Surface

Don’t judge the book by it’s cover they say. It’s only the packaging not the contents. You cannot judge how deep is the water by looking at the surface alone. Like a pretty face doesn’t always mean good character and pure heart. There is a passage from a poem we had to memorize when I was young. It goes like this: a mere cheap cut glass on top of a ring if wear by anyone with money and prestige people would automatically assume that it is a priceless gem. Same with a poor crazy guy is just crazy. A rich crazy guy is called eccentric. If a rich person eat too much people praise him for having a healthy appetite and the food must be excellent or otherwise he will never bother. If a poor person will do the same, he will be a subject of criticisms. Then he’s a glutton, must be starving, never seen that amount of food in his life, a social pariah, etc. etc.

For all the quotes and reminders around (most of them we know by heart) not to judge anyone by the looks alone, we still do that. How many times I was snubbed  by shops clerks and certain people from certain establishments because they thought I can’t afford or have no right to be there. My own daughter told me I don’t look like a mother. I don’t even have a ‘mama’ hair. How’s that? People in my country for the longest time thought I was not married and have no children. When asked, they told me that I didn’t look like a married woman and didn’t act like one. How people know how a married woman or any type of woman should look or act? Strange…

Surface alone will not tell the story. I’ve seen hundreds of houses, renovated a few, and sold a couple. I’m telling you, when it comes to properties, not everything is what it seems applies too. In my experience, the bigger the place the little the kitchen or bathroom, the unpractical the lay out and in most cases, the dirtiest. I encountered situations that straight from nightmares or comedy films. From shining (slippery) floors you can see (and kill) yourself  that has nothing to do with the overall design of the house but too expensive to replace and once you begin… you might as well build an entire house yourself to gorgeous period houses which when you opened the door it will give you the feeling of being transported in another place and another era because the owner decided to ripped the heart and soul of the place and replaced them with his ‘acquired taste’ there is nothing left but the shell. I asked myself over and over again: why buy a period property when you want a modern one? Why destroy a piece of history if you can build the futuristic building that you like? I will never understand.

And I don’t even want to go to the topic of love and relationships with their complex dynamic and pitfalls. Nothing in this world is as opaque and as confusing than a relationship. You can stare at the surface as much as you want but nobody can guess what’s really going on beneath. What makes a relationship works or fall apart, there are no written rules that apply to all. You have to break the surface by jumping straight in there, learn to swim if you don’t know how because no one will teach you (the first crucial mistake a partner could make in a relationship is seeing the other as a lifebuoy) try to stay afloat, keep your strength and recognize the signs that tell you it is time to head for the shore if you don’t want to drown.

Those who said they don’t fall for pretty faces are lying. Love is first and foremost visual. If a beautiful woman (or man) passes by and attract your attention, would you say s/he did so because she or he have a good heart and can cook good and will be a wonderful mother/father? I don’t think so. There is no love at first sight. Attraction at first sight, love may or may not come later if both of you feel of hear the click but love because you like the look of the surface, no sir. In my book, not believable.

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8 thoughts on “Surface”

  1. Beautiful post. I grew up in California, and when I moved to the Midwest, people were shocked that I’d lived there because I “didn’t look like a California girl.” To this day when I say I grew up there, people question “how long?” (the answer is: 19 years) because I don’t fit a stereotype. That’s a small example, nothing that disrupts my life, and I know there are dangerous assumptions as well. Thank you for your thoughts.

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    1. I appreciate you sharing your story. Gives another perspective to the issue. I’ve been told I don’t look like a nurse but people have no problem accepting I’m a designer. I guess it’s all in the mind and whoever is looking. We can do without prejudices but so is life.

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      1. It’s when we acknowledge our prejudices that we can move forward. I have friends who swear they have no prejudice, then say horrible things. They’ll never change. I hope I never become blind to my own prejudices.

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      2. We all have opinions about everything. We have them 3 seconds upon meeting somebody. There is nothing wrong with it. But if our opinions and prejudices start interfering with how the way we react and treat other people… then it’s not right. I’m glad you are aware of your own thoughts regarding this matter. It’s the right attitude.

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