Suddenly

One morning, in 1817, Beethoven
realized that he’s now deaf. I can see him
sitting, almost crying, as he tries to
hear the sound of his piano keys.
When you ask me why don’t I trust people
more often, I tell you a story
about this man who killed his wife,
and then jumped from the Golden
bridge with his newborn child.
If human relations were a subject,
then I am the student who secretly
cries in the bathroom because he can’t
understand what the fuck is happening.
You think you know anxiety? Imagine
thousands of pebbles in your feet. Imagine
drinking a salty lake. Imagine starting
a forest fire that destroys the whole goddamn
town. I say I can’t handle love. It feels alien.
It feels like sleeping in a bed that’s not mine.
And you say, look at Beethoven — he composed
magical tunes even after turning deaf. What makes
you think you can’t overcome whatever the
hell this is? And I say you won’t get it,
because to you, believing comes easy.
Did you know Beethoven loved a woman,
but couldn’t marry her because she was rich?
So, he composed Moonlight Sonata wishing
someday she’ll give it a listen.
And I keep wasting ink writing
letters that you’ll never read.
I think Beethoven knew what I mean.

~ The Honest Musing 

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