The Future

“I don’t want to write depressing posts, but in order to do that I have to either lie or write fictions.”

~ ImpossibleBebong

As we wind down the course, let’s look forward to what’s next. You asked:

  • Next month, I plan to . . .

… finally bite the bullet and honor my appointments with neurologist, dermatologist some specialist otolaryngologists and orthodontist. The last time I have spoken with these people was when they hinted that I need to have few surgeries correcting my badly healed broken nose (which I didn’t know I have) resetting my jaw (apparently I have some problem there due to my cervical hernia – a cervical herniated disc is diagnosed when the inner core of a disc in the neck herniates, or leaks out of the disc, and presses on an adjacent nerve root) my hips also need some attention and couple of my ribs. I have nasty skin tags that need to be removed courtesy of hormonal imbalance and according to them I am due for another colonic irrigation. In other word nasty hydrotherapy.

  • What does the remainder of 2015 hold for you?

I don’t know. Do you know? I mean what the future holds for you? I remember when I was studying for a job in the medical field or health sector or healthcare industry if you prefer, during one of those one-on-one talks with my mentor I mistakenly said something about not liking the course at all because it is very far from my interest and she asked me why I was doing it then and I told her about me wanting a sense/sort of security for the future because with a diploma in this field guarantee I can work anywhere and she said: “Future? What future? If tomorrow you run over by a car and die, where is your future?”

  • I believe that my future looks . . .

For the die hard optimists there among you, sorry to disappoint but I can only sum up my future in one word: bleak. How can I say otherwise. Look, I will be honest and say it straight and we will never talk about it again. Once and for all I will bare the facts so you understand. I have an auto-immune disease. One of its direct symptoms is RA. I have cervical and lumbar hernia (Spinal disc herniation/slipped disc) I have ulcer and IBS and experiencing signs of Apraxia  and Agnosia, foggy brain if you like. The rest of the fairy tale you can read here. Specialists said between now and five years I will be in a wheelchair. I feel it will be sooner than that. So, tell me… how can I be optimistic?

  • In the future, I could do without . . .

Pain.

  • 5, 10, 20 years from now . . .

I will be surely dead.

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36 thoughts on “The Future”

  1. I’m sorry for your medical problems but I am optimistic that some of them will improve and you will begin to feel better. Use the laws of attraction to bring good things into your life. I understand it’s difficult when you have pain. Hopefully they can help manage that.

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  2. It is my belief that you should continue writing your posts as you have been doing. I can be the judge whether it is depressing, to me. I might say something is depressing and it has little to do with another’s writing. It’s all the reader’s mindset.

    How does one make the leap, from the cervix to the mouth?

    Skin tags may be removed using that freezing stuff … nitrogen? I had mine taken off with scissors by my GP. Some have since returned. It is to do with rubbing i’m told abrasion through rubbing which is why they tend to pop up on armpits and so on? Hmmm, hormonal imbalance … interesting?

    Obviously future needs to be planned. Yet one needs to live in the now. Unless yogi. Then always in the now. There is no future, nor past.

    Well the prognosis can be bleak but others have turned the bleak future into something better. You and only you. Has the power.

    Please read about the power of cannabis. It is not just a means of getting squiffy. It is a serious health giving plant. phoenixtears.ca

    I use cold-pressed hempseed oil. Full of Omega 3 long chain fatty acids

    Or stay in your misery. That’s your choice. You may say, “I have no choice”. We all have free will.

    My friend has RA and weak bone structure and just had by-pass surgery with 5 by-pass all at once. It is a miserable condition … yet she continues to be a lovely person full of zest and living. I am always heartened by her.

    Another friend, was a thalidomide baby and spent his whole life in a chair. It does not stop him from participating and getting out. It’s just different for him, than myself. He seldom complains except for how wheelchair accessibility, is poor.

    No, Life is never a bed of roses, except for the few. I am not one of those few. I have my own health problems. This is not the forum for me.

    Bon Chance, maramding salamat, Cheers Jamie.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Cervical hernia or cervical herniated disc is diagnosed when the inner core of a disc in the neck herniates, or leaks out of the disc, and presses on an adjacent nerve root. 🙂

      Inspiring friends you keep. Maybe someday I will be one of them, but for now I’m me. Do I complain a lot? I don’t think so. Anyway, thanks for the tips. As always.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Dear Ms. Peach,
        Yes I had that some years ago, when in my late thirties. Back surgery and insertion of a steel rod was recommended. Instead I went swimming. It took about three years and once in a while I get laid out out with the back problem but I’m fine in my sixties. Just try to keep up with exercise. … Never mentioned anyone else complaining. Just that Theo doesn’t. Don’t know about die-hard optimism at all …? Just know that universal love goes a long way …! Cheers Jamie.

