When you’re unwell, do you allow others to take care of you, or do you prefer to soldier on alone? What does it take for you to ask for help?
I prefer to take care of myself. I will never dare to saddle anyone with my own problems.
This principle sprang out from necessity and originated in my childhood where none of us siblings were allowed to voice out or cause any problems. They caused and still are causing problems. They grew up to be dependent and bothersome individuals and I have chosen the opposite track; relying on and trusting no one but myself.
I learned at an early age that it’s better not to ask anyone for help. Help is never for free. There is always something attached to it and you always have to return the favor. I never want to be indebted to anyone financially, morally, socially or emotionally. The latter is much harder to pay. It can hold you on a leash indefinitely. Asking anyone for help is giving them the right/reasons/chances to criticize your actions and way of life and handing them ammunition for future battles. Better to tackle your problems alone so whatever might happen, there is no one to blame but you. That way, you can never be disappointed or disillusioned if others don’t provide the best kind of help__ no strings attached.
I want to be always free, and freedom is not being beholden to anyone for anything, point.
MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO 
I’m very much like this as well. Totally relate.
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I’m glad you know what I’m talking about.
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I prefer to be as independent as possible, but there are times when help is needed, and I accept it graciously.
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Excellent attitude. No man is an island they say. Like you, I would only accept help if there is no other way anymore and if I know that there is no hidden snag somewhere.
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I guess it depends on what’s wrong and if I need help. But assuming there will be a snag or strings is a very pessimistic view. The way I see it, if someone is willing to be there for me when I really need them, then I will graciously be there for them if they need me. It’s not “strings”, it’s basic reciprocity; friendship.
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I’m a pessimist by experience and my view is based on actual facts. Friendships for me doesn’t involved strings. If you help someone expecting something in return is not called friendships, it’s business.
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I didn’t mean that they expect something in return. That is not friendship, you are correct. I mean simply that by asking for help, it is not a failure on your part, nor should you see it that way. And by getting help from someone, it is not a bad thing if down the line they need something from you. That’s friendship. Ex: if you go through a bad break up and that person is there for you, there is no expectation of repayment, but it’s the right thing to do to be there for them when they lose their job. That’s friendship. But once theirs an expectation of repayment, and one is waiting to call in the favor, you are correct: that’s business. Does that make sense?
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As long as I can manage, I will not ask for help. I don’t what the entail might be. If I would ask for help that would be practical things like my boiler breaks down or something. Emotionally, I don’t need someone.
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That’s how I felt for a long time; until I found some good people who support without expecting anything. I hope you find someone like that in your life.
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I’m happy for you. I stop hoping a long time ago but it would be nice if indeed I will come across some people. Thanks!
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That’s the cool thing: I stopped hoping too. I stopped hoping or caring if I ever found it. And when I did, I didn’t believe it. I doubt it and denied it, even in the face of a ton of evidence to the contrary. Then, I just stuck my toe in to test it, certain id get it bitten off. I’m happy to report my toe is still in tact, and despite all of my doubts, I have a number of great people who are willing to give wanting nothing in return and its up to me to return the favor if and when I decide – sometimes just because they refuse to ask and I can help anyway. I think it can happen to you, as long as you don’t close that part of you off. Keep yourself doubtful if you want to, but if it shows up, be accepting enough to just dip your toe in once you’ve established that it’s worth trying. Don’t avoid that step forever just because it hasn’t worked out in the past. After all, those who are worth it actually (and inexplicably) want to know that part of you too. They want to know all of you. So hang in there, and I wish you a future filled with enough quiet and undemanding support that you can stand tall and strong against everything.
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While I rarely accept help, I am generous to a fault and often go out my way to help others expecting nothing in return. But I don’t do it just like that. Only to those who really need it and necessary. I often buy clothes and footwear for street children whenever I’m in vacation and take them trips to malls and resorts and movies to let them experience what other children are taking for granted. Or help a family set up a small business so they can provide for themselves. Things like that.
I must admit there are people I’ve met that restore my faith in humanity and I’m desperately holding onto that.
I will take your advice in consideration and thank you very much for your kind and wise words.
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You are welcome. I don’t like knowing someone out there can hurt as much as I did. And just know, the good that you are doing is exactly what I’m talking about. You are kind, gracious, and generous expecting nothing; someday you will find someone like yourself who can be the same. All hope is not lost because YOU are the person you’re talking about. And if there’s one, there’s always at least one more. And any time you need to talk/vent, you can always message me. I’m usually a good ear 🙂
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I appreciate the gesture. I’ll keep it in mind. Merry Christmas to you and advance Happy New Year.
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Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you too!
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