Small Talks

If we were having coffee right now I would probably tell you that I supposed to be sleeping instead of answering this prompt for today because I have an appointment with the neurologist tomorrow morning for a follow up of my last week’s MRI scan result. I would tell you also that I have a blinding headache on top of my menstrual pain and all the other discomfort that goes with RA. But probably you don’t want to hear all of that because I found out from years of observation that people don’t really want to know the troubles and sufferings of others that’s why when they ask the customary “how are you?” when you meet them, they will run as fast as they could if you tell them the truth. 

If we were having coffee right now maybe I would relate to you the dreams I’ve been having lately. The last three nights, I’ve been dreaming of my exes. One boy in particular. When I woke up I felt cheated. I did not want to wake up yet. I want to prolong the dream, the feelings, the experience… I don’t want it to end. So much so that I forced myself to sleep again and recreate the dream. I can do that sometimes… I might ask your opinion about it. Why I’m feeling like this? Does it mean I am not happy with my current situation? Am I missing something? Perhaps I already know the answers but it is always nice to hear someone’s point of view beside my own.

If we were having coffee right now perhaps I would tell you that at long last our other house is finally sold! After two years and a half of waiting someone see the value of the place, the effort that have gone through the process of renovating and restoring it to its former glory, the beauty and soul of a period property, I supposed to be thankful but what I have is a mix feelings. Do I have to be happy that we sold the place for over a hundred fifty grand less of the minimum price? Do I have to be grateful that we have to pay the three years interest of a bridging loan we undertook to finance the property? I know it’s an error of judgment from our side, a miscalculation, but still… Some of our dreams have to be put on the back burner for the meantime. Something we have been doing for the last eleven years already. Okay, it is not the end of the line and compare to others, but_ still…

If we were having coffee right now, though I know that you probably thinking why I am telling you these things instead of a more positive news I would not apologize. You ask for an update about my life, well… this is my life, this is the truth; or you rather that I invent happy stories for your benefit? No, I would never do that. I cannot fool myself. I can probably tell lies in order not to saddle you with my woes but what’s the use? Do you want me to deceive both of us?

If we were having coffee right now I would be drinking tea instead of coffee. Preferably real green tea like Genmaicha, Seacha Ariake or Gyokuro. I only drink coffee once in a while. But if I drink it, I drink it black. Because real men drink their coffee black. At least, that’s what my ex said to me a long time ago. 

I know we were having coffee right now but I’m afraid I have to go. Appointment in the hospital tomorrow, remember? I hope I didn’t distraught you with my stories but you probably don’t care. Anyway, thank for your time and till next time maybe? If you dare…

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27 thoughts on “Small Talks”

  1. I think dreams are more about feelings than actual people. Perhaps you are looking back to a time with fewer problems that you associate your old boyfriend with rather than actually wanting to resume your relationship. Hard to tell. Ten years after my husband’s death, I had a dream about him. We were in our old mountain home in CA and water was threatening to flood it. Since in reality I had finally met someone I was falling in love with, I realized the dream wasn’t about wanting my husband back but was resolving the fact that I was going on without him into a new relationship. I kept trying to unpack but things kept stopping me–symbolizing my not wanting to go back to what I had before. Wise decision because it is always impossible to do so. Look at the details of your dream rather than just at the characters in it, for sometimes they are just symbolic. Hope your test results are good and that your symptoms abate. I found when I was having bad arthritis/rheumatism symptoms that caffeine made them very much worse, so good that you aren’t drinking coffee. Go on writing about what you need to write about–not what you think will please! http://judydykstrabrown.com/2015/09/17/i-feel-good/

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    1. The other day I dreamed about twisters, series of them simultaneously, small, medium and big ones. I was looking through the window with my mother (she’s dead) watching it approach the house and when I thought it will pass through right in the middle, it suddenly changed direction and just cleaved the corner wall of the kitchen. Then I saw my husband walking just under the window on the street the turned into a shallow river full of green vegetation. I tried to shout at him but he didn’t hear me. He was walking very relax, ambling… then he bent down and pick some of the green slimy thing and eat them. The dream ended there.
      Thank you for your wise words, concern and encouragement.

