The view

I may have a Gothic view of life, but I’ve never been a pessimist. It took me this long to realize it but you know what they say… better late than never. Today, I marked the beginning of a new year for me; the year I discovered other sides of my personality, the hidden truth within the real self. Life is a never-ending learning process indeed.

All my life, I have believed that I was a pessimist. Sitting here in the front of the computer  I suddenly realized that is not true, exactly the opposite in fact. I found out that over and over again in the course of my existence when everything seemed hopeless; times when I encountered walls and there seemed to be no way out, dead-end wherever I turned; those were the moments when I painted doors and windows to look out. And beyond that, I created meadows, fields, hills, beaches forest oceans, mountains, and rainbows. I did it to have something to look at, to hope for.

When everything seemed lost, I made escape routes; paths to tomorrow, because I could not accept defeat, I cannot just stop and accept. There has to be a way out somehow, always… and I will find it no matter what.

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Thursday Thoughts

Each of us has something within us which won’t be denied, even if it makes us scream aloud to die. We are what we are, that’s all. Like the old Celtic legend of the bird with the thorn in its breast, singing its heart out and dying. Because it has to, its self-knowledge can’t affect or change the outcome, can it? Everyone singing his own little song, convinced it’s the most wonderful song the world has ever heard. Don’t you see? We create our own thorns, and never stop to count the cost. All we can do is suffer the pain, and tell ourselves it was well worth it.

~ The Thorn Birds

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