Tag Archives: romance

Loop

Let’s put our cards on the table: some women are stuck with men who don’t deserve them, yet we often fail to take the necessary steps to leave them.

Talking from personal experience, what used to comfort me was realizing there are many out there whose situations were just like mine, friends and strangers alike.

Let’s take Frida Kahlo for instance. She willingly stuck with Diego Rivera, yet everybody knew that he didn’t deserve her. Their story used to be my inspiration, back when I was stuck with a man I wanted to leave, but never felt I could. I tried to speculate: why did she stay with him, and how did it feel to stay while feeling miserable?

The reasons for staying are many, and each woman can only acknowledge her own. Still, I think we usually stay with men who don’t deserve us for four main reasons—and we won’t admit these to anyone but ourselves:

1. Fear—It can be fear of leaving and not finding another man we can profoundly love, or fear of leaving when there’s a chance he will change.

2. Attachment—Not only attachment to him, but attachment to the history together.

3. Hope—Believing that the man we love doesn’t deserve us can be devastating, so we keep hoping that things will get better.

4. Giving Up—Being with the wrong man depletes a woman of her energy.

Rather than taking the below crucial steps to fix my situation, I simply accepted my reality.

We know that leaving isn’t as effortless as some may think it is. Talk is easy, but when it comes to taking action, it can be the most complicated process, ever. We will have guilty thoughts accompanied with emotional loss. And the worst is being stuck with a man who manipulates us into staying every time we try to leave.

One thing I won’t say is this: “Leave, he doesn’t deserve you.”

I’ve personally heard that quite a lot, and frankly it never helped me with anything. As a result, I unconsciously stayed with my partner when I saw the whole world was against him.

Today, I will tackle the steps that helped me leave. Attachment to my partner and to my suffering blinded me then, but with great introspection and courage, I was finally ready to take the blindfold off my eyes.

1. Use the statement “talk to the hand, because the ears aren’t listening.”

Keep this in mind when people tell us why we should leave. Gently ask them to keep their opinions to themselves, or simply turn a deaf ear to them—maybe fantasize about an exquisite Martini on the beach while they’re talking. This can be difficult to do, especially since the people talking will mostly be our family and close friends, but it is crucial to develop our own opinions on the matter.

As long as we listen to what other people are saying, it will be impossible to prioritize our thoughts. Our actions will be based on other’s perceptions and not ours.

2. Be a recluse.

Once we’ve succeeded in doing step one, now it’s time to form our own line of thinking. In order to do this, we should stay away from everyone, including our man. Take a vacation for a week, if you must. We will get nowhere attempting to find our own thoughts with our man next to us. In other words, we shouldn’t be influenced by him.

Space is critical to know what we should do. Perhaps after spending some time alone, we’ll figure out a new way of dealing with him, other than leaving. Whatever the decision, it cannot be shaped unless we take space.

3. Introspection followed by making a decision.

Now it’s time to make a decision. But for us to take this step, we should pay a visit to the past. Sit quietly and go back to the beginning of your relationship. Note the good times, as well as the bad ones. With this introspection, we can come out with a decisive conclusion: If the bad times outweighed the good ones, it is a clear sign that deep inside us lies a whole lot of pain and it’s probably time to leave.

However, when going back to the past, our mind might draw the good times and hardly recall any bad ones. If this is the case, maybe it’s better to reconsider our decision.

4. Find stability within you.

Once we’ve decided to leave, we should find that place inside ourselves where we can lock our emotional stability, which is pivotal to sticking with your decision. Our man might try everything possible make us stay. If we aren’t emotionally stable, we will fall for the trap—just as I did, many times.

Remember: your emotional stability is your weapon, without it you can’t go to war with your man. He will fight you with all the beautiful words in the world and all the unforgettable history you both had. Fight back with your stability and you shall win.

5. Don’t push yourself.

Now that we know we want to leave, it is better not to draw a time frame—we can take all the time we need to do it. Maybe we will be ready in a week, and maybe in a year. Some of us might stay longer, to get over the relationship while staying with him. This way, once we’re not together anymore, we won’t suffer as much.

Take for instance people suffering from alcoholism or drug addiction. To refrain from their habits, some might slowly cut back before they are ready to completely stop.

6. Plan your future.

One thing we don’t want to happen after leaving, is to regret what happened. In order to prevent this, we should plan our future ahead of time. Maybe plan a trip, register for activities, programs, even meditation classes. Never leave yourself without any plans, at least at the beginning of your journey alone.