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      2. Die hard optimism sounds ironic I know but don’t mind me I’m losing it completely. Your steel rod story reminds me of the time a car ran over me when I was about ten years old. My fibula snapped into two and I spent christmas and new year (dec.2 – jan 4) in the hospital and the doctors said I might not walk that easily again. I did it in three days. Thanks for always being there putting up with my nonsense and offering endless nuggets of wisdom.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Mme. Peche,
        Entirely my pleasure. For a fellow soul, that needs comfort from time to time. With a signpost for your choice. May your days be filled with light and love.
        Cheers Jamie.
        BTW there is no nonsense … just a POV.Please continue to entertain your readers … Thanks J.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I am not the incurable optimist, but I have been teaching myself to look to what I have than what I do not have. You have been through a lot and your body even more, but even if you do not think your blogs are as good as they used to be then you would be wrong. Your writing is touching others, making them think and helping them understand or even see a different perspective.

    I know the life of dealing with pain and not wanting to go to see the doctors. I used to have a headache all the time and a migraine at least once a week. Going to a neurologist did help me get some control over the migraines. I’m going about every 2-3 months for a migraine. Headaches I have are probably the equivalent to a normal person’s idea of a migraine. Yes pain sucks, but do what you can to minimize it. You have survived through the pain all this time . . . you can definitely do this! The surgeries are scary, but just go one at a time and recover. To be able to do that and improve your life even if it is a couple days before you pass away is worth it. Time with your family or just time to enjoy those things in life you aren’t able to do.

    I have other issues, but the migraines made it so I could only curl up in a dark, cold, quiet room for a few hours if I was lucky or to an ER for shots if I wasn’t lucky. But the fact that I can think straight now is worth seeing the doctor.

    I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope you find your way with dealing with it. ~Kelly

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    1. First, I would like to thank you for your encouraging words. They help. Only those who are experiencing the same ordeal can understand what I’m going through. Being said that, let me tell you that after countless poking and probing, vacationing in pain clinics and taking medications after medications that only offer temporary relief from the symptoms but never from the root cause, I decided I want to have some respite from hospitals and doctors that’s why I cancelled some of my previous appointments. But I know I have to face them sooner or later.
      Thanks for understanding and the prayer.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. It’s hard to think that someone who looks as young and vibrant as you do in those photographs could be suffering this much.
    I’m so sorry you have to deal with all this!
    Still, your blogging will help.
    Someone above mentioned cannabis. Yes, I’ve heard it can really help.
    Feast your eyes on beautiful things.
    Listen to beautiful music.
    Find lovely people.
    Eat good food.
    Keep writing.
    I will wish for good health and better prognoses for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. I know what you mean. Illnesses that don’t show on the outside are difficult and complex to understand. Sometimes I wish it shows. But the thing is, when I feel bad and can’t hardly move and puking all over the place, I don’t want somebody to see me; not even my children. So, I only go out if I feel more or less better and pretend I’m normal. But the hours are getting shorter and shorter and I don’t know how long I can keep up pretending. I am ashamed of my condition. I am ashamed to admit that I am not the man I used to be, very far from. If someone talks to me and I can’t find the words, I’m ashamed. I don’t want them to think I’m stupid or so. Difficult, the changes. Like I said, I’m becoming a stranger to myself.
      Thank you for reading and for the sympathy. Means a lot to me.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Take care of yourself, and don’t be ashamed. Life is beautiful. Try anything and everything — yoga, cannabis, painting, music, ice-cream, mushrooms, acupuncture. What’s there to lose?
      Acupuncture could probably help. It’s very effective for auto-immune diseases. I hope you can try it, but be sure to find a good, reputable acupuncturist.
      When it’s done right, it’s absolutely beautiful, not painful at all, and induces a deep dream-state (at least for me, it did). My allergic asthma pretty much disappeared (except my allergies to cats), after I took six or eight acupuncture treatments. It was a revelation to me, a naturally skeptical type.

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      1. That’s a great idea! I don’t know if you’re familiar with the film of (don’t laugh) Jet Li: Kiss of the Dragon – The title “Kiss of the Dragon” is derived from one of the last scenes in the movie, in which Li punctures Richard in the back of the neck with an acupuncture needle at a “very forbidden” point on the body. The puncture itself, called “kiss of the dragon”, traps all the body’s blood in the head and causes side effects of quadriplegia, bleeding from the head’s orifices, and a painful death via a brain aneurysm. In the movie Jet Li wore this bracelet made of needles all the time and it was his secret weapon.
        Did I already mentioned that I am a first class paranoid among so many other things?

        Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re young the world lies at your feet, take advantage of your youth, live to the fullest, no regrets, just fly. Time is something you can never get back once past no matter how rich and powerful you are. Explore all the options and take chances. Be careful. Always.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ciao. I am so impressed that you are stil doing the course. I completely bombed out… so overwhelmed by the pacing and my inability to keep up with the deadlines and the other work I had to do.