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      1. Twisters lift us out of our life. It looks like you see a lot of different possibilities for change. That water is creativity and sensuality. It looks like your husband is showing you how it could nourish you and give you new life. The green also might signify a fresh start. The fact that the twister took only a corner out of the kitchen could be seen either as a clue to sacrifice some of your domestic duties in favor of creative ones or might tie in with the death of your mother. The fact that your mother is with you as you view these possibilities may be because she is a contrast to what you see for yourself or a reminder of things she taught you that you might have forgotten. Or–I may be wrong about everything.Ha. A very interesting dream, bong!

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      2. Thanks for the free analysis, doc 🙂
        Seriously, we can interpret dreams as we see fit I think. But you could be right. The only thing my mother taught me is family can hurt you the most because they equipped with a lot of ammunition against you and you cannot divorce them.

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  2. Best wishes for your appointment. Come back happier. Now go to bed, sleep off that headache – and stop replying to my malarkey.

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      1. Take a pain-killer. Anything that’s handy. I am sorry for not responding earlier – not that I can do much. Sending you my good wishes.

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  3. I like Vietnamese coffee over ice. But that’s only a recent preference. I drink little coffee or tea for that matter. While I like green tea … better for me is English style with just a little milk … no sugar. Never sugar. I like good water … i don’t care for the taste of chlorine.

    I do not mind people venting about their problems in blogs. I seem to have found a number of personal blogs, with people affected by mental issues. No matter, they need to vent.

    RA is a painful condition. One of my friends has it and seldom complains … good for her. Yet, I can understand when she does.

    I like your blog no matter what. I’ve told you before … you can have my email if it would help? Yet I doubt you ever will. That’s okay the offer is open and I’m not offended. I can understand. Some stranger expects their shoulder to be used? … Weird or what?

    I would say you have it figured, anyway. Just need practice.

    I just sold my house too, recently. No boring details … it’s a pain but like yourself, out from under now. Happier too, now the stress is gone.

    If you go in hospital they have the internet, right? BTW You’re the boss. It’s your body. Don’t let them rush you. Make informed decisions and everyone loves you! Cheers Jamie.

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    1. You always have interesting things to say full of details. I am holding you on that offer. I might need shoulders sometimes. Mine is almost ready for replacements 🙂 I cancelled the trip to the hospital. Too wobbly to be seen in public. I still have my pride.

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  4. First of all, those donuts just made me droooool! Haha!

    On a serious note, please don’t forget to rest. I think you have to take your headaches seriously. 🙂 That’s a friendly advice. 🙂

    The funny part here is I also shared a dream on my post on today’s task! 😀 Though it is not about my exes! 😀

    Thank you for sharing a lot of interesting updates! 🙂

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  5. If we were to share a cup of coffee together, I would listen patiently as you poured out your thoughts. I would first congratulate on the sale of the house, it is always better to start positively and hopefully end it that way. I would empathize with the PMS because I know how it feels and hope that the doctors visit will turn out fine. About the dreams, it may not mean so much and could be something that you have been ruminating on. That sometimes, when the past is done, it is better to leave it in the past and move on. Yesterday never comes back. Embrace tomorrow and tea sounds perfectly fine 🙂

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  6. I’d say I’m sorry for the stuff going on in your life now but I don’t think you want people feeling sorry for you. What I will offer is that your kind of writing is the kind of writing that connects me to other lives and to my own inner life. It’s nice to have company. Honesty is always harder than B.S. I really related to this and love how you know that telling the truth is first and foremost for you own benefit. I love these lines: “I would not apologize. You ask for an update about my life, well… “this is my life, this is the truth; or you rather that I invent happy stories for your benefit? No, I would never do that. I cannot fool myself.”

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