say. You have a right to protest against your own mistreatment and set boundaries for respectful interactions.

– Note to Self

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Critical

Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive.

Ambition is only understood if it’s to rise to the top of some imaginary ladder of success. Someone who takes an undemanding job because it affords him the time to pursue other interests and activities is considered a flake. A person who abandons a career in order to stay home and raise children is considered not to be living up to his potential as if a job title and salary are the sole measures of human worth.

You will be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing, and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you’re doing. There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you’ll hear about them. To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.

– Bill Watterson


Do people live in circles today? No. They live in boxes. They wake up every morning in a box of their bedrooms because a box next to them started making beeping noises to tell them it was time to get up. They eat their breakfast out of a box and then they throw that box away into another box. Then they leave the box where they live and get into another box with wheels and drive to work, which is just another big box broken into little cubicle boxes where a bunch of people spend their days sitting and staring at the computer boxes in front of them. When the day is over, everyone gets into the box with wheels again and goes home to the house boxes and spends the evening staring at the television boxes for entertainment. They get their music from a box, they get their food from a box, they keep their clothing in a box, they live their lives in a box. Break out of the box. This not the way humanity lived for thousands of years.

– Elizabeth Gilbert


None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an after thought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you’re carrying in your heart like a hidden treasure. Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There’s no time for anything else.

– Richard Gere

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Visceral

I’d like to think that my posts embodied this very word. For the record, I am not doing it deliberately, it’s just me; I’m all feelings, instincts, and intuitions following and trusting them most of the times. Mind you I do follow my feelings but I take my wits with me, always. I’m not doing that deliberately either. Just my genetic makeup. I am who I am. If you doubt the authenticity of my claim, check this out and this for examples and tell me what you think. I would like to believe also that I am not all feelings all the time. Sometimes I (think) I wrote articles that relating more to the intellect rather than mere feelings. Check this, this and this out if you have the time to explore to have an idea what I mean. I will always be me, leaning on the dark sides writing from the heart and serving it raw without embellishments. No wonder I am not popular. But I will gladly take the anonymity anytime versus writing for likes, comments, popularity, and applause losing my self and my core in the process. No, thank you. I rather be me than follow the crowd, adapt herd mentality and become who I am not. I have to stay true to myself. Hence my gravatar only dead fish go with the flow. I know, I know, we are here to share and be read or otherwise why not keep a bedside journal instead of pouring our hearts online and I agree. We all want to be heard/read that’s why we are here but (and it’s a big but) not at the cost of your own true self. I don’t believe in writing for an audience (unless of course if you have to to pay the bills) I call it forced creativity and I am not a big fan of anything forced. Nothing good can come out of it. I’m talking out of experience. Before I have a verdict I sample the wares first so I would know what I’m blabbing about. Before I run, I want to know what it is I am running from. And after running around with the usual crowds I find out that being a copy of the majority in order to belong is a too high price to pay. It made me unhappy and feeling like a fake I don’t even recognize my own self. It’s easier though than swimming against the current but things that are worthy are worth flexing some muscles. Good exercise. Keep the body and mind healthy. And I’m getting sidetracked again so I will leave you here and till next time.

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Shallow

Empty vessels make (the) most noise, you know… bells… Still water runs deep. Coins always make sound but paper money are always silent. I heard somebody said: Deep down, I happen to be very shallow. Talk of juxtaposition. Here’s another one: Deep breaths are very helpful at shallow parties. Funny. Funny because there is some truth in it.

I’d like to think as a rule, I am very careful to be shallow and conventional where depth and originality are wasted. I borrowed that from somewhere. Can’t remember anymore where. 

They say To define yourself by some label or some level of resources – that’s pretty shallow. I agree. Some people might not. They would and could argue that:

There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you’re insightful about it.

I will not pretend I understand. Probably I will if I am having one of those Eureka moments which are getting fewer and fewer these days. Is this mean I am becoming shallow? When one gets older and priorities and preferences changes and reduce to essentials, is one becomes shallow? F. Sionil Jose said:

“We are all shallow because we have become enslaved by gross materialism, the glitter of gold and its equivalents, for which reason we think that only the material goods of this earth can satisfy us and we must therefore grab as much as can while we are able.”

Is this true? In our current society, it seems to be. Sad isn’t it?

