What is not risky in life? Even loving or marrying someone is a risk, probably the biggest risk of all since nursing a broken heart and emotional wounds are far worse than losing material and financial assets because money you can gain it back as long as you got a sound mind and healthy body whereas the scars and wounds caused by emotional and psychological trauma brought by failed relationships of any kind stay and often time never heal and bleed by the slightest pressure. It alters your beliefs and perspectives in life, making you more cautious and distrustful if not outright paranoid.
Everything in this world involves some kind of risk one way or the other, from boiling eggs for breakfast to getting in your car and driving to work. And even there lie greater risk of making the wrong decision like flipping a finger behind your red alpha boss not knowing the person can see your reflection on the glass door of the meeting room.
Every choice we make in any given situation carries an enormous amount of risk, even those that we think are safe and ordinary like telling the truth or lies can lead to losing your job or a divorce or a fatal fight simply because you happened to look up at the same time a suicidal person is randomly looking at you, or you happened to be walking in the city when someone decided to drive his car through the unsuspecting pedestrians or you are at the concert because it’s your birthday and out of nowhere somebody open fire for whatever reason. There you go.
Life is a risk. No matter what you do and how careful you are. Staying inside is not a solution since most accidents happen at home anyway. Living is dangerous. You are a danger to yourself whether you like it or not. From the cradle to the grave we are running at risk. Babies are risky beings because of their helplessness, toddlers, and children in general too because of their natural curiosity and zero sense of danger, teenagers and young adults are liabilities with their raging hormones and beliefs that they are immortal. And what can I say about elderlies…
The moment we decided to hang in there we are in danger, so simple is that.
… one of those dying virtues along with honesty integrity dignity devotion tolerance respect and so much more. In this world when partner and job hopping are considered fashionable and so many options to choose from, loyalty nowadays is as scarce as rain in Egypt and as elusive as anything when you want it. Based on what I see read and heard around, nobody is loyal to anything or anyone anymore. Except for pets (dogs) probably, but then again I don’t and will never know because I don’t have pets and if I would have it will not be a dog or cat but cute birds and (gold) fish, nothing larger. I’ve been devoted to my other whole for the last fifteen years. That’s the longest I’ve been faithful to someone. I hope he is the same but who knows. Anyway, it doesn’t keep me awake. He’s a big boy he knows what he wants. Let him have it. What about you, are you a loyal person?
Most people are rowing against the current of life. Instead of turning the boat around, all they need to do is let go of the oars.
— Esther Hicks
Every night, at 2 a.m. I go smoke on the balcony
Everything is frozen and foggy
I look around and the world is standing still.
Every night, at 2.05 a.m. a black dog arrives
He stops, stretches a bit, looks at me and then leaves
Between 2.05 and 2.10, I question my purpose in life
Sometimes I try to remember the past and I see the fog surrounding me
At other times, I try to be brave imagining the future
I tell myself: don’t worry, something will arrive.
At 2.10 a.m. a trolleybus passes
And that is the weirdest thing
Not my inconsistent memory
Not the shadow of the dog
Not my habit of smoking at night when it is incredibly cold and white
A trolleybus at night at 2.10 a.m. is the weirdest thing
Because there are no night trolleybuses in this city
There are only night buses
It is as if you expect a dog and you meet a wolf
It is something strange about my expectations.
As if I expect myself to be a wild horse when I am just a deer looking for shelter
Every night at the same hour
I dissolve into to landscape and I question my hopes
From the height of my balcony.
After the trolleybus passes at the same hour every cold night
I start questioning my present
I became a bit savage
I talk about poetry and art all the time and I stopped carrying about anything else
I am sometimes joyful.
And at other times stiff, grumpy and sad
I cannot bend down anymore in front of life
And from this island in the snow that became my shelter
I observe time passing
At the same hour every night.
– Laura Livia Grigore Paintings and Adventures
For a brief moment,
Entangled in your daily torture,
You almost had me
I wait for the affliction in my head to cease
But it never does
False speech drowns my mind
Caught in your network of lies,
I almost believed you
It causes me such gutless maiming,
And heartless stabbing of my soul
Somehow it’s better that way
There are instances,
Fragile and insecure opportunities,
When I almost told you
Emotive secrets chained to my heart
You’re not ready to hear them
Nor am I to voice them
In times such as these
Trapped in the pain
Listening to your hollow words
Whispering my untold memories
I begin to realize,
I’ve almost had enough.
