By Rachael Wolff
Do you feel like you deserve to be treated better? That is because you do. Whether it is with colleagues, family, friends, or intimate relationships. We all deserve the very best. The key is making sure we are treating ourselves that way. This is a journey worth taking. We dictate how others will treat us. Here are five steps to get treated the way you deserve:
1. Make a List of All the Ways You Feel Wronged
Be honest with yourself; this is not the time to be polite. This is the time to go deep and get it all out. Here are just a few questions to help get you going:
➢ How were you treated?
➢ How did it make you feel?
➢ What patterns do you see in the way people treat you?
➢ Who has mistreated you verbally, with actions, or inaction’s?
➢ Where are you most mistreated (home, work, intimate relationships, friendships)?
2. Reverse the List Back to You
With every answer ask yourself where and how have you treated yourself this way:
➢ How have you mistreated yourself through actions, inaction’s, and self-talk? Where do you mistreat yourself in your relationships at home, work, intimate relationships, and/or friendships?
➢ How does mistreating yourself make you feel?
What you will find is that nobody can treat you worse than you treat yourself. Our energies don’t allow it. We are all mirrors of each other and when we react with emotions to someone else’s behaviors, we have something to investigate within us. Seeing ourselves clearly is the best way to eliminate pain from other people’s actions or inaction’s.
3. Make Time for Self-Care
We must put our personal care first. This is how our focus stays on track and makes it possible to help others effectively without mistreating ourselves. We all have our own journeys. Self-care is taking the reigns on your road. If you are over on someone else’s path, who is focusing on yours? When we take care of ourselves it is easier to see people who truly need our help and people who are avoiding doing their own work. Find what form of self-care you are connected to and do it. Find a way to put it into your daily routine; be creative. Here are a few suggestions:
➢ Reading: Listen or read books that help you in the areas you are struggling.
➢ Writing: Start a journal, write a blog, or just write to write. Develop your craft by taking the time to learn more about what you like to write about.
➢ Weights: Lift if it is what makes you feel better. Everything weighs something, if you don’t have money there is no excuse; lift tinned cans, jugs or a chair.
➢ Cardio: Go outside and explore. Look-up the parks and reserves in your area and get out there. If you prefer using a machine, go do it.
➢ Meditation: You will be amazed if you go on-line. You can find a meditation for anything you are looking to improve. If you struggle with meditation, start simple. Three long deep breaths, even if the only time you can find is in the bathroom. Three long deep breaths throughout the day will make a big difference.
➢ Fishing: If you have access to fishing it is a great tool in getting quite and in touch with the environment around you. Slowing down and getting out of the doing mode has many positive benefits.
➢ Nature: Being able to appreciate nature is a sign of being present in the moment. It shows we are slowed down enough to be right where our feet are. This can help with decision-making and staying clear headed, in addition to the many other benefits. Gardening is another source of self-care.
We make time for what is important to us. Think about how many times you have found time when you think someone else needs you. Wake-up call, you need you! People will never treat you better, if you don’t treat you better. The most important part of self-care is to stop beating yourself up! Doing too much for others, while not taking care of you is self-abuse. Be kind to yourself. If you can’t look in the mirror and see the beautiful person you are, no one else will either. Give yourself a chance. You are worth it!
➢ Posting affirmations on your bathroom or closet mirror is a great way to get the ball rolling. Make sure to switch them up and read them.
➢ Start a journal and list three things you love about yourself every day; it will get easier.
➢ Keep yourself surrounded with way you want to see yourself. There are tons of resources on-line, such as videos, audiobooks, websites, images, and blogs. Look where you are now, you have already taken the first step.
➢ Be creative! Make a collage, find words in magazines that describe the way you want to feel about yourself. You can make box or jar. Every day write a note to yourself of what you did that day to get there.
➢ Talk to yourself in a loving way. Remember you are human just like the rest of us. There is no room for perfect here. We are all just doing the best we can with the tools we have been given. The key is learning from our mistakes, so that we can stop repeating them.
➢ Take your power back! No one can make you feel anything. You can choose to feel different when you are ready to. Try to look at the events around you from different perspectives. This is a practice in questioning our thinking. It helps to open your mind to possibilities and helps to get us out of victim thinking. As this becomes a natural process, you will reach new levels of compassion for yourself and others.
4. Give From a Loving Place
You will be amazed how naturally this step comes once you start doing the previous steps. When you treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated, natural boundaries start to establish themselves through the energy you put out there. If a boundary feels forced it means there is still some inner work to do. Ask yourself:
➢ Am I doing too much?
➢ Is what I am doing feel forced?
➢ Do I have guilt surrounding what I’m doing?
Our thoughts and behaviors aren’t affected by other people’s actions when we our secure in ourselves. Our intentions are clear; we can help, walk away, or state our peace without anger. May someone else’s feelings get hurt? Yes, but that is their business and their journey. Will our feelings get hurt? Yes, and that gives us a great opportunity to see situations from different perspectives. We are not responsible for other people’s feelings. We can simply do our best, be true from a loving place, and give to others with love. If we have the love inside, we can give and receive love clearly and without limitations. We don’t expect things in return. We don’t feel depleted and used. When we give from a loving place our energy doesn’t run out. Your body and mind tell you if you are pushing yourself beyond what is best for you; listen.
5. Acknowledge Your Progress
Nobody is perfect and this process takes time. When you start the self-care journey you will see layers come off. It does not happen all at once. Honestly, we couldn’t handle that. Trust the process and acknowledge what you have achieved so far. A journal can help you document your progress, and it will also help you on your bad days to see how far you have come. There are three forms of progress you will see consistently:
➢ Awareness: Noticing a need for change. Make sure to give yourself credit when you see it.
➢ Acceptance: After we have peeled the layer of awareness back. We understand our part in how people are treating us.
➢ Action: We get to say: I’m ready to do something about it!
Remember to get the support you need during this process. If you are not starting with a healthy support system, look for on-line resources to help guide you to stay strong. Listen to other people’s journeys and get ideas from people who have already succeeded in establishing healthy lifestyles. If the process is too much to do on your own, seek professional assistance. God of your understanding is with you each step of the way. The more you love yourself, the more love, guidance, and support you will feel. Life will provide you with all kinds of lessons to show you how far you have come. Trust the journey!
Rachael Wolff uses her B.A. in Human Development, minor in Anthropology, and lots of life lessons to deliver messages of hope, personal triumph, and empowerment to the world. Most recently Rachael has added blogger to her list of accomplishments. She has also spent time as a pre-school teacher and public speaker. Rachael believes we create our reality through our thoughts and she wants to help people create theirs from a loving place using her journey to inspire transformation.