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Love Your Body

Little babies love every inch of their bodies. They have no guilt, no shame, and no comparison. You were like that, and then somewhere along the line you listened to others who told you that you were “not good enough.” You began to criticize your body, thinking perhaps that that’s where your flaws were.

Let’s drop all that nonsense and get back to loving our bodies and accepting them totally as they are. Of course, they will change—and if we give our bodies love, they will change for the better.

The subconscious mind has no sense of humor and does not know false from true. It only accepts what we say and what we think as the material from which it builds. By repeating these positive affirmations over and over, you will be planting new seeds in the fertile soil of your subconscious mind, and they will become true for you.

I Love My Body

My body is a glorious place to live. I rejoice that I have chosen this particular body because it is perfect for me in this lifetime. It is the perfect size and shape and color. It serves me so well. I marvel at the miracle that is my body. I choose the healing thoughts that create and maintain my healthy body and make me feel good. I love and appreciate my beautiful body!

When you practice affirmations to Love Your Body, stand in front of the mirror and repeat each new thought pattern ten times. Do this twice a day. Also, write your affirmations ten times during the day. Work with one affirmation a day. You can also write your own positive affirmations. Then if there is any part of your body you still dislike or have a problem with—use that particular affirmation daily for at least a month, or until positive change takes place.

If doubts or fears or negative thoughts come up, just recognize them for what they are—old limiting beliefs that want to stay around. They have no power over you. Say to them gently, “Out! I no longer need you.” Then repeat your affirmations again.

Where you stop working is where your resistance is. Notice the part of your body that you don’t want to love. Give this part extra attention so you may go beyond the limitation. Release the resistance.

In this way, within a short time, you will have a body you really love. And your body will respond by giving you excellent health. Each part of your body will be working perfectly as a harmonious whole. You will even find lines disappearing, weight normalizing and posture straightening.

I love and appreciate my beautiful mind.

I love my eyes. I see clearly in every direction.

I love my nose. I am the power and authority in my world

I love my back. I am supported by life itself.

I love my hips. I carry myself through life in perfect balance.

I love my legs. I move forward in life, unencumbered by the past.

That which we constantly affirm becomes true for us.

– Appreciate Every Inch Of You by Louise Hay

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Until We Are Whole, We Will Continue To Attract Halves

“What I can do is offer myself, wholehearted and present, to walk with the people I love through the fear and mess. That’s all any of us can do. That’s what we’re here for.” ~ Shauna Niequist

Until we have become whole, we will attract those who are meant to teach us lessons about who we are.

This isn’t about just learning to love who we are, but about welcoming each and every part of ourselves without shying away from the aspects we see as contradictions.

To love is a journey that first begins with the formation of our true self.

While many of us have grasped the idea that there is no one out there who can truly be our other half, we still are learning lessons about ourselves or who we choose to be with.

Every single one of us is on a different path, with a different philosophy about love. Yet we all have similar lessons to learn.

To be whole means that we’ve discovered the truth about who we are. Not who we have been told we are, or who we have been conditioned to be—but our truest self—apart from anyone else’s expectations.

This means that we have to make the conscious choice to follow our intuition—our hearts will lead us in an authentic direction. This can be one of the most difficult aspects of life because we are taught to consider others in our choices.

But in reality, we are not living our life for anyone else.

Until we can feel comfortable with who we are, then we will continue to attract individuals who teach us lessons about ourselves.

Personally, part of my journey toward love has involved learning that sometimes what I thought I wanted was the very thing I didn’t need. I was raised as the “good girl.” I never wanted to disappoint my loved ones and I upheld the conservative norms that were expected of me. But during this period of my life, I never stopped to actually consider whether my actions truly aligned with who I was. It was easier to continue blindly doing what I thought I should, instead of stopping to whether it what I really wanted.

So at the time, I didn’t attract a whole person, but another half who was meant to cause chaos and upheaval in my life forcing me to awaken to who I wanted to be.

It wasn’t easy and it also wasn’t the end of my journey or lessons on self-love.

To be able to identify as whole we first have to discover exactly what we are made of, and what our purpose is here on Earth. For many of us, we can only experience these lessons with someone who reflects back our insecurities and our past wounds.

One time I chose a man who was emotionally unavailable because I hadn’t yet become comfortable with my own truth or ask for exactly what I needed.

