When I started this blog I thought I will never run out of something to say. Not believing in writer’s block every time I read someone is struggling to come up with ideas to post I thought: How could that be? Just put your thoughts (any thoughts) on paper and that’s it, easy peasy lemon squeezy. How naive I must have been. I have a lot to say still. The well hasn’t run out dry just yet but I run out of time to say them. No, that isn’t right. I seem cannot find the time to put my thoughts on paper. These days I am face to face with another thing I thought I will never encounter: A life that is getting in the way of my writing.
In the beginning (of my blogging escapades) I never thought it is possible. If you could spare a couple of minutes, you can post your ideas online. It had worked for me till… now. Before I had no trouble writing, following courses after courses here, posting my entries at two in the morning while juggling with work, social and family life plus hobbies and vacations. Even with my condition, I could still manage to do a decent job of blogging, posting once a day, no problem; until early this year. (I am still posting once a day, there is no change there. But I am posting other people’s article. They are good. Better than mine in fact or otherwise I will not put them in my space. They are articles that either means something to me personally or have moved me in some ways. But they are not mine and that’s the problem. I want to write again. Writing is my life. I am lost without it.)
Suddenly life gets in the way. Things I could do with ease before like gardening for five hours after work till the sun goes down, staying late, watching TV while putting thoughts on paper and cooking dinner at the same time, writing while ironing… that is all things of the past now. One chore and I end up exhausted. I still have trouble sleeping. In fact, I don’t have a decent sleep yet since January, but while before my sleepless nights had proven to be my most creative and productive hours, now they are what they actually are- just sleepless nights; spent watching TV, fidgeting, suffering from lack of concentration and wrestling with pain. Before I could function with no or just a couple of hours sleep, now I can’t simply function. Those sleepless nights see to it that I am bone tired from doing nothing all the time, I can’t focus and the pain makes me so grumpy and desperate. I am beginning to seriously dislike myself.
In four days time, I will leave for my annual three weeks holiday in the sun and hopefully when I come back I am my normal self again- crazy, weird, out there but a writer. A writer with no problem writing and putting thoughts on paper. Just like before. Till then, please bear with me. Don’t go away. We can weather this together. I am grateful for your support.