When a relationship ends, we should use our time wisely. To prevent feeling lonely or bored—and particularly regretful—we should keep ourselves busy so we don’t drown in negative thoughts.~

When using this guide women should keep in mind that they’re the only ones responsible for their own happiness. There is no such thing as “accepting reality”—we are the creators of our reality.

Love shouldn’t make us miserable or doubtful. If it does, then it’s not love. It’s only a false image of love that is controlled by ego, attachment and neediness. Never be weakened by fear. Fear is a liar. Follow your intuition, be strong, and remember: everything looks hard from a distance.

~Relephant Read: Via Elyane Youssef

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Puncture

If you ask me this is what happens to most relationships_ a puncture here and there brought by little disagreements, irritations, minuscule fissures of disappointments, tiny holes of dissatisfaction, awakenings, disillusions and before you know, the once voluminous affair full of dreams, passion and false hopes is nothing but a depleted space that keeps growing between you two till it become unbridgeable, irreparable and there is nothing left but to accept the fact that the once had been will never be the same again.

Most people separate. Some brave it through and stay together even though the relationship is over waiting for it to die a natural death. They stay for the children, for financial reasons, for image, for family, for any excuse they can think of in order not to join the statistics. The lucky ones have friendship to fall back on and content themselves with platonic alliance, living like brother and sister side by side bound by mutual respect and care for each other fuel by the memories of how it was once upon a time. Those like I said are the lucky ones.

For most of us the once paradise becomes a prison, living with fellow inmates whom like themselves are bored to death but terrified to venture out there and explore the unknown even though the door is never been locked. If you are living too long in one condition, options are terrifying prospects. The uncertainty of freedom is paralyzing so, better to stay indoors where everything is safe and familiar. The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. And so they say.

Mind you I can’t blame them. Relationship like love is a verb. It needs constant tending in order to flourish. If you don’t stoke the fire it will die down sooner or later. They say passion lasts only two years, maximum. No one can sustain a passionate relationship for too long. It is time and energy consuming and hazardous to physical and mental health not to mention emotional and psychological well-being (or is it the same thing?) Anyway, real life is far from romance novels. There are bills to pay, children to feed and send to schools. And between work, social, family life and mortgages screaming for constant attention, the first to suffer and disappear is the time for romance. Funny how people forget the most important thing in the midst of chaos. Most don’t realize that without a healthy dynamics between couples, the rest will eventually die as well.

What to do to keep the balance?

I would say find out what works for you and keep doing it. Maybe for you setting a date  for romance once a week will do. For others who love spontaneity (like me) whenever it itches scratch it. Forget about everything for a moment. The dirty dishes and laundry will not run away if you spend a 15-30 minutes (or how long it takes to satisfy the cravings) private moments with your other half. You would be surprise what a couple of unplanned little us-time could do to boost your relationship and add colors to your days.

Other things that might work are giving compliments, saying thank you telling each other your appreciations for what the other does for you and your family, smiles, unexpected little kisses on the cheeks, spontaneous hugs, little notes left in lunch boxes, post-it messages on the fridge. Tease and play with each other, sweet and naughty text messages, anything that shows that despite of your busy schedules you don’t forget your sweetheart exists.

Those are the tapes that sealed those little punctures when you quarrel or have disagreements. When you see a hole or created one, see to it that you repair them before it is too late. Unless you want the whole thing to collapse and be depleted.

P.S.

Did not edit this piece. Any mistake you see, please be lenient.

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I’m The Type Of Person Who Is In Awe Of Pain

Everything I have created in my life, be it drawings or poems, was driven by suffering. Through you, however, was I able to create something driven by love and happiness.

I wrote you nothing but beautiful words.

The tables have turned today. For the first time, I reach out to you with melancholic words—yet I’m not sure if you deserve any more words from me.

I’m not the type of person who blames other people. When it comes to you, I’m only blaming myself.

I lulled myself into thinking you loved me. Doing so gave me a sense of security. I kept coming to you like a dog would come to a treat. But the truth is, you never asked me to come; and maybe this is why I blame myself.

I blame myself because it was crystal clear that we were not going anywhere and yet, I kept myself living in a shell of delusion. I translated your passiveness to humility, your silence to empathy and your reluctance to hope.

