Listening To My Body

I have yet to learn.

I must have told you already in one of my so many blog posts that I feel guilty when I am not doing something. A day without anything tangible created is a day wasted. That’s my motto. I didn’t know when did the habit begun and where I’ve learned it. As long as I can remember, it is part of my life. Nobody taught me to feel guilty. If someone did I don’t remember.

The result is: I never rest unless I fall down dead. So to speak. As long as I can put one foot in front of the other, I’m up and running.

Some people run on reserve. I run on empty.

I go on and on till I collapsed out of sheer exhaustion. Sick for me means I passed out or delirious and can’t get out of bed. 40°C fever means I am still gallivanting out there and throwing up is part of life. I will lie in bed yes if I’m so dizzy I see stars or can’t open my eyes because of blinding headache. But the moment I can stand, I’m in the garage, on the floor repotting plants that don’t need repotting especially in the middle of the winter when they lay dormant and agitating them means risking their fragile life but still doing it all the while saying to myself: they don’t need moving, they don’t need water, wait till spring when they have the best chance to grow and flourish.

I’m crazy I know.

Look at me.

I still have a fever and didn’t sleep. I was up the whole night with my head in the loo yet I am here sitting in front of the computer typing nonsensical arguments with myself.

Why I do it?

I don’t know.

Bad habits.

Habits I really (really) have to unlearn.

I have to start listening to my body. (My mother-in-law said)

I’m not getting any younger. I have to accept that the way of life I gotten used to doesn’t fit/applies anymore to my present self. I have (there are so many I and have in this post) to take my foot off the gas pedal and stop before I crash. (As if I’m not crashing daily lately) There is no shame in being lazy every once in a while. Stop, smell the flowers (not roses, I hate roses especially red, they are so common) learn to sit and enjoy the moment instead of running a race. Chew your food, savor the drink, close your eyes and take pleasure from doing nothing.

Listen to your body and relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Yeah.

Shit.

How to do it?

Can someone, anyone tell me?

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8 thoughts on “Listening To My Body”

  1. When I get too tired to think straight, that’s one time when I like to do what other people suggest, especially if it is a sensible person. When I say ‘like’, that’s the wrong word, but I have learned it is probably best.

    And you’re right, there is no shame in being active just by thinking or reading. My sister likes yoga – that seems to be active and passive at the same time and there is often a hint of that in the pictures you share. My words do sound useless as I write them, and I am sorry for that, but I just wanted to know that I care. I hope you’ll find something that helps.

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    1. Yoga makes me more nervous. It has the same effect on me as those relaxing spa zen ambient music- it drives me crazy. The only thing that can calm me a bit is gardening or thinking about plants. I need to be busy to calm down. It reminds me of what my son told me: That he walks dogs so he doesn’t have to think much. Funny coming from a professor of dead languages who is also a writer, a poet, a coach and a councilor among so many other things. Thanks for caring Susan. It means a lot.

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      1. Perhaps he might lend you a dog for a while! Loving plants, and being an instinctive person, aromatherapy might be something to explore – a bath with a few drops of neroli oil, or you could try a diffuser if you don’t like baths. The oils do have powers, I am sure of that, although they are not miracle cures. You have to learn about what each one does, then follow your instincts. My favourite book on it is ‘Aromatherapy An A-Z’. I tried herbalism too, but couldn’t get to grips with that at all.

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      2. I grew up with herbal medicines since we could not afford doctors. I swear by them. I like aroma therapy, especially in Finn sauna. I have humidifier at home and I add some oil in the water sometimes. As for dogs… I’m terrified of them. They have big teeth! I got bitten once when I was young and my mother died because of fear of dogs. While walking she encountered a big German shepherd and it licked my mother’s hand. She had a heart attack on the spot and died in the hospital couple of days later.

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  2. Taoism. Buddhism. Not as a religion, but as a philosophy, an approach to life. Stephen Batchelor books on Buddhism. Shinzen Young’s Brightmind app for meditation.

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