How to Write Bad Poetry:
Start with: SCISSORS
Scissors are very good cutting your prose
into pieces (as well as fending off mobs of real poets).
It works better if you start with
some imagery, such as simile
because if everything is there
in the first place that makes it like
a childhood craft project:
mindlessly cutting and pasting
fragments of thoughts,
searching for meaning.
(a cliché by the way works well,
And may I mention
Add some tension
through predictable rhyme
how simply (time, climb, rhyme! no wait….) sublime!
Don’t even try to count syllables, meter is forbidden. Ridiculously longer lines
Really annoy people.
Choose whatever pet peeves
are in season, which leaves
or web speak (LO and bad spelling,
Rules of Punctuation; whats that
It sounds as useful as putting
St*pid stanzas in my work.
I CALL IT FREE VERSE,
Don’t forget to sprinkle drama liberally:
Spellcheck wounds my page,
Like razor blades
cause they’re made
For cutting things ‒ duh.
I can hear my page sigh
I wish I could die
The world is black like my
black boots thigh-high
Create rhyme even if it’s grammatically incorrect!!!!11eleventy-1!!
Do you think they’ll notice?
Who created the rules, does anyone know?
Hi-ho, philosophical contemplations below
with my rhetorical questions!
(Is that a Pretense of Pretension?
unseen irony?! OH, NOES!
I did that last climax so fast
I forgot to close my brackets!
Chances are it’ll give most people the shits (bad pun!)
but the forks don’t help with swallowing bad poetry. (and again!)
Chances are your worst critics will call it quits!
Instead, they will stick the forks into their eyes go postal, have suspended computer privileges and will only have rubber safety utensils from there on in.
That way you’ll never know how bad your poetry really was…
Storage Note: Best kept bottled up in an air tight container as Bad Poetry Stinks.
(found this among my old documents)