Honestly, I still hadn’t accepted the truth of what I wanted, so I didn’t expect anyone else to either.

I desperately tried to blend in and fulfill his needs, swallowing down my own truth, and start on the path of traditional love, fulfilling the typical pinnacle moments that many identify as lasting love, such as marriage and children.

Yet, no matter how much I tried to utter the words he needed to hear, I just never could.

I was just a half, trying to find completion by fulfilling the needs of another. I was trying on his capes that I was never meant to wear. Instead, I finally made the choice to take them off and become the woman who I really was all along.

Truthfully, I had been scared of her for a long time.

She was different, her thoughts didn’t align with what everyone else was doing and it seemed that what she wanted things that didn’t exist. This woman didn’t just dance to the beat of her own drum; she flat out created her own music. The most frustrating aspect of her was that even to me, she never made sense.

She was wiser than her years and experiences. She didn’t fit into one box comfortably and seemed to enjoy so many things that it was impossible to decide which her favorite was.

But one evening, I sat her down and looked her in the eyes, realizing that in order to become whole, I needed to accept her.

I needed to love her exactly for who she was, and instead of trying to fit her into someone else’s life, I needed to let her create her own life.

This isn’t an act that was done overnight, or without tears or heartbreak but once we let ourselves balloon out in our entirely whole, beautiful selves, we will finally be in the position to welcome another whole individual into our lives.

We won’t try fitting into their molds or cutting their sharp corners in an attempt to make them fit into ours. We simply will finally be in a place to accept another exactly for who they are, because we have learned to accept ourselves for who we truly are.

Until we have made the choice to love who we really are—contradictions and all—we will continue to attract those who only love a fraction of ourselves.

~via Kate Rose

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Paper

What would we do without it? Even in this time of ultra- modern technology paper is still indispensable, especially in the western society where people prefer to use it in the little room to clean what needs to be clean instead of just using the more hygienic alternative- water. Don’t get on your high horse so fast because I am not on mine either. I am just telling the simple fact and the simple truth. Don’t look for meaning behind it. I have my own stock of kitchen rolls in the garage too, something which is unthinkable where I came from. We air dry dishes and only have one dish cloth and one rag to clean every surface. Now, I have boxes and boxes of paper hankies for my chronic sinusitis and ongoing allergies. And I still prefer good old fashioned books than E-books and still holding on to little notebooks and post it notes to record my old school thoughts.

I used to have a collection of expensive multi-colored stationery which I hardly use. I bought them because I like the way they look, feel and smell. Reminds me of the beginning of the school year when I was young and my oldest sister shopped school supplies for me and my siblings. Those were the happiest times in my life. Going to school was so important to us the worst punishment my parents could inflict on us was to make us stay at home on school days to clean the house. Corporal punishment was preferable than missing a day of school. 

I don’t know if our modern technology has a positive effect on deforestation or it’s the other way around. I hope those stories about sustainable forests is not just a myth. I love paper and its various forms but not in the cost of the environment. As of now, we are experiencing a heat wave for two consecutive weeks now it is forbidden by our government to even water our own gardens and fill pools so our kids could swim. And it looks like it will continue towards the next week for the time being. Record shows that the number of days with highest temperature in history have increased double in the last couple of years. I wonder how long those unbelievers could deny the reality of global warming.

Here I am getting side tracked again. Do you think living without paper is possible in the near future? Or is it like asking if we could exist without the existence of plastic and God knows what other engineered products we think indispensable to our lifestyle and survival.

I’m off now to have a few seconds under the shower to cool off. I guess the government will not fine me for trying to still alive. They don’t keep track of what I’m doing anyway. Or they will arrest me for sitting here typing this article butt-naked (or it is buck-naked?) Anyway, I’m out of here and maybe see you later. (P.S. It’s too hot to edit. You know what I mean)

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To The Beautiful Woman Who Is Striving To Be Skinny

I see you everywhere.

You’re on my Facebook, posting selfies of your latest workout as sweat drips from your brow, words like dying, puking, exhausting are hash-tagged underneath.

Punishment.

My Instagram is filled with pictures of you, sporting your Lorna Jane as you burn away the calories of the cake you shouldn’t have eaten, but were too weak to resist.

Penance.

You sit opposite me, order your salad, no dressing, and berate yourself for being a kilogram heavier this week.

