Every now and then I experience profound sadness I don’t know what to think or do with it. The feeling can come out of the blue and lingers for a few long minutes before it slowly seeps out of my consciousness like a vapor from a chimney pipe.
It differs from my usual state of melancholy which hangs around my person like an invisible cloak; it is not as half as heavy and never oppressing. In a way, it envelops my mind in some kind of inner peace, almost resignation… then I could breathe rather freely which doesn’t happen often; it enhances my senses enabling me to be more in touch with my surroundings and appreciate the beauty of simple little things.
On these occasions, nothing matters but the moment itself; as if I am removed from the troubles and suffering of mankind, the inner peace I momentarily acquire protects me from worries and everything that goes with it. Then suddenly I see everything clearly and feel deeply almost elated but at the same time strong and determined. As if during this short span of time my spirit finds an oasis for my weary body and exhausted mind to rest for a while, to tap its inner strength which I badly needed to face the real world.
Then ever so slowly, I feel the mood gradually departing; like sands slipping through my fingers, the sensation ebbing and I am crowded again. It’s like a dark cloud passing over the face of the sun and there it stays. Nimbus clouds gather up rapidly over the summer’s sky and once again I become my usual self… laden and heavy with the worries of this world… but in some way different; I feel cleanse…