I drew a thoroughly different image of you than who you truly are. And yet, the universe was intelligent enough to spin the wheel of events and unveil the reality of your flimsy emotions toward me.

You never understood love, for if you did, you would’ve understood that nothing can keep you away from the person you truly want. No mistakes, no uncertainty and no doubt can keep your soul away from hers. No temptation and no desires can have you kissing lips other than hers.

A man who truly loves is a man who aims to fix, to understand what went wrong and own his part of the problem.

A man who loves is a man who forgives, who helps his partner remove the cloud that’s shadowing the truth.

A man who loves is a man who overcomes his fears and strongest insecurities.

But here I am today, learning more about the type of man you truly are. I am waking from the dream I’ve been in for far too long. You’re not the one who woke me up though—time and situation did.

And it seems you have woken up as well, considering you have disappeared. You were like a storm that knocked me over then vanished into nothingness.

I don’t hate you—I have loved you deeply, to the extent of not allowing any traces of hate to occur in the future.

But I suddenly feel indifference. I feel what I should’ve felt long ago.

As for you, we both know now that you were already indifferent about all of this. There is no need to keep speculating whether you love me or not. You see, love is simple and easy to spot. Love is a moment that transforms into forever. When you fall in love, there are no doubts, no speculations, no over-thinking.

You just know that this is the person you want to wake up next to every morning for the rest of your life.

And so, love defeats all. To love is to tightly hold a rose with all its thorns and allow them to deeply sink in your flesh. But if you’re not in love, you’ll behold that rose and think twice before scratching yourself with the tiniest thorn.

And sadly, you only stared at my rose, but never held it the way I thought you would.

Passive man, I set you free now. I set you free from my love, myself and my being.

Although I thought I wasn’t expecting much of you, the ugly truth is, I was. And thus, I too set myself free from the expectations and delusions that I willingly delved into.

You’re the one who taught me what love is and at the same time taught me what love isn’t.

And now, I can only thank you for the lessons and the memories.

~Relephant

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Finding The One Later In Life

The Mystery

Having met you later in life,
there are no memories of
young romantic love,
high school roller skating parties,
college weekdays longing for your touch.

No memories of experiencing together
life’s first tastes of freedom
or the innocence of believing that
we had all the time in the world.

I never knew your young body nor you mine;
those days when I looked radiant in the morning.

When life finally brought us together
We stood before each other
In the stark reality of all we had become.
Too mature to hide
Yet secretly wondering
If the other would stay
And if love was worth the trouble
After all this time.

Piece by piece
We removed the layers of life
Shedding off what no longer served us
Until we discovered a place deep inside,
Beyond judgment, expectation,
Or what anyone else thought

Where we found only pure light.

Smiling, we instinctively knew
We had everything we needed
For the rest of the journey.

Now
With you by my side
I can see the light in your eyes
Reminding me
Of who we really are.

Forgiveness has never been so easy
And love so real.

Having met you later in life,
The knowledge that our time here is limited
Grows stronger with each passing moment.

Instead of running,
I pause and breathe.
Hold your gaze.
Feel your energy.
And open my heart to the mystery of life.

Author: Christy Sperrazza

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Why Do People Cheat?

Is cheating bad? No, but I think most people would argue that it’s just plain wrong. But if we get stuck in cheating being “wrong,” we lose the opportunity to understand what drives it.

So, why in God’s name do people cheat? What is their problem? Are they just mean, cruel narcissists?

Nope.

Are they just bad people?

Wrong again.

Cheating is a normal human behavior when a person doesn’t know to do relationships (which is most people).

Cheating is what we, human beings, do when we purchase a fantasy about relationship and then expect it to feel good all the time. When the relationship gets hard, the doorway to “cheat” opens because we are suckers for avoiding pain and seeking pleasure.

Contrary to popular belief, cheating is not for losers, and cheating isn’t done by sociopaths that are out to get us.

Cheating is done by normal people who don’t know how to articulate and express their frustrations with their current relationship and are too scared to be honest about it.

Cheating is a great release for people who are not able to sit in the hot fire of their experience when the relationship gets uncomfortable.

In other words, people who cheat seek relief from pain. Understandable, pretty much everyone is carrying around a certain amount of pain.

Little do cheaters know, that like wack-a-mole, they are exchanging one set of problems for another set.

In other words, you can run from your relationship problems, but you can’t hide.