Self-loathing.

You are fraught with comparison, with how short you fall next to the mothers at the playground you’ll never be as fit as, the group of women at the gym you’ll never be as strong as, the bodies in the magazines you’ll never be as sexy as. You beat yourself up. Promise that tomorrow you’ll eat less and work out more. No excuses, no matter what. Push yourself, purge yourself, pressure yourself.

I was once like you. I obsessed over the number on the scale, lived by punishment or reward, survived on protein shakes, and applauded myself for staying under 1,000 calories a day. I worked out, no matter what. No matter how tired my body was, no matter how run down, exhausted, or unwell. I worked out until I almost threw up, head over my knees, rebuking myself with slogans. Go hard or go home. Unless you puke, faint or die, keep going. Excuses are for people who don’t want it bad enough. I pushed past the pain and worked out when my muscles were fatigued, when my body screamed for me to stop, when I injured my knee, my shoulder, until I eventually tore a disc in my back.

And that changed everything.

In an instant, I could no longer work out. My world ended. There was no worse fate that could have happened to me. I laid on my stomach for a month, unable to do anything. I cried with frustration, beat myself up with failure, drowned in self-hatred. I feared. I feared getting left behind, losing all the work I had put into my body. I feared people thinking I was lazy or weak. But mostly, I feared getting fat. Because in my eyes, that was the ultimate failure.

And so before my body was healed, I started to work out again. Each time would see me back where I’d started, in pain, on the floor, unable to walk. I did this for months until I just no longer could. Until I had to listen to my body, to surrender to what it needed. Rest. Recovery time. Gentle walks. Stretching. Yoga.

No more sweat-pouring, fat-burning, muscle-aching workouts.

At first it killed me, this surrendering. It yelled defeat, poked and prodded into my deepest places of insecurity and challenged my self-worth to the core; I was more bound in my body image than I realised. It’s subtle, the infiltration of what we are programmed to believe is beauty—we don’t realise the way it creeps into us, the way we yield to society’s standards even when we think we are immune to them.

Eventually, it became easier to surrender, easier to let go of the demands I had placed on myself to look a certain way. I stopped seeking my value in the number on the scale and found it instead in my mind, my heart, my character, and my contribution to the world. I shed lies, so many lies, of what I had come to believe beauty should be. I realised I had nothing to prove to anyone. Every day, I practiced kindness and spoke to myself the way I would speak to any other woman.

Beautiful woman, who you are, right now in this moment, is perfect.

I know you don’t believe me. I know you fill your head with your prerequisites of beauty. A flatter tummy. Toned arms. Size 10. Lose another five kilograms.

But I understand now.

Beauty isn’t measured in centimetres, my dear.

And the moment you understand will be the moment you find freedom.

You’ll begin to exercise because you love your body, not because you hate it. You’ll eat food that brings you life and health because your body craves nourishment, not deprivation. You’ll run in the sunshine because it brings you joy, not because you’ve earned punishment. You’ll let go of striving, of negativity, of guilt and frustration and failure.

But mostly, you’ll come to realise how beautiful you really are. How strong, how brave, how kind, how intelligent, how clever, how funny, how generous, how thoughtful. How much you love. Not how much you weigh.

Beautiful woman, stop.

Stop striving to be skinny, as if that’s the only measure of your worth.

Instead, strive to change the perception of beauty, the lies we have been told.

Strive to empower women, our daughters, through the truth of their worth.

Strive to see how beautiful you really are, right now, exactly in this moment.

And then watch the world become more beautiful, because of you.

Author: Kathy Parker

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Volume

Does size matter?

I bet there are more answers than one.

And all of them can be right.

Or wrong according to preference.

I heard a long time ago that when it comes to a certain matter it is not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean. Before, I would have contest it but experience taught me that it is indeed so. Is it important? Up to a certain degree it is. But not enough to rock a solid foundation.

What about our recent bench mark on beauty? The thinner the better? Thigh gaps and all?

Let’s talk about possessions.

Bigger houses bigger cars bigger balance in bank accounts

How about goals?  Not Citius, Altius, Fortius but Altus, Grandis, Immanis or it is Ingens, Bumelia, Magnus?

Just give me real, lasting and cozy. Harmonious, respectful, loyal and trustworthy. Quality over quantity. That’s good enough for me.

