A Letter to my Children: You do not come from a Broken Home.

My dear children: I know that the world may try to tell you otherwise, but I want you to know that you haven’t come from a broken home—because there isn’t anything damaged about my love for you.

Perhaps we are nontraditional, and possibly sometimes, it feels as if we are wayward, but there is nothing about our family that is broken.

I never intended to be a single parent. And though I had hopes of the fairytale happily-ever-after, I soon realized that I was just not meant to live in a perfect castle, high on a hill, while those below thought my life was something more “perfect” than it really was.

My dear children: I see now that this was the journey that we were all meant to walk.

I would never have wanted you to grow up thinking that love was a responsibility, instead of a gift. Because while I didn’t get it right the first time—you just might.

Perhaps if I can show you that sometimes love isn’t easy—and that the first step is always to learn who we are and how we love—then maybe you will know more than I did and make choices that are founded in greater awareness and courage.

I didn’t know how little I knew about life and myself when I began my journey of divorce, but time did a beautiful job of teaching me.

I know that sometimes it’s hard just having one parent at home because Momma can only do so much at once. There is only one lap to sit on and one pair of arms to hold you close. There is only one adult to fix things, cook and plan entertaining endeavors. Sometimes I drop the ball because I’ve learned that I just can’t do it all.

It’s just me—and while I know I am enough, just as I am doing the best I can, I know that you still want more.

When you tell me that you want a boy to live with us, as I am driving on the highway, you don’t see the tear slide down my cheek because I honestly want it just as much as you do. I can’t provide that as easily as I can other things—I can’t magically snap my fingers and make it happen.

But I do have faith that when it’s meant to be—and at the right time—I will find us a good man.

For now, all I can do is love you my deepest love, not to make up for the fact that there is only one parent to kiss you and tuck you in at night, but because you are worth this type of love.

To say that you are from a broken home implies that you would have been happier and healthy if I had stayed in a marriage that I’d outgrown.

The reality of two adults who aren’t truly in love with one another is not as good as being single and modeling how to exquisitely love myself.

I know that what I say doesn’t mean a damn thing if I am not willing to do the hard work to back it up with action.

What good would I have been to you if I had preached to you about finding love, loving yourself, following your heart and all of the magic that is worthwhile in this life if I wasn’t willing to follow my own advice?

The truth is, my loves, we need make mistakes to learn lessons.

If I hadn’t followed my heart and decided that I wanted my life to be the greatest example for how to live, then I also wouldn’t be the mother that you truly needed me to be.

How differently would you have grown up if I taught you to ignore your heart?

If I instead taught you the value in keeping your mouth closed just to keep the peace?

You wouldn’t be the type of women who will one day change this world.

My goal from the start has been to raise amazing young women. I never intended to keep watch over you, teaching you your ABCs while you learn how to best blend into society so that one day you might get a mortgage, and an IRA and find yourself settled down but empty.

You’ll grow up to be young women with soul.

Women who have vision and ambition who know they will have to work through blood and sweat to get the life they want and deserve, because nothing is ever given in this life for free.

Women who follow their hearts no matter where it leads and who possess the courage to help others to do the same.

You will be game-changers and status quo destroyers.

I first had to become this type of woman to raise you.

So, no my darlings you are not from a broken home.

You are from a home full of love and soul that will teach you how to navigate life and have one helluva time while doing it.

~Author: Kate Rose

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

Thank you for making last Christmas perfect – but when I asked for a storybook ending, I didn’t quite realize that the magic ends at midnight.

I’m older and colder now, and I’m not quite sure whether or not to believe in you anymore. I believed in happily ever afters and goodbyes that lasted until the next call, but look where we are now. Honestly, all I want for Christmas, is to be okay (am I asking for too much again, like I did when I wished for my parents to kiss like they meant it once more?) I was taught that although miracles happen, it is always wiser to ask for things within reach. I’ll learn to self-soothe, given enough time, I suppose. But this season, I want three simple things :

A blanket fort, to protect me from the monsters in my head
A playlist without memories, so I don’t have to drown my tears in the shower
And my last summer loves to outlast this summer.
You see, I’m still laying the table for two, my answer machine still says we although now there’s only me, and I’ve forgotten what kisses used to taste like before orange and cinnamon became the only flavors I recognize.

