Dear God

All my life I’ve been faithful to you. With everything that happened I never lost faith in you, not even once. I never questioned your ways and motives, I never blame you for anything, I trusted you completely.

But last year everything changed. I finally lost my belief in you. 

I will not tire you with the boring details because if you really exist and like they say omnipresent, then you know why. Since that fateful day I begun to questions what I’m seeing. I am no longer a starry-eyed chick, naive and blind to your mysterious ways because frankly I don’t see anything mysterious about kids being kidnapped, abused in all possible ways, held prisoners in a cellar and starved to death.

Everything happens for a reason? Well, I want to know what is the reason why those innocent people have to die in that manner; decapitated, set on fire, or pushed from a building. How about those senseless violence against humanity everywhere? Do you ever watch the news?  

Last year a psycho opened fire on a city square where I live. You know what happened next. Yesterday a driver ran over a kid on the street, dragged her all the way till there is nothing left then committed hit and run. Hows’ that? I don’t understand.

That you totally fucked up my life, I can understand and even forgive. Nobody can choose the family they will be born into, that I can accept. But everything that happened afterwards and still happening… sorry but it is simply beyond me.  I don’t know what you’re thinking… Why bad things happen to unsuspecting good people and those who are outright evil lead prosperous lives and continue thriving. 

Oh, I know… people do these unspeakable things to each other not you. But if you are truly merciful and loving God, why on earth you let it happen? In my country people say they are God fearing. I didn’t get it. Why should someone fear God? Now I finally understand….  

~ Disillusioned Former Disciple  

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52 thoughts on “Dear God”

  1. Spittin it out because I know I am not alone in thinking this… We are quickly approaching End Times. And that is why. The battle to end all battles is approaching. Everyone feels it though not everyone believes it. Look around. The world has never been as it is today. It is now, more then ever time to keep your eyes open and hold your faith.

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    1. My mother called it four horses of the Apocalypse. Funny considering the real meaning of apocalypse in Greek.
      The battle to end all battles is approaching reminds me of LOTR

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  2. What do you think God would say back?
    Earlier today, for some reason, the thought came to me that Christ wept when Lazarus was dead.
    Not right when he died, but when the women were crying and begging Jesus to resurrect him. It occurred to me in a big way, that He wasn’t just crying for Lazarus death , but for all death, loss, sin that we will suffer through.. It came and went as quickly as I could put my finger on the thought. I was cooking dinner and listening to jazz ( good jazz;) when that thought came to me. Trust me, I battle these same thoughts. It’s a hard place to be. That’s why I wanted to share.

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  3. I don’t know your backstory, but I do know that without my faith and belief in God I wouldn’t have survived my abuser and other bad things that happened to me and I’m now past 60. But one thing I figured out long ago is that God’s biggest mistake when He created mankind was giving us free will, even though lots of good happens because of that very thing. It’s not God’s fault that there is so much evil and greed in this world, it’s mankind’s. Okay, so maybe Lucifer is whispering in their ears, but we make our own choices, good or bad.

    When people talk about fearing God, they are talking about the God of the Old Testament that didn’t hesitate to show his wrath, not the loving, patient Son of God in the New Testament.

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    1. Like I said already in this post, people do evil things to each other but why God let it happen?
      I appreciate your input and sharing your story. I’m glad it turned out okay for you. Thanks for visiting and leaving comments.

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      1. I, personally, have not believed in a very long time. I believe there is something, I just don’t believe what the Organized Religions are selling.

        However, having grown up in a religious family, I can state that G-d lets it happen because of free-will. He cannot stop you from walking down the dark alley any more than he can stop the gun-toting mugger. It’s your right to chose, just as it’s the villain’s right to chose. He cannot step in because of Free Will, just as Satan cannot corrupt unles you chose to allow him to. In common idiom, you must chose to sell your soul to the Devil, he cannot just take it.

        Also, what would your solution be? Another Sodom and Gemorah?

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      2. Those children chose to be abducted? The two year old James Bulger (if you don’t know google it) had chosen his fate on that fatal day in the mall? Please.
        Sodom and Gomorrah? Why not?

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      3. No, those children did not chose their fate, someone else did. But the person who did those things theoretically would be punished here on Earth and in the afterlife for their choices.

        Why not? If a random stranger came knocking on your door in the middle of the night, would you let them sleep over? Probably not. So you’d burn too.

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      4. Yes, this is true. But the only reason they were permitted to leave and survive Sodom and Gomorrah is because they admitted 2 strangers into their home and welcomed them as guests with protection. So if we go back to that, you’d be destroyed too; as would we all.

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      5. So, you’re willing to throw the baby out with the bath water? There are terrifying people out there, bad people…. but what about the good people? You’re basically stating that you believe that due to the few bad guys, you’d be willing to sacrifice the rest of us. I’m sorry, but I got plans for the rest of my life, plans that don’t hurt anyone. I’d rather be able to continue that life, help others where I can, and not be drowned in a flood, or burned alive.

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      6. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I have mine, you have yours. The chance of the whole world being drowned in a flood or consumed by fire because of wrath of God is next to nothing so rest assured.
        But people (including good ones) drowned in a flood, or being burned alive and more, is already happening. You’re blind if you don’t see that.

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      7. I do see that. I’m not blind. I do live on Earth.

        However, originally we were discussing G-d’s wrath and why He doesn’t interfere with the mortal realm. As I already stated, I do not believe in how the major religions describe Him; I am just reiterating what I was taught as a child. Throughout history, there have been circumstances where innocent people suffered at the hands of those who chose the”bad” path; it is not something unique to today. Wars on religions, wars against entire groups/races of people, individual violence; none of it is brand new to 2015. Where was G-d during the Crusades, during the Holocaust, during slavery, during the Lynchings? It has never been G-d’s job to fix the problems of the mortal realm, it has been His words and messages that He hoped would help us to bring Peace on Earth. Blaming G-d for all of the ills of the world is not fair; we al have blame in it. Inaction on our behalf is the cause…if you believe He gave us the world to live in, then you must also recognize that it’s up to us to clean our own house and not expect Him to make everything right again.