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Daily Prompt

Why Becoming An Interesting Person Is No Longer Interesting To me

I don’t care that you’ve been around the world, I want to know what you’ve experienced in those places that has shaped you into the beautiful human who you are now.

What are you passionate about and how does it show up in what you do?

I was asked this by someone I met the other day.

I found it to be one of the more interesting questions I’ve been asked recently.

Generally, when I meet people at conferences, events or social gatherings I’m asked one of two questions:

“What do you do?”

“Where are you from?”

These two questions feel forced, canned and certainly not interesting.

So when someone asks me, “What are you passionate about and how does that show up with what you do?” I’m intrigued.

Well, intrigued and slightly stumped.

I knew that I could answer this in a number of ways, so I wasn’t yet sure of what I wanted to say.

I had to really think and feel into what I wanted to share with this human who I had just met.

You see, most introduction questions attempt to put us into a metaphorical box—but her question did the opposite.

I certainly wasn’t thinking, “Is she going to judge or stereotype me based on what I do?”

I was relieved. And her question opened up the conversation into a deeper understanding of how we can create more awesome and meaningful relationships.

This leads to an (interesting) discussion about being interested versus being interesting.

But first, I’m curious: do people generally feel more connected with someone when they’re talking about themselves (no matter how cool their world is or isn’t) or when they’re asking you questions about yourself that they actually want to know the answers to?

For me, it’s the latter. I love when people ask me questions that really get me to think and feel.

Not, “What do you do?” or “Where are you from?” questions, but questions that make stop and really consider the answers.

These questions don’t have to be fancy, but meaningful and connective.

Asking these questions is something I try to do whenever I’m getting to know someone else.

Most of us have been conditioned to believe that in order to become “cool” or interesting, we must be interesting — travel the world, own a business, live an unconventional life or do significant things.

This, however, is not the case.

In fact, the more I make relationships about myself or all the “cool” things that I’ve done, the more off-putting I become to others.

Ever hear someone brag and talk about all the places that they’ve been? Someone who doesn’t share this information with the intention of orienting the listener to another culture, but rather as something that makes the speaker feel significant or better in some way?

I’ve certainly experienced this and have tried to not be “that guy,” at times.

Being interesting is exhausting and it puts a lot of pressure on ourselves to keep up with an image that we think we need to be for people to like us.

Personally, I don’t care that you’ve been around the world. I want to know what you’ve experienced in those places that has shaped you into the beautiful human who you are now.

I don’t care that you’re about to sell one of your businesses for millions of dollars—I’d rather know why you started it to begin with.

I don’t care that you’ve written a NY Times best seller, but I do want to feel what you had to sacrifice to get to that achievement.

I want to know who you are, not where you’re from.

I don’t care what you do, unless you share it in a way that allows me to experience more of who you are.

So, I’ll do my best to not ask you questions that rob you of the opportunity to share how wonderfully human you are.

Will you do the same?

Be interested in an interesting way.

Ask better questions.

Listen—really listen—and watch a world of opportunities open up for you like you never expected.

Not because you wanted them to, but just because you decided to be interested in an interesting way.

Relephant

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Timely

We are a generation that replaces, that doesn’t repair, that doesn’t try, because we are busy in the race of life. We are too cool, too rigid, with “I don’t give a fuck” attitude, and we are too confident that, we can find other people who will be so much better than these stupid people who once were an inseparable part of our life. We break up on text messages, we end friendships by a whatsapp message followed by un-friending, unfollowing on every social media portal. I mean, seriously? Texts, the most fucked up form of communication that only and solely causes confusion and communication gaps!

I am not saying, keep chasing, keep running behind that person, but at least give it one shot? Drop them a text, place a call, and talk, try to figure it out. I know it’s easy to find yourself new cool chaps to hang out with, go grab a drink with, and dance the weekend away, but don’t you think for all the times you people were there for each other when no one else was, do you think you’ll be able to find someone; who you’ll run to when your heart is breaking, who you’ll run to when you need to approach that guy you’ve been crushing since forever, someone who you want to share every tiny detail of your day, who you run to when you need those arms to heal you, who you’ll call when you have no words to explain what’s happening in your head and heart. I think, “your person” should be given one chance, what you shared should be given one chance. The numerous emotions, memories, etc deserve one chance?

-by Divyar Rikhari

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