~ by Pixel-Demon (Kathryn) via DevianArt
What it takes to be called “fashionable” these days? Expensive gadgets? (Guilty) to take lots of selfies (not guilty) to post on social media (I don’t even have an Instagram account) to show to the world how lucky you are? Big house? (Guilty) Big car? (Guilty) Having the latest trends (Guilty) of must haves it things? Jet-setting? (Is going on holidays a crime? If- then I’m guilty) How about a butt as big as KK? (not guilty) Cosmetic Enhancements? (Also not guilty) Job Hopping? Exercising freedom of speech in every possible opportunity appropriate and inappropriate for the sake of being current and involved in the eyes of… social media? Being tech savvy? Even only for pleasures (what else?) How about those current trends on fashionable illnesses like depression anxiety ADHD schizophrenia bipolar and all those delusional diseases and lifestyles complaints? Chronic conditions that modern medicine don’t want to acknowledge? Thinking of fibromyalgia CFS IBS RA, ME and bunch of disorders I can’t memorize let alone pronounce. Changing partners? (Guilty) Ever so often like changing underwear (Not guilty) Adopting rainbow family like AJ. I don’t know. What it takes to be considered fashionable these days? Tell me.
The best way undoubtedly of seeing a country is on foot. It is the safest, and most suited to every variety of road; it will often enable you to take a shorter track, and visit scenes (the finest perhaps) not otherwise accessible; it is healthy, and, with a little practice, easy; it is economical: a pedestrian is content with almost any accommodations; he, of all travellers, wants but little, ‘Nor wants that little long’. And last, though not least, it is perfectly independent.
― Robin Jarvis, Romantic Writing, and Pedestrian Travel
…plants. My plants. I care about them so much I often neglected my own needs and put theirs before me. They are the first things I attend to when I wake up in the morning (or evening, or night) even before I tidy up myself even though I care a lot about my personal hygiene too. I don’t care about makeup or beautifying products and only discovered the worth of a lipstick two years ago but I care about maintenance. I like to be clean though I hate the process of doing it. Too much ado and takes too much time. Especially lately when moving is not how it used to be. I won’t elaborate so much on that. Just imagine a machine way passed its time and you will get the picture.
What else I care about… writing. I do that first when it is raining (hard) and it is impossible to go out in my garden. I do it before drinking and eating and doing other things. I care about the books I wrote I made a copy for each of them on a USB stick and carry it with me wherever I go in case the house burns. I care about design too. Interior design. Cohesiveness and proper things in proper places. I care about design so much I will hesitate to buy anything for myself and feel guilty when I succumb to the temptation but I will not have a second thought buying anything for the house (or for the garden) I once spent fifty thousand euro purchasing things to decorate the house. I don’t do that (much) anymore.
Books… I care about books too. I can’t live without them. So maybe it is a need more than care that makes me treasure them. The urge is so strong I steal them from hotels when I’m on holiday. I will go to a lobby of any hotel check the book corner, take what interest me and replace what I took with my own books that I have read already.
Pictures… Images… That’s another thing that I care so much about. So much so that I back up all the copies I have saved in special folders. I don’t care if they are mine or others as long as it speaks to me I will save them.
I care about nature and animals. I don’t have pets but I care about them and hate to see them in captivity like in zoos circus and fair attractions. They belonged to their natural habitat. I believe they are happier there.
I care about underdogs, justice, less fortunate and elderly. I care about order, harmony, tolerance, RESPECT, and equality. There are so many things I care about and needless to say they are also the things that interest me the most.
Queen Bee And Wannabe
Why (some) people have to stand on someone else’s shoulders to look tall? And the worst part is: they believe they have the right. But I’m sure deep down inside, they know they are outclassed. Must be very difficult to accept (that’s why) well… too bad.
•Queen Bee – her friends do what she wants them to do, she feels in power and in control of her environment, but this can define her friendships.
•Sidekick – she’s the girl who is closest to the Queen Bee and will back her no matter what. They commonly bully and silence other girls to further their own agenda.
•Banker – She creates chaos by banking information about other girls and dispersing it at strategic intervals, because she knows it’s going to cause conflict. It doesn’t even seem like she’s trying to gossip because she masks it as ‘I’m just trying to be there for you’
•Messenger – She trades information and gossip about others, but differs from the Banker in that her motivation is to reconcile the parties in conflict, hoping to gain social power from doing so.
•Pleaser/Wannabe – She will do almost anything to be in the group, and is always imitating the behaviour of the Queen Bee and the Sidekick
•Torn Bystander – She doesn’t want to go against the more powerful people in the group and convinces herself not to challenge them.
•Target – She’s the girl who is humiliated, made fun of or excluded. Girls in the clique can become targets if they’ve challenged someone higher on the totem pole and need to be put in their place.
I’m homesick for a home that hasn’t yet been built
That has no foundation
Except for the tears that I’ve spilled
A home where my dreams start to breathe
And my wild things can dance
And twirl in the wind
And believe in romance
My heart aches for a place that’s been only a whisper
A thought I haven’t had but can clearly remember…
— Deanne Tiffany
The view outside my home office window. A 101 on patience.