Bottled Up

I was angry with my friend: I told my wrath, my wrath did end. I was angry with my foe: I told it not, my wrath did grow. ~ William Blake


repressed

pent-up

stifled


bitter

begrudging

resentful


envy

jealousy

spite


scheme

action

danger


Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. ― Mark Twain


 

just another day in paradise

Every day it is always the same sad story.

  • No, there is no boogey guy hanging outside your bedroom door waiting for you to fall asleep so he can attack you when you are unaware and most vulnerable.
  • No, there is no Ju-On under your bed, in the closet or behind doors either.
  • No, it’s impossible for a dead body to end up in your tub and miraculously comes to life the moment you sit on the loo to pee.
  • No, ghost of dead mother cannot travel from one continent to the next to visit you and her corpse will not materialize in bed in one of the guest rooms.
  • No, Danny Glick is not hanging outside your bedroom window suspended in the air; he’s safely back in Salem’s Lot.
  • And oh, all those funny noises you are hearing… they are not arach-bots slowly climbing up inside the pipes on their way to your bedroom to smother you while you are sleeping. It’s just the radiators, the boiler, the stairs that are settling in because of the difference in temperature. Houses make noises, it’s perfectly normal.
  • The scratching sounds are birds’ feet in the rain gutter. And the knocking on the roof is another bird trying to crack a nut against the outside wall of the chimney.

It’s true. You have seen it yourself, didn’t you?

  • No, bad guys will not single out your house upon given times to do their unspeakable deeds simply because you live there all alone. They will not break in and override the alarm installation to torture you for fun simply because they can.
  • No, they will not jump over two sets of fences to catch you by surprise while you are gardening and hurt you for no reason at all.
  • There is nobody in the garage either, or in the utility room, or in your dressing. And if the curtains are not drawn and you accidentally put on the lights inside… there is no psycho stalker watching your house monitoring your every move. Your house is supposed to be your haven.
  • You supposed to feel safe in there not outside in the streets or public places like you always wanted to believe. Stop it! Just stop it! For your own good please do. What will happen will happen anyway. No use worrying about it. You believe in destiny, don’t you? You know that life is pre-destined and there is nothing you can do about it. You will arrive at your destiny no matter what. You can detour, you can choose to do it the hard way or the easy way, but arrive there you will. So, why not just put your faith in God and enjoy the ride.

These things I keep telling myself every day. Sometimes it works, oftentimes not…

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Reply To Writing 101: Your Personality On The Page

What if…

At about 3:00 o’clock yesterday morning my alarm went off.

 I was still in NREM phase of sleep being gone to bed around 2:00 just to be jolted awake an hour later by shrieking noise of the device. My first thought was naturally:

“Someone’s inside! I have to call the police.”

Only my cp was downstairs, so was my big knife I always take to bed in case (I used it hacking chicken to fry since my other ones are all blunt) what to do, what to do? I let the alarm goes on till I could not stand the noise anymore. I reckoned the neighbours were experiencing the same predicament and I was expecting a list of complaint to be presented to me the next day but it wasn’t my fault and so be it.

Preparing to be attack when I opened the door, I took the lamp with a heavy ornate base out of the socket and went downstairs… no one there. I quickly snatched my purse and ran up again closed the door and tried to call the police above the piercing sound. Luckily they had no trouble understanding me and arrived within 3 minutes.

 When I saw the blue lights flashing outside the gate, I quickly ran down the stairs and switched the alarm off and let help in… To make the story short, they located the source of trigger all the way to my utility room, someone tried to break in from the side door next to the garage where momentarily I have no sensor light hanging. I have other lights located at three of the side walls of my place; in fact, one is hanging a bit farther down the same wall near to the side gate, but apparently its sensor doesn’t work that far (I know now what to bring on my next trip to DIY shop) the police checked inside and outside, under the beds and behind curtains and pronounced me safe for the night and left… It took me a while (7:00 to be exact) to fall asleep again. I woke up 3 hours later and went to my weekend appointment looking like a zombie/train wreck and feeling dazed.

16:28

Today (as expected) one of my neighbours from across the street spoke to me about what happened the other day why my alarm sounded off. I told her the whole story. Contrary to what I thought she was not angry to me but sympathetic since there was a break in at her place last year, she fully understood what I’m being through she said.

The burglars trashed her place and took some things like credit cards, cash and spare car keys. It happened while they were out to dinner. Since then she became suspicious she said especially when strange cars are park at our street, and I thought I was paranoid and told her that. She told me it wasn’t the material things that was important to her because it can be replace, but what bother her is the infringement of her privacy and the feeling of not being safe in her own home. My thoughts exactly.

She said they have now a dog and ask if I might consider getting one. I said I will think about it. The truth is I am scared of dog and I don’t want them in the house for hygienic purposes and I love my garden more than anything else. I cannot have dogs or any animal digging in my flower beds.

I like the woman (which rarely happens) she seems honest and sincere. I cannot detect any malicious intent emanating from her. She’s I think about my age but more a motherly type. We said goodbye. She invited me to drink coffee at her place whenever I feel like. I said thank you but I hardly doubt if I will really going to take the offer up, I am not a sociable person and people scare me, even someone as nice as her.  I told her she can come to my place instead (that I can do. I am a terrific hostess when I set my mind to it) It felt good talking to her. Maybe there is hope for me yet.

Later on, recalling the event, my paranoia took over me and I thought: what if they have something to do with the failed break in at my place? What if she just talked to me to have a feel how much I know about the burglars and if I recognized anyone?

What if she invented the story about her own place being trashed and all to give me false sympathy and gain my trust? What if she invited me for coffee so I would return the favor so she could be in my home to study the ins and outs of my place? What if… What if… What if…

See, how paranoid I am?

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