    You have all of this terrible stuff going on with your body, but you keep on plugging away.. answering questions. Digging. Reflecting. Telling painful truths. No matter how scary. Intimidating. Embarassing.

    You keep on going. Yes. That is what you do and you are doing a fantastic job. I am inspired. I don’t have half of what is going on for you, and yet I couldn’t finish.

    You are self described paranoid, depressed, and dying. But you keep on participating and responding to each person’s comments with honestly and directness. Something in the “ordinary” world is very rare.

    How old would you be in 5 years if you stopped writing this blog today? The same age you’d be if you didn’t stop. Just all the less richer.

    This is your medium for richness in life. Please. Please, don’t stop. Tell the truth. Keep asking. Keep listening.

    I was so sad the other day. Just cummulative blues from the fog of fall and the sorrow of wrong turns taken… I found this woman and through her suffering and almost certain imminent death, I felt blessed, transformed and purified. Redirected and humble.

    None of my choices had changed. The fog and damp skies had not lessened. I could not save this woman with a magic wand. I could only stand before her beautiful being and let her light in.

    May you find a poem or song’s worth of relief today Dear impossiblebebong.

    Big hug.
    On and up,

    N

    P.S. Keep on keepin on…

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    1. Wow! What can I say… I’m honest through and through even in real life. Not so many people can appreciate that. Mind you there is a huge difference between being honest and tactless and I will never be the latter. In this current society where falsehood and hypocrisy are highly rewarded, it is very difficult to stay true. But we need to or otherwise who are we deceiving but our own selves.

      I can understand sadness without obvious reasons. I am melancholic by nature. Most of the time I feel like there is this dark cloud hanging above my head that follows me wherever I go and releases torrents of rain whenever it feels like. If I say that to people when they ask how I am, I know they will run as fast as they could towards opposite direction. Most people don’t really want to know the truth.

      I listen and hold conversations out of genuine interest. There are lots we can learn by merely observing and really listening. Everyone has their own truths and stories to tell.

      I appreciate you being here and talking to me, understanding, listening…

      Don’t be sad. You are not alone. Hugs back.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You have no idea how much I needed to hear your words. Right now. Thank you. I loved your photos about change. You looked so peaceful. And the one in the little house made me smile. Thanks again.: )

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      2. I was having 40 degrees fever there in changes photo but I didn’t want to be confined in bed. I don’t like to waste every precious second I still have left. Pain will be there whether I lie sulking or roaming around.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m sorry for your health problems! Good for you for taking control of your health and going to see those specialists. I know how scary that can be!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is the kind of post I can’t find myself ‘liking’. We need a dislike option here such as Facebook is allegedly working on. Not for the post, which as ever with you is open, honest, revealing, and your reality, your own private Idaho. But we need it just for how much it sucks reading about your pain and the inevitably feeble response on my part of sending you virtual support, or something to that effect. Of course I do still send you that kind of positive energy but one truly wishes they could do more at moments like this.

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    1. I can understand really. I will be in the same predicament if I read this kind of post about someone. Though in this vast sea of cyber space we really don’t know each other personally, we feel like we know the person through blogs and the things one chooses to reveal publicly. What to say in moments like this? Being there, understanding, letting your presence be known is more than enough. I appreciate your sensitivity.

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  8. I appreciate your thoughts and your honest. Despite your painful, frustrating and debilitating health conditions, you offer fruit for thought and inspiration to me and many others. I have minimal faith in traditional medicine but would suggest looking into any useful alternative treatments, though you may have done so already. Please know that you are appreciated. Being that I consider myself a realist and a truth-teller, I am often accused by others of being negative… sometimes life just is. Know that you are not alone!

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    1. Thank you for your comforting words. I am also a realist. Some people can’t (or don’t want to) understand that it cannot be all roses and moonshine (in fact in real life it is seldom so) that not everybody wants to pretend that everything is A-okay even it is not so. I don’t complain much, just telling it the way it is.
      Indeed I already looked into alternatives but thanks for suggesting it. Take care.

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  9. “It ain’t pretty and it don’t work, but if you’re damned, may as well be damned in style”

    I don’t have polite fluffy words, never saw much use in them, but I figure you got it sorted and you got a brain, so however the chips fall I trust its covered
    As for optimism, let it be damned with all the dreams we weave and only ever see through the jaded lenses life forces upon us, and only ever see torn apart by the shitstorm of life
    When it’s a bad day in hell, there’s always a bar to make it better!
    And should the happy folk complain… What demons the broken contain may feed as they wish on the stupidity of humanity

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    1. I don’t dress words with trimmings and embellishments either. I always serve them raw and pure. No use lying and running around bushes. I tell it straight so thee is no room for misunderstanding. I appreciate your honesty and different take on the same subject. Very poetic.

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