I’m not sure how long I can dance alone on Queen while the candle burns lower and lower still. The clock is ticking away and the forty-sixth letter came back unopened, stamped “return to sender” again.
It’s almost midnight, and I want three simple things (but more than anything else, really, I just want to be okay.)

Maybe it’s time to write the forty-seventh letter now.

– Tanvi Deshmukh

My Home Found A New Owner

He was the man I loved for so many years. He held up my universe inside his pocket and picked up the stars so he could light up my night. I wanted to believe that he loved me too. Because he said so, in whispers, in screams, in his sleep, in his songs, in his eyes. For so many years, I let him invade my heart. He let me love him in my own selfish ways. We have so many misunderstandings we took a few days to settle and solve. And we have past mistakes that came up whenever we argue. He barely understood my own language but he studied it so he could see which part of me was vulnerable to hold.

If we are going to talk about endings, then probably that thing has been overused and was scratched too hard I felt numb. We broke up and we got back again. We stopped yet we started again. We paused yet we decided to keep going.

Yet, all endings always had its own severe ending. The one that makes you realize that it won’t come back. The one that makes you ache for silence because you know he won’t reach out. The ending that we all fear.

But I tried to move out and tried new places, without him. Without his shadow. Without his smile and grips and his voice that calms me down. I tried moving out and started collecting scattered dust until I could have my new universe again. I searched for him in someone else’s eyes and voice. I looked for him in someone else’s skin and smell. But I realized he was the only one. He was one of a kind that no matter how many times he hurts me, I could still take it. No matter how many times he forced me to leave, I’d still run as fast as I could in his snap of wave and flash of a smile.

I realized he never holds my universe rather he became my universe. That every time I hear the words love and pain, his face will appear crystallized.

Yet he found his new world.
He found it in you.
Now that you’re with him, you got to understand that he’s unpredictable and changes so often. But as long you could stay, please do.

I might be the girl he had as his dreams form. I might be the girl he got to watch his all-time favorite movies and the first who heard the songs he wrote as he strummed his guitar. I might be his first love as what he called it but you’re with him now.

And you will have him in ways I could never have. I am now a part of the past that will one day be forgotten.

Yet here you are, the one he sees spending the future with and the rest of his life with. The woman he sees growing a family with and pajama cuddles and morning coffees and the hand he’ll hold while traveling the world. The woman he sees sharing the same water bottle and beer-stained kisses, and teases under blankets or the hair he’ll play in his finger and the head that rests upon his chest when you sleep.

And he still has me,
more like a memory,
a past,
a lesson,
a told story,
an ending example.

But he has you,
more like a dream,
a vision of wedding aisle,
a wedding dress,
a mother to his children,
a body he comes home for,
a rocking chair,
a future.

He looks at you
the same way

I see him.

So please,
take care of him.

-Mica Meñez 

 

TO THE GIRL HE WILL LOVE AFTER ME

Let me just first erase the thought in your mind that I am mad on you. No, I am not. In fact, I am glad he ended up being with you. Even though I don’t know you that much, I know you’ve got all the attributes that he likes. That is the very reason why he chose you over me.

You are very lucky for having him. He is a treasure, a rare one. He is sometimes naughty but let him be. He is just about to cuddle you. He is as sweet as candies, he is lovely as the day goes by, he is patient, my dear. He is ready to understand everything you demand… He is an ear to your nonsense dramas. He is a shoulder to cry on in pains. He is somehow quiet, but he’ll be the noisiest man on earth when saying how much he loves you. He is a man of few words, but a man with one word. He knows how to keep his promises… That’s why I am thinking: why he left me? He won’t just be your boyfriend, but your friend, the very best one, your knight in shining armor, your superman, your living diary, your handkerchief. He is a complete package.