But what the person who gets cheated on? What’s going on with them?

Victims of cheating are, nine times out of ten, in my experience, people who feel bad about themselves. In other words, cheating happens most often to people who don’t value or respect themselves.

So, what to do to get cheated on? Don’t respect or value yourself.

These same people, instead of being open to this perspective, will deny this truth and claim, “I love myself completely, I don’t know what you are talking about! He/she is just a mean jerk for cheating on me.”

Not so fast folks.

If we point the finger at them, it keeps us in the victim seat. Is that where we want to stay stuck?

If we truly respect who we are, we wouldn’t be paired with a person who cheats on us. We’d have a different set of relationship challenges.

By getting cheated on, we are being asked to value ourselves.

So, if you are a cheater, instead of cheating on someone, face your relationship problems and the part of you that is addicted to the dopamine rush of instant gratification. Or, give yourself permission to be polyamorous for a while and stop pretending that you can do monogamy.

And, for the folks who got cheated on—instead of complaining about being cheated on, see and own your part—that you value yourself only to the degree that they value you. Next, see how you being cheated on is your opportunity to value yourself way more than you do.

~ Elephant Journal

Unfaithful Husband

Be Tenacious

Don’t let go of the man who shows you that you are always worth it.

Accept it, you are not perfect. There is always someone who is prettier, sexier and smarter than you. In this world, there is always someone who’s better than you. You have your own strengths and flaws. All you need is someone to tell you that you are more than enough for him and that nobody can be compared to you.

There will be days that you’ll cry, you’ll break down, you’ll get mad, you’ll feel as if you’re a failure or disappointment and you’ll feel as if you’re not enough for anyone… That’s a real challenge for any man that you’ll meet. It is not easy to calm the storms in the head of someone who is feeling like crap.

As they say, “people come and go”. Yes, it’s true. Most people will leave you once you start showing your vulnerable side. It’s very rare that people will stay in your life, trying to make you feel better and trying to untangle you from all the mess that you’re in… so when a person stays with you after all the shit that you’ve put him through, please don’t ever let him go. Meeting that type of person is a destiny and a blessing.

Once you meet that person, he’ll be there to remind you that you should never give up on life. He’ll be there to remind you that life goes on and you should keep on trying. He’ll make you realize that life is beautiful and so are you. He’ll be there to comfort you and squeeze you into a tight hug when you have those crazy meltdowns. He’ll be there to show you a thousand reasons to smile when you can’t even find one. He’ll be there to kiss away your sadness and fears. He’ll be there to love you even if you’re a mess.

He’ll accept you for who you are and what you’re not. He’ll see you as the most wonderful girl he’s ever met and he’ll make you feel like it every single day. He’ll show you that you deserve every love in the world. He’ll show you that you are always worth it no matter what happens. For once in your life, you’ll feel as if you’re more than enough for someone. You’ll be happy because of him.

He is the one who will show you that life may be hard but it’s always worth it so please keep him at all costs. Fight for him. Love him in all the ways that you know. Tell him that’s he’s wonderful. Take care of him. Don’t ever let him go because a man like him is hard to find.

Words by: Emmalyn Almazan

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Champion

LET ME THANK YOU 

I am just a simple girl. I am not perfect- I cry, I get mad, I can be too sensitive sometimes and I have those random mood swings. I get insecure and I doubt myself most of the time. No matter how many people tell me that I’m beautiful, I still feel conscious about how I look. I feel jealous about those pretty and sexy ladies who seem too perfect on their Facebook or Instagram profiles.

It seems so hard to find someone who’ll love me for who I am and what I am not… but then you came along. You made me believe in myself rather than what bullcrap things people say about me. You helped me to stand up and feel good about myself. You lifted my spirits up as if I’m a new person who is stronger and better than who I was before.

I would like to take this moment to thank you and appreciate everything that you’ve done for me. I know I may not be able to say these things to you most of the time, so here it goes…

1. Thank you for coming into my life. It has been so much happier and better since you came around.

2. Thank you for helping me to become a better person and for being my support system. You have always been there to root for me in everything that I do.

3. Thank you for accepting my flaws and for loving them just as much as how you love my strengths.

4. Thank you for never getting tired of reassuring me that I’m the only girl that you’ll love because you know how paranoid I can be most of the time.

5. Thank you for the random sweet compliments. You never fail to remind me of how beautiful I am. I’ll never get tired of hearing that from you than from anybody else.

