Small Talks

If we were having coffee right now I would probably tell you that I supposed to be sleeping instead of answering this prompt for today because I have an appointment with the neurologist tomorrow morning for a follow up of my last week’s MRI scan result. I would tell you also that I have a blinding headache on top of my menstrual pain and all the other discomfort that goes with RA. But probably you don’t want to hear all of that because I found out from years of observation that people don’t really want to know the troubles and sufferings of others that’s why when they ask the customary “how are you?” when you meet them, they will run as fast as they could if you tell them the truth. 

If we were having coffee right now maybe I would relate to you the dreams I’ve been having lately. The last three nights, I’ve been dreaming of my exes. One boy in particular. When I woke up I felt cheated. I did not want to wake up yet. I want to prolong the dream, the feelings, the experience… I don’t want it to end. So much so that I forced myself to sleep again and recreate the dream. I can do that sometimes… I might ask your opinion about it. Why I’m feeling like this? Does it mean I am not happy with my current situation? Am I missing something? Perhaps I already know the answers but it is always nice to hear someone’s point of view other than my own.

If we were having coffee right now perhaps I would tell you that at long last our other house is finally sold! After two years and a half of waiting someone see the value of the place, the effort that has gone through the process of renovating and restoring it to its former glory, the beauty, and soul of a period property, I supposed to be thankful but what I have is a mixed feeling. Do I have to be happy that we sold the place for over a hundred fifty grand less of the minimum price? Do I have to be grateful that we have to pay the three years interest of a bridging loan we undertook to finance the property? I know it’s an error of judgment from our side, a miscalculation, but still… Some of our dreams have to be put on the back burner for the meantime. Something we have been doing for the last eleven years already. Okay, it is not the end of the line and compares to others, but_ still…

If we were having coffee right now, though I know that you probably thinking why I am telling you these things instead of a more positive news I would not apologize. You ask for an update about my life, well… this is my life, this is the truth or you rather that I invent happy stories for your benefit? No, I would never do that. I cannot fool myself. I can probably tell lies in order not to saddle you with my woes but what’s the use? Do you want me to deceive both of us?

If we were having coffee right now I would be drinking tea instead of coffee. Preferably real green tea like Genmaicha, Sencha Ariake or Gyokuro. I only drink coffee once in a while. But if I drink it, I drink it black. Because real men drink their coffee black. At least, that’s what my ex-had said to me a long time ago. 

I know we were having coffee right now but I’m afraid I have to go. Appointment in the hospital tomorrow, remember? I hope I didn’t distraught you with my stories but you probably don’t care. Anyway, thank for your time and until next time perhaps? If you dare…

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