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      8. And I’m talking about how I’ve been raised to believe God as all mighty, all seeing omnipresent powerful creature whom we pray to in time of dire needs ask help and fear, who can destroy Sodom and Gomorrah at will, bring dead to life, parted sea, raised from the dead, created us, created this world and the universe and everything around us. If he is that powerful to perform such miracles for sure he can intervene once in a while if necessary. If he’s there to just watch us destroy each other, is he a good father then? A good parent intervene if necessary, when it’s needed to save his children or prevent and protect them from harm and punish them if they are guilty and bad.
        That’s the God I lost my belief in. I lost my faith in his existence. It’s a personal thing.
        I know history. I know what happened. Where he was indeed during those times but still I believed in him. Not anymore.

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      9. I am certainly not one to try to bring religion back into your life, as I myself do not believe in what I was taught. But as my mother always said, He is a good father — He raised us for 4,000 years; now it’s our turn. And prayer is not for G-d to fix your problems, but to give you the strength and insight to fix them yourself. You can’t expect one government to fix all of their citizen’s problems…how can you expect G-d to fix a World of problems?

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      10. Yes. That’s why I avoid taking about it as a whole. Religion and politics are two topics that I never talk about in real life because there is no right or wrong party just different view points and approaches.

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      11. Very true, although I never shy away from these topics. It’s a character flaw 🙂
        However, I would like to say this: I was not arguing that your belief or lack thereof was wrong. I don’t believe one way of thought is better than ny other. It just felt to me like you lost something, and I wantedto at least try to help you either come to terms with your new belief and not hurt, or realize your religious side again. Just so you could see the other side of the coin. If I offended, I am truly sorry. Also, you can’t, according to my mother, believe in the “end times” from Revelation, if you’re willing to discard the rest of the book that comes with it. You believe, or you don’t. That’s her opinion anyway. I know this opinion, because when I broke away from the religion I was raised in, I still believed in Revelations — a book of the Bible I was never taught. She said you have to believe in G-d, and that Jesus was real to believe in Revlations. I understand her thinking, I just don’t actually share it. I just hope that you keep enough faith to keep you happy enough to remain unjaded.

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      12. If I’m being honest I have to admit that though I “renounced ” my religious belief I still catch myself praying sometimes or making the sign of the cross when passing a church or see a ongoing funeral rites. One cannot just unlearned years of habit.
        I appreciate your concern.

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      13. I’ll admit to the same. I still kiss the binding of a book with G-d’s name in it, I still can’t type G-d with an ‘O’ or else I’d feel the urge to start burying such items, and a few other things. I stopped ‘believing’ a lot longer ago than you as well (almost 12-15 years ago. I still can’t shake it. It’s with you forever. And if you’re lucky, just going into a Holy Place can calm you, and help center you, even if you don’t believe anymore. Just never try to lose that, it makes the world a little better.

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  4. Your letter asks the question err all want answered. Even folks in biblical times asked it. The answer I’ve come to accept is free will. That’s how I answer it my fantasy stories for my characters who ask that question too. People choose evil, carelessness, cruelty because they can. Because gave us freewill he can’t intervene. That’s the conscience’s job, the job of anyone present when the act occurred, the job of the store selling firearms and anything else that makes violence possible. 😦

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      1. There’s always a way. People just have to choose to go back. So long as we have choice, we can always choose to do better. They day we have no choice is the day we have no way back.

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      2. Well said though easier said than done. people panic nowadays if they forget their cp or tablet. But I’m with you in this one. I would like to go back too. that’s why we still keep a house in the country.

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  5. I think like you. I had a religious upbringing but just couldn’t bring my head around all the illogical things that religion is so full of, and this question of evil is the biggest one. And not just bad things happening, but crazy horrible vicious things that are completely senseless and lead to no good. Great post, thank you for writing it.

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    1. My country is the only catholic country in Asia. We have been a colony of Spain for over 300 years. They are the one who brought us religion. So, you can imagine how religious I’ve been brought up. We prayed rosary each evening and my mother tied me once around a foot of a table whole night without food simply because I could not recite Our father in English.

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  6. You left me hanging! As a reader I would like to know what conclusion you finally arrived at. The way you ended the letter would force me to return to see if at a later date you will share that informstion.

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    1. It’s not a bad thing. It’s a win-win situation. Seriously, it’s still an ongoing process. I might share bits and pieces of how it developed when I feel it is the right time.

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  7. “When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, “Why god? Why me?” and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off.”
    ~ Stephen King

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  8. This is tough writing and impressive. Your words are strong and open, and that’s something to achieve. Not believing in God is expressed with reason. When directly faced with evil, it’s sensible to question the presence of God. I don’t know if the other extreme happens, too–that too much good brings on disbelief. With evil, we see nothing to believe in. With good, we might see no need to believe. But that’s an exercise. You write about your children, which is a comfort, belief in God notwithstanding. And the murderous acts that have happened so close to you. How terrible, wrong, and life-shattering. And where was God? There are answers, though they would have to make sense (enough sense) in heart and mind. All I can say is you’re making great sense here. Thank you.

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    1. Everything is falling apart around me at this moment. I know that in a time like this we have to hold onto our faith and keep believing. Easier said than done is not even good enough words to describe how I feel and what the situation is. I’ve been fighting for survival acceptance, love, peace and happiness all my life. I’m tired of fighting. I have no strength anymore!

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