6. Thank you for spoiling me with food and crazy adventures. You know how it excites me to eat and drive around with you. Anything can be a crazy adventure as long as I’m doing it with you.

7. Thank you for letting me vent out and rant about the bad things that have ruined my day. You have always been there to listen and comfort me just to make sure that my day will still end with a smile.

8. Thank you for keeping up with my mood swings and for the unending patience just to understand me. I know I can be a bit crazy and overacting sometimes.

9. Thank you for the stolen kisses and hugs that still make me feel all giddy. You never fail to make me feel those butterflies in my stomach whenever you are around.

10. Thank you for taking care of me and for constantly reminding me to take care of myself when you’re not with me. You know how I can be so stubborn and a pain in the ass sometimes.

11. Thank you for all your efforts- be it big or small. You have always been full of surprises and I am completely amazed on how far you can go just to make me happy.

12. Thank you for letting me do things on my own and for letting me learn new things by myself. You know how important it is for me to know my self worth and value.

13. Thank you for being there for me whenever I need a peace of mind. Sometimes, life can get a little messy and crazy but I’m lucky enough to have you as my sanctuary.

14. Thank you for telling me that things will be okay especially on those times that I was about to give up. You always hold my hand and make sure that I will not lose my faith.

15. Thank you for protecting me and keeping me safe. You don’t mind the distance that you’ll travel or how long will it take just to make sure that you’ll bring me home safely.

16. Thank you for going out with my friends and letting them become part of your life too. You know how important these people are to me and you know how much I appreciate your effort to show them how much you love me.

17. Thank you for treating my family like yours. Hands down to you for showing great respect and love to them. You are undeniably a good man.

18. Thank you for building a future with me. We make sure that we’ll be successful together and we’ll achieve the best that we can be. I admire you for not being a happy-go-lucky kind of man. You have your dreams and I have mine. I’m proud to have you as my partner to strive better for our future.

19. Thank you for not giving up on me. I know that our relationship has been tested for so many times yet you still hold on. Thank you for staying with me and for proving me that you’re not some typical boy who leaves after a fight.

20. Thank you for loving me with all of your heart. You have exceeded my expectations and you truly are more than enough. I couldn’t ask for more.

I hope you know that I love you with every ounce of my being. I hope you realize your importance not only to me, but to everyone who has been lucky enough to know you. Keep in mind that I’m always here for you and I fully intend on staying until my last breath. Always remember that I appreciate and adore you with no restraints, and that will never change.

-by Emmalyn Almazan

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Daily Prompt 

What To Expect When You fall For A girl Who Is Used To Not Needing Anyone

This one is going to be different. I can promise you that. But I can also promise that you won’t ever be uninspired or bored – this is the girl who will change you, she won’t ever take your shit, and you’ll be a better man because of it.

She comes across as a paradoxical mix of outgoing but introverted, very social but seldom out. When you’re so used to not needing anyone, you know exactly who you are, and she’ll never fake anything because of it. This makes maintaining relationships a constant struggle for her. She’ll connect with many, and they’ll quickly feel comfortable with her, but it takes her a while to feel fully comfortable, so she can only take being around others incrementally.

This might frustrate you. There seem to be so many walls to break down. Just when you start to feel like you’re figuring her out – you find another piece to the puzzle that throws everything off. Be patient. She’s this tough because she had to be. Something happened that taught her to never need anyone. Someone she needed left before she was done needing them. But none of this will spill out easily. She’s extremely uncomfortable with other people seeing her vulnerable or in pain. Her emotions and pain are hers, and this is what she’s used to.

She’ll tell herself she doesn’t need you. She’ll make situations worse by trying to suppress her feelings about them. When you fall for the girl who’s used to not needing anyone, believe that she has more feelings and layers than she knows what to do with. Her instinct will be to try to compose herself. When she does open up to you, it’s everything. Being emotionally naked with someone is how she expresses her love.

She’ll know exactly who she is and what she wants. When you’re used to not needing anyone, you do what you want, when you want, and without asking permission or informing anyone. She loves this part of her identity, but she secretly wants you to confront her. She’s hoping that sometimes, you’ll put your foot down, and challenge her stubborn ways.