But most of all, he will be your man. Strong enough to hold you, dauntless to fight for you, you’ll be his kryptonite.

Take care of him, sweetheart. I may have caused him so much pain, I may have caused him so much ache but I have loved him above all. Don’t worry, I know I am not his happiness now. And if happy is not me, I have to let him go…

Things just didn’t work out on us. I do hope in the two of you will. And it might kill me watching your hearts collide, but I’ll wholeheartedly accept.

Keep him for he is for keeps. Take care of him for he’s too much vulnerable. Be patient with him for he is a child at heart.
Listen to him for all he wants is a good listener for he knows how to do it. And lastly, love him as much as you can. Don’t you ever give up on him. Love him in the most possible way. Love him because that is what he deserves, love him because you love him.

Words by: Hannah Eunice Villamin

#FallInArts

To The Guy Who Thought That I wasn’t Good Enough…

Thank you you for making me feel that I wasn’t someone worth fighting for. Thank you for making me question and doubt every little thing about myself. Thank you for making me second guess my actions. Thank you for making me feel unimportant and a nuisance in your life.

Thank you for letting me down countless times. Thank you for keeping secrets that everyone knew but me. Thank you for constantly lying about who you really are. Thank you for making a big fool out of me.

Thank you for bringing out my worst side.

Thank you for showing me that you can change for the better for someone else but you can’t for me.

Thank you for leaving even if I give you everything I had. Thank you for letting go and reminding me that I was the only one holding on.

Thank you for all the times you made me feel bad. Thank you for making me regret all the years I spent loving you.

Because if you hadn’t done all these things, I wouldn’t realize my worth. I wouldn’t realize that I should finally stop settling for any less than I deserve. I wouldn’t realize that I want to find a love that would never make me feel the same things you did.

And I know I will, eventually. I will find someone who appreciates everything I do. I will find someone who will never take me for granted. I will find someone who will treat me the way I should be treated.

I will find someone who will do everything you wouldn’t.

For now, knowing that is enough. I am enough. I know I am, even if you didn’t.

Words by: Micaela Andres

Dear Self

Write a letter to your 14-year-old self. Tomorrow, write a letter to yourself in 20 years.

Dear Fourteen year old me,

Three years from now, someone will force you to marry somebody you don’t even like let alone love. Don’t listen. Don’t obey. Even it means being disowned. Runaway, follow your dreams, walk your own path and don’t look back. It’s not worth it.

P.S.

I don’t want to wait another day to write to a twenty-year-old you so I’m including the message here. Divorce that jerk or otherwise you’re in for a long nightmare. Forget your family because they will not value your hard work and will never appreciate all the sacrifices you made for them. You’re nothing but a meal ticket to these people. They don’t care. All they want from you is money. Nothing else. Think about your own future because one day you will get awfully sick and you will find yourself alone. You need to take care of yourself. Starting now. Nobody will do it for you. It will not be easy. Especially for someone like you but you will make it. Have faith in yourself and be strong.

Always.

Green-Eyed Monster

We have been ask to write an anonymous letter to someone we’re jealous of. Here’s mine.

Dear Youth,

Look at you, acting as if there is no tomorrow, as if you own the world. With your  perfect appearance, freshness, vigor, spirit, etc., you think you’re immortal and can handle it all. Well, I have some news for you; you’re not going to live forever.

But before you reach where I am now, you will lost first everything you value at this moment. You think it’s okay to be rude to old people? Wait till you are in that phase of life you will see… those toned abs and legs you are very proud of, the unlined face and perky breast and shining eyes… it will not stay with you indefinitely.

So, don’t be so smug if you see us trying to get up our seat moaning and grumbling, or trying to walk erect and dignified. Don’t laugh at us “has been”  for you will get there eventually and let’s see if you like being laugh at.

