How To Have An Affair Without Getting Caught

That’s the title of an article I saw passing by my feed tonight. As a whole, the item is nothing but a click bait because aside from a couple of general knowledge tips that have totally nothing to do with the topic, there is nothing there but BS.

You might say it works because I clicked. The answer is yes and no.

Yes, it works because the title had sparked something in me; an urge to write and disagree. No, it did not work the way they intended it to be.

It reminded me of another article, this time in Elephant Journal about Why We Cheat In A Relationship. You can read it here.

According to them we are all cheaters and I agree. Anything we keep to ourselves (like buying personal items and not telling your partner about it or significantly reduced the price__ I had a friend who bought jewelry and hid them under the fridge and when we go out she would put them on in the car__ or daydreaming about your boss, neighbor, a hunk at work, masturbating after you told your partner you don’t feel like having sex tonight, etc.) is a form of cheating. Like everyone lies. Little or small. White or otherwise. Heck, we even lie to ourselves sometimes for whatever reasons.

According to the Journal:

We don’t need to beat ourselves up about this. There’s nothing wrong with us.

We cheat on our partners for all kinds of reasons—it has nothing to do with them. We cheat because we’re pissed off, we cheat because we’re insecure, we cheat because we’re lonely. This is driven by the subconscious part of ourselves that is trying to figure out how to have good relationships.

We have probably cheated on every single partner that we have been with. Maybe we haven’t had sex with people outside our relationships (or maybe we have), but we’ve had those gut-clenchy moments of, I can’t tell my partner about this.

We need to pay attention to the moments where we have this thought: I can’t be myself around the person I’m in a relationship with. 

Those are the moments we need to pay attention to. If we’re already having sex with other people and not talking about it, there are mountains of other things we have not been talking about with our partners. For months. Or years. Or millennia.

Here is the logic of that: We aren’t cheating because this is our idea of a good time. We are cheating because we are experiencing disconnection with ourselves and we don’t know a different way to feel good, so we only allow ourselves to feel good in short bursts.

If our relationships are making it difficult for us to be ourselves, then what the fuck are we doing there? 

Why are we in a relationship where we have to stay bottled in?

And here’s how cheating reinforces itself: we know when we feel bottled in, and all we want is to let ourselves out. Cheating is a way of letting ourselves out.

So once we start cheating with a partner, do we ever really stop?  I think the answer to this could be yes or no...

And the article goes on and on about excuses why we cheat. Some I agree with, most, I don’t.

The truth is more complex than we could ever comprehend. But whatever the reasons are, they are nothing but excuses. We cheat because we choose to do so. We could stay faithful, martyrs, oblivious, remote or we could leave them and file for divorce. The bottom line is: we always have choices. Right or wrong but we do have them. It is up to us to decide which path to walk on. Not others, us.

We could blame our partners, circumstances, background, upbringing, parents and the society but at the end, the choices are always ours. I can say all of this with conviction because__you guessed it right__ I’ve been there, done that, twice over and back.

So, when you encounter articles somewhere that telling you it is okay to cheat and give tips not to get caught, don’t feel justified; because no matter from which angle you look at it, cheating is not right. Forget what’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander and eat your heart out. It used to be my motto in my wilder years looking for my rainbow connection. But in the end, there is only one person you are doing damage to, and that is no one but yourself. So, get out while you can and I am telling you, it is better late than never.

Till next time.

Thoughts For Today

Like wildflowers, you must allow yourself to flourish ___ in all the places people thought you will never grow.

A truth that’s told with bad intent Beats all the lies you can invent.

This painting named “The Truth coming out of the well” was done by the Frenchman Jean-Léon Gérôme in 1896 & in an attempt to explain it one story goes like this.

Truth and the Lie meet one day. The Lie says to the Truth: “It’s a marvellous day today”! The Truth looks up to the skies and sighs, for the day was really beautiful. They spend a lot of time together, ultimately arriving beside a well. The Lie tells the Truth: “The water is very nice, let’s take a bath together!” The Truth, once again suspicious, tests the water and discovers that it indeed is very nice. They undress and start bathing. Suddenly, the Lie comes out of the water, puts on the clothes of the Truth and runs away. The furious Truth comes out of the well and runs everywhere to find the Lie and to get her clothes back. The World, seeing the Truth naked, turns it’s gaze away, with contempt and rage.

The poor Truth returns to the well and disappears forever, hiding therein, it’s shame. Since then, the Lie travels around the world, dressed as the Truth, satisfying the needs of society, because, the World, in any case, harbours no wish at all to meet the naked Truth.

(Source: The Unknown but Not Hidden via Facebook)

The Mailman

Imagine death, as a corporate looking mailman.

with his black suit and red tie,
black pants, and black leather shoes.
a brown leathered sling bag all the way to his waist and a blue cap on top of his head as it overshadows parts of his face though you can still see his smile.
sure, it somewhat looks creepy, but he tries to be a cheerful person.
he leaves the house before sunrise and proceeds to work.
delivering presents in every houses, with a little note on top of every gift that says,
“you’ve made it today, here is a gift from me. sincerely, death”

inside the box, is your life, for you to use today. the dew of first breath in the morning, until you wake up.

death never fails to deliver his presents in every house,
because each house is different every day.

some look as bright as the sun,
some look as colorful as a rainbow,
others look as dark as his suit,
but most are pretty normal.
but nothing stays the same.

most days, no one is there to receive his gifts, but he never feels sad about it.
he just cheerfully knock on your door or ring the doorbell.
though, when no one answers, he carefully places the present in front of the doorstep and leaves,
for he has no time to wait — he needs to finish all his work before sunrise.

oftentimes, someone is already waiting by the doorstep to receive the parcel.
from then he tries to bargain, he is not a businessman nor business inclined, but he gives you the freedom to choose between the gift of life or the package of eternity.
if you choose life, then he will give it to you, whether you want it or needed it. a chance to see another day.
yet if you choose eternity, as he always had in reserve for you, when the right time comes, then, that is the time you need to leave your home and pass on,
but he will let you bring the boxes that you have,
the box which once contains life is now filled with memories, a gift for you to take with you.

funny, how death gives us more presents than Santa could ever give, no matter how naughty or nice you have been.
how he gives us more chances, more than God ever did.
and yet, he never asked anything in return.

death is your ordinary cheerful corporate looking mailman, that never fails to do his job. though he may be sometimes under-appreciated, he still finds his way to deliver his gifts each and every day.

Words by Clarke Stein