She’s strong, maybe even too strong for you at first. Don’t let this fool you. This is her outer shell. Her armor. She is so used to taking care of herself that it’s going to be hard for her to let someone else in. It took a lot of work to get to where she is: Independent, taking no shit and being happy on her own. She’s afraid to let you in because she’s afraid of what will happen if you might leave.

I can promise you it won’t be easy, she’ll hang on to her walls for as long as she can. She will be enigmatic. She will always want things her way, and she’ll fight you when she doesn’t get it.

She’ll even try to push you away. This is how she protects herself.

But when you really get to know her, she’ll be the girl who will change your life. Don’t always give in to her, but be patient with her. She’s strong, but she’s also scared – scared of love, scared of needing someone, and definitely scared of you.

Because even if she says she doesn’t need you, at her core she is just a girl who has more love than she knows what to do with.

Words by: Anna Bashedly

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Dear Pretty Young Woman Flirting With My Husband

Thank you.

My husband is hot. It’s one of the many reasons why I married him. I know you think he’s hot too, and I’m cool with that.

He likes the attention. In the store. At the restaurant. You make him feel visible. You make him feel like “he’s still got it,” and that’s a good thing.

And I’m not mad or jealous.

Maybe I envy your gorgeous hair, your lovely, smooth body, and your wrinkle-free eyes, but I’m actually glad I’m not where you are in life right now. You’re still trying to figure things out. You’re looking for something that feels real to you, and fulfilling, and substantial.

You want meaningful.

You’re out there in the world trying to conjure your future, following everything and anything that will manifest your dreams. It’s a bitter-sweet place to be, but time is on your side. I remember it well.

I love that my husband feels good about himself. When you pay attention to him, he feels happy and confident. And, let me tell you, him feeling happy and confident works in my favor.

You see him in his khaki pants, and his sexy buffalo-plaid flannel shirt. You eye his awesome dad bod and his expensive boots, and you just can’t resist. He’s adorable in all the right ways. I get it.

I know he kind of looks like George Clooney. I know he’s aging ridiculously well, like a soap star. His salt and pepper hair, boyish face, and kind brown eyes are a beautiful combination. I know how it feels when he smiles at you and treats you with respect because I feel the same way. That’s who he is. He’s a pretty great guy. He looks at you directly, and he listens. He laughs at your jokes and he’s polite. He’s a fixer. He helped you call your dog back in the park that time, and you almost lost your head for a minute.

I totally get it. He’s the coolest.

But here’s what you don’t see. Sometimes he is just like everyone else.

Sometimes he’s not that nice. Sometimes he hogs the covers and sometimes “forgets” to call me when we need to talk about something important. Sometimes he’s selfish and judgmental. Sometimes he’s moody.

Sometimes he doesn’t clean up after himself. And he can be infuriating when he’s being stubborn.

When he gets sick he lays on the couch and acts like he’s dying.

What you don’t see is how worried he was when we were both much younger and newly married with a tiny baby and we were trying to make all sorts of ends meet.

You don’t see his insecurities. Like, when he lost his job and we had bills to pay and our kids were only four and six.

You don’t see all the times he took odd little jobs to make extra money so that our family would feel loved and cared for.

When you see him in the grocery store, or at the bank, or in the bar, you don’t see the other stuff. The parts that make him stable and honest. And weathered.

 All that stuff was earned.

You don’t see what made him the man he is today, which, if I may say so, is a direct result of building his life with me, his wife.

What you don’t see is our history.

You don’t see how our disagreements and our hardships lead to changes in both of us that created deeper love.

You don’t see how much we went through to become best friends. And it took a long time to become best friends, believe it or not. It was work.

You look at him, and you like what you see, but you don’t see him the way I do.

When I look at him, all I can see is us. Us for miles.

But, I want to thank you. Sincerely.

Your attention makes him feel the way he felt long ago when he was out there in the world without cares or big responsibilities—without a family—an unattached guy still drinking from a keg in someone’s backyard with his whole life ahead of him.

When you throw your head back and show him your neck, you make him feel alive and virile and assured and young.

I can’t make him feel like that, because I know him.

So, again thank you.

Now kindly run along, dear.

~Relephant: Via Kimberly Valzania

Unfaithful Husband

Daily Prompt 

Finding The One

Is it really that difficult to find someone? The answer probably is no, it isn’t. This planet of ours is crawling with all sorts of possibilities. It is so easy to think that all one has to do is to walk out there and choose.