You think you know it all, that we are suffering from early onset of Alzheimer if we try to say something to make you understand. You have no patience, no respect, no compassion. We are your future. When you look at us you are looking at your destiny. Doesn’t matter how beautiful, rich and powerful you are at this moment; you will be like us, there is no escaping that. Bear that in mind next time we see each other again.

Sincerely,

A shadow of your former self

Dearest

Dearest,

I do not know what to say….lately it seems we do not have much time for each other. I believe it is my fault as much as yours or perhaps circumstances have also a hand in the matter. What I’m trying to say is that I miss you greatly. I want to feel connected to you. I hate to think that our relationship might already be showing flaws here and there at this early stage. If that is the case, how would it be after a couple of years? I don’t dare to imagine!

You could perhaps understand my concern regarding this matter if, like me, you also allowed yourself to dwell on the future from time to time. Perhaps it is my restless nature that always brings me to this idea. Indeed you are probably right when you mentioned about my familiarity with a certain situation which makes me worrisome. Dare I say I’m scared? I’ve been told before that if certain things keep happening for so long, you kind of expect it.

Why must I feel afraid always? Why I cannot be just like the most of us? Must I always believe that I am not worthy of any love, or kindness? Not even compassion? How I long to be ordinary for those are the happiest of beings.

Was I born in a certain era, I am truly convinced that they would burn me at the stake by just being different. Truly as you have witnessed dozens of times already that indeed I have this gift (or curse) of foretelling and I do possess uncommon behaviour, which only once witnessed in asylums. As if that is not enough, it seems that I was born in the wrong family as well. But that notion I don’t wish to further entertain and if I could I want to forget about it altogether. Ah, the kind of thoughts I’m having in my head sometimes!

Dearest, I don’t know if I will ever feel worthy of you for you are such a fine example of a perfect gentleman. Though you have your shortcomings and weaknesses like any man and from time to time you inclined to test my patience but it does not make you none the less capable and attractive in my eyes.

I for one will always think of you as sweet and forever hold you in highest regards against your contemporaries whom I cannot find a single decent word in my limited vocabulary to describe their general conduct, so I am confined to be silent about it.

I would like very much to believe that I am indeed lucky that you bestowed upon me your undivided attention and lavish me with all the comforts you can afford. How I wish I could be certain about your devotion as well. Though you never give me reasons to think otherwise and yet still I get this ungrounded feeling from time to time that you might…perhaps…oh, it is my doubtful nature again which always make me ill to the core of my bones.

Even though it is surely nothing but just some fragments of my imagination, to me it is real enough to keep me from being merry and robbing me of my night rest. For I am truly certain that one of these glorious days, you will wake up and find me a tiresome nobody not worth a backward glance, and you will discover the truth I keep telling you that I am truly not wonderful nor special and there are some fine young lasses out there who are more suited to you and your needs.

Am I out of my mind? Perhaps! Am I fortunate? No doubt! For I am aware that so many maidens will give their treasured belongings and indeed their virtues just to imagine themselves in my position. And that Sir, I am certain!

So, do forgive me from time to time if I am being silly and not agreeable to it is only my nerves which I am sure would settle the moment I carry your name.

 

Will remain your affectionate,

Wife-to-be

To Whom It May Concern

I opened a book I recently purchased from a charity shop.  A piece of paper fluttered to the floor. I picked it up and started reading. It says:

I’ll be back. I don’t know how long it will take but I will. And if our love is strong enough, I will find you there waiting for me. 

I closed the book. I don’t know what to think.

the note

“Bedroom isn’t the right place to explore with him, unless… you’re very, very desperate… I’m leaving today. I can’t take it anymore. Sorry mother.”

I folded the small paper that was stuck under my shoe. Found it accidentally when I crossed my legs to lessen the cramp I was feeling sitting on a train for quite some time.  How long it had been there? Where I had steeped on it? I looked around; everyone was busy with their business. Nobody noticed. I gazed outside the window.

The train stopped. I reached my destination. I left the note folded on the table.

I could have written it. I muttered to myself.

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