Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky…
These were the thoughts that had been swirling inside John’s head for the last couple of days as he wandered aimlessly around the city. These are the same thoughts he is thinking at this very moment while leaning over the balustrade of a bridge overlooking the fast lane below. How come that life becomes so hard it is easier to die?
There used to be a time that he could feel. Feel connected to the world, to everything. He could feel the trees breathing, hear the sound of flowers as they open up to the sun, hear the grass growing underneath his bare feet; all of those are nothing but a vague memory now. Lately, he feels like swimming in thick syrup, every movement he makes is labored, but worst of all is seeing this world from behind a thin gauze curtain; nothing is in focus, no color, everything is gray.
He was born catholic and only 21, how come he feels like he already has lived for centuries? That this world has nothing to offer him? For the last two and a half years, he tried so hard to shake the feeling of being there done that twice over and back without success. Now, he wants out. Would they miss him, his family? Probably not. He became invisible to them since he was twelve. He being gone would be nothing but a formality. He climbs over the top of the balustrade, looks up the sky and says:
“I don’t want a place in heaven or hell. Give it to someone who is more deserving. I suffered enough in this lifetime; I don’t want more of that where I’m going. When I’m gone, I just want to simply vanish. No afterlife, no reincarnation, no trace.”
Then, he jumps off.
Reply To Weekly Writing Challenge: Oh, The Irony
12 thoughts on “Flying”
[…] The Hub Challenge #2: Planting A Lyric Seed – Flying […]
[…] Here is my interpretation of the challenge – Flying […]
Wow! That was poignant! Obviously this wasn’t a leap of faith. Good writing! I did notice a few sentence structure errors, but for the most part, very good!
about sentence structure, can u be a little bit specific so i can fix it if necessary.
Sure, let me get back to the piece.
When a piece of writing captures the reader’s attention and draws then in, the writer has succeeded. I felt extremely sad for this young man and wanted to pull him back. You developed story this well.
Here are the structural things that I think you can change:
* “How come that life becomes so hard it is easier to die?” — remove the word “that” because it is unnecessary.
* “nothing is focus, no color, everything is gray.” – change “is” to “in.”
* “He was born catholic and only 21” – change to “He was born a Catholic, and now at only 21,”
Well done! 🙂
Oops, see what I did there!?
I wrote “When a piece of writing captures the reader’s attention and draws then (THEM) in, the writer has succeeded. I felt extremely sad for this young man and wanted to pull him back. You developed (THIS) story (this) well.”
I had to fix the structural problems in my comment!
i noticed it 🙂 but i thought it was there to strengthen the point. i guess we all make mistakes, native speaker or not. i am so glad for feedback, they help me to grow.
Well, you have an amazing voice and I am glad to see you using it! (I make SO many mistakes — little problem with my brain — and I have to read my things MANY times before I hit the publish button! I always do so with trepidation. But the feedback is always supportive and helpful!) Keep writing. You have a story to share. 🙂
i rarely revise before posting. i scroll through what i have written and hit publish. then i will read it again and do some editing. i don’t know, but i see what have to be done better on the publish example than on the draft. if i read my post many times before putting it out there, i get confused.
thanks for all the helpful suggestion and till next time.
LikeLiked by 1 person
thanks so much for the input i will see to it right way. extremely helpful suggestion. i’m glad it is nothing major.
LikeLiked by 1 person