But when I look at statistics and listen to people, read blogs of singles on dating sites and hear their experiences, I can only conclude that finding a partner is almost next to impossible.

Sometimes, it amazes me to see pictures of lovely independent capable seems intelligent enough ladies who are available but having difficulties finding their significant others. And on few occasions, I had opportunities to talk to these women in real life and I was completely baffled by the fact that most of them are:  for the lack of a better word I would say__ a good catch?  They have a lot to offer to potentials lovers, so why on earth they are still singles? What’s wrong with these women? Why they cannot find suitable partners?

Oh, I know about choosy, picky, high standard women because I am  one myself.

But I’m talking about ladies who have ordinary demands and sober enough expectations, the ones who are willing to make compromises in exchange for real feelings and long lasting relationships. I’m talking about girls who are girlfriends and wife materials, the uncomplicated sweet simple caring undemanding kind, not some bitchy lunatic gypsy weirdo who is very much attach to her personal freedom like me. The ones who are supposed to be what every man is looking for, but seems doesn’t want. Why? 

Or I am supposed to be asking what is the matter with the men instead? (yes I know, every coin has two sides) Perhaps meeting someone is indeed easy, but the chance of finding the right person might be a little bit more complicated than I originally thought, and if the new found relationship is going to work, stand the test of time and will end up in happily ever after is a completely different story altogether. 

I am nowhere near expert on this topic, not only for the lack of interest but also for the lack of experience. I don’t know what makes the men ticks and I don’t care either. I don’t give a damn if they stay or go faithful or not or if they fancy me or never look at me,  they can do whatever they wish as long as they don’t bother me much and not fooling me behind my back, it is good enough for me. There are a lot of things I rather do than keep busy analyzing how their minds work. But it’s just me. I don’t know about others.

Perhaps they’re trying too hard, looking constantly over their shoulders, too conscious and too focus finding  the right person? Maybe enjoying life and making the most of being single while waiting is the right approach, I don’t know…  

There are billions of people on this planet, there bound to be one someone for each single person out there? Which brings us back to the root of the problem… where is the one?

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Goddesses and Martians

Roaming this planet long enough, observing and absorbing life, devouring whatever reading materials I can put my hands on, I have seen a lot of cases and read so many articles about the differences between opposite sex; mostly written by women who are trying to figure out/intellectualize/analyse men whom they claim are from Mars and themselves from Venus and I think to myself: C’mon people, those are dead planets.

Though we are all born and bred here on earth and not in some distant galaxy (I know the reference to Venus and Mars is just a figure of speech) we are all different whether it is male or female. Heck, even siblings who had shared the same background, upbringing and genetic make up become two completely different individuals when they grow up. What is more with two strangers who have met for the first time…  The truth is we can never know for sure what makes men tick and vice-versa; they are also clueless when it comes to us women. So, why not cherish the difference and let them be.

It is impossible to figure out another human being, whether it is a woman or a man; they will stay when they want to stay, leave you when they feel like it, lie, cheat and deceive if given a chance and respect and love you if they think you deserve to be treated that way.

But one can stand on ones head, cry bucket of tears, practice emotional blackmail, crawl on the floor and bark, do your best and give him/her everything you own if s/he is not really  into you, s/he will disappear sooner or later. Remember that.

Like my father used to say: you can put someone inside a chest and throw away the key if that somebody really wants to escape that person will find some Houdini maneuvers to get out. In short: if there is a will, there is a way.

Trying to dissect why men (or women) do certain things is a lost cause and a waste of energy. For one thing, John is not Peter and Peter is not Paul; one rule cannot be apply for every male (or female) and besides people constantly evolved, circumstances change and so does feelings. One cannot simply say men do these unexplainable (to women) things because they are from Mars (figure of speech or not) and we react emotionally etc to whatever they do because we are from Venus.

Bad things happen sometimes to unsuspecting people. That’s the way of the world and that will always be whether we spend so much time thinking about the hows and the whys and read tons of (self-help) books and articles hoping it will give us some clue on how to solve the puzzle or not. 

Instead of making ourselves crazy figuring out men and their mystical ways, why not devote our time understanding ourselves and change our ways for the better so, we don’t need another human being to lean or depend on and we don’t have to define ourselves through them. In that manner we can become whole and complete without help from others especially the opposite sex. So, when they say goodbye we will not be left hurt broken and miserable, whining about this and that blaming what happened to some theoretical myth about inhabitants of the dead planets we have read or heard somewhere and adapted it as ours to give us excuses when the time comes, and do it all over again the first opportunity we got. We need to be able to stand strong alone before we can be any use to anybody. No one but us can change ourselves. Anything outside that is beyond our control. We have to stop thinking that we can change another human being. The changes have to come from within.

