Obsessed

I’m obsessed with safety. Here is one hilarious example of how bad my obsession is. My thoughts are full of impending disasters and doomed scenarios. A fantasy can easily escalate into a full blown nightmare because I always ask myself what if this and that will happen. Even in my dream I can somehow shift scenes and situations to suit my desire for safety. I’m sure my irrational fears   have something to with it. They are the reasons why I installed five points locks on every door and have three sets of gates but still… some days I can’t be in the garden without thinking what if… 

At least, since we came home from Menorca, I don’t barricade myself anymore with pillows. The big knife I always sleep with under my pillow is now on the floor next to the bed. I call it an improvement. But I still lock inside doors. Don’t want to leave anything to chances. You never know… It used to be this bad. Especially during winter months when the days are dark cold and dreary. I guess we have to wait till it is that far again to know if I am really progressing.

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5 thoughts on “Obsessed”

  1. I used to be scared to ride roller coasters. But, then; I thought, “realistically, worst case, I will just die.” Somehow, that made me not afraid of them anymore. Now, I’ve learned about people getting their legs sliced off by cords snapping, but I haven’t really been consumed by that fear yet. Anyway, it was like this fear lived in the grey, and I eliminated it by boiling things down to black and white

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    1. Somehow, more realistic fear I don’t have a problem with. I jump from the top of a bridge or waterfalls knowing there are big boulders underneath and I could break my legs or neck and die. But things like that don’t bother me.

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