If you’re in love (or think you are) savor the moment and do not spook yourselves fantasizing all doomed scenarios and don’t confuse yourself asking why this and that, does he loves me or not, would he leave me or not, is he having somebody else or not. Don’t worry you will find it soon enough maybe even sooner than you think because you see nothing last forever and the only constant in this world is changes. What you have to do for the meantime (and for crying out loud) is enjoy the magic while it lasts.

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We Only Fall In Love With Three People In Our Lifetime

Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.” ~ Unknown

 It’s been said that we really only fall in love with three people in our lifetime.

Yet, it’s also believed that we need each of these loves for a different reason.

Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. It’s the idealistic love—the one that seems like the fairy tales we read as children.

This is the love that appeals to what we should be doing for society’s sake—and probably our families. We enter into it with the belief that this will be our only love and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel quite right, or if we find ourselves having to swallow down our personal truths to make it work because deep down we believe that this is what love is supposed to be.

Because in this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel.

It’s a love that looks right.

The second is supposed to be our hard love—the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. This is the kind of love that hurts, whether through lies, pain or manipulation.

We think we are making different choices than our first, but in reality we are still making choices out of the need to learn lessons—but we hang on. Our second love can become a cycle, oftentimes one we keep repeating because we think that somehow the ending will be different than before. Yet, each time we try, it somehow ends worse than before.

Sometimes it’s unhealthy, unbalanced or narcissistic even. There may be emotional, mental or even physical abuse or manipulation—most likely there will be high levels of drama. This is exactly what keeps us addicted to this storyline, because it’s the emotional roller coaster of extreme highs and lows and like a junkie trying to get a fix, we stick through the lows with the expectation of the high.

With this kind of love, trying to make it work becomes more important than whether it actually should.

It’s the love that we wished was right.

And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.

This is the love where we come together with someone and it just fits—there aren’t any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone other than we are.

We are just simply accepted for who we are already—and it shakes to our core.

It isn’t what we envisioned our love would look like, nor does it abide by the rules that we had hoped to play it safe by. But still it shatters our preconceived notions and shows us that love doesn’t have to be how we thought in order to be true.

This is the love that keeps knocking on our door regardless of how long it takes us to answer.

It’s the love that just feels right.

Maybe we don’t all experience these loves in this lifetime, but perhaps that’s just because we aren’t ready to. Maybe the reality is we need to truly learn what love isn’t before we can grasp what it is.

Possibly we need a whole lifetime to learn each lesson, or maybe, if we’re lucky, it only takes a few years.

Perhaps it’s not about if we are ever ready for love, but if love is ready for us.

And then there may be those people who fall in love once and find it passionately lasts until their last breath. Those faded and worn pictures of our grandparents who seemed just as in love as they walked hand-in-hand at age 80 as they did in their wedding picture—the kind that leaves us wondering if we really know how to love at all.

Someone once told me they are the lucky ones, and perhaps they are.

But I kinda think that those who make it to their third love are really the lucky ones.

They are the ones who are tired of having to try and whose broken hearts lay beating in front of them wondering if there is just something inherently wrong with how they love.

But there’s not; it’s just a matter of if their partner loves in the same way they do or not.

Just because it has never worked out before doesn’t mean that it won’t work out now.

What it really comes down to is if we are limited by how we love, or instead love without limits. We can all choose to stay with our first love, the one that looks good and will make everyone else happy. We can choose to stay with our second under the belief that if we don’t have to fight for it, then it’s not worth having—or we can make the choice to believe in the third love.

The one that feels like home without any rationale; the love that isn’t like a storm—but rather the quiet peace of the night after.

And maybe there’s something special about our first love, and something heartbreakingly unique about our second…but there’s also just something pretty amazing about our third.

The one we never see coming.
The one that actually lasts.
The one that shows us why it never worked out before.

And it’s that possibility that makes trying again always worthwhile, because the truth is you never know when you’ll stumble into love.

“You found parts of me I didn’t know existed and in you I found a love I no longer believed was real.” ~ Unknown

~ Elephant Journal

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