Tell us about a situation that was not funny at all while it was happening, but that you now laugh about whenever you remember it.
Last night (and the night before and the night before that) I heard scratching sounds… and I thought: what in God’s name is that???
Lately, I am also hearing strange noises in the middle of the night; especially since Eric (the neighbour) left his ex-partner’s lair couple of months ago. Remember the woman who threw out some guy after he renovated her house? No, you don’t because probably I forgot to tell you.They are the ones I’m talking about.
Since then, every night without fail, we heard sounds of a heavy object being moved around coming from their house. As if something is scraping against the hardwood floor, followed by series of thuds. In my mind, I picture a large wooden chest being dragged across the landing down the stairs. I said to D. maybe she and her adult kids chopped Eric into pieces and trying to get rid of the evidence little by little. Or maybe they are re-positioning the furniture D. suggested sober as he always is and no taste for macabre tales.
Okay, granted; but every night???
Back to the scratching sounds… at first, I thought it was the damn rats/mice again. We have them now and then being in the middle of fruit producing region of the country. These little animals love to hang around especially towards the end of the season to take advantage of the crops that have been abandoned on the fields to rot. But during the winter, starving and cold, these rodents are forced to seek temporary shelter in the nearby houses. At times this occurrence is threatening to become a real plague the municipal officials have to issue warnings, encouraging people to locate and terminate them. They really are becoming a serious issue.
D. caught seven rats and countless mice already using traps because these little pests show a very strong tolerance to poison (One of the so many charms of living a country life haha) they eat the granules like candies and go on with their merry ways afterwards. Sometimes, I chase them with a knife. Boy, they’re fast!
Of all the funny noises we (mostly me) are hearing lately, this scratching sound is the least I fancy because it triggers my migraine. Like little animals burrowing in the deep recesses of my brain digging, digging mercilessly causing a blinding headache on the right side of my head above and under my eye. Very convenient.
I prefer the conversations I occasionally hear in the middle of the night since I bought those antique dolls and put them together with a real-life replica of a black evil cat and its faithful companion the fast becoming scary statue of a dog.
The voices sound like a muted television program populated by mostly female and one recognizable male (or it is my overactive imagination that doing that I don’t know) D. said old houses make noises, pipes hissing, radiator clanking, floorboards setting out and so on… what about dragging noises and muted conversations???
He’s the one telling me the other night that he expects the dog and the cat and the dolls at the foot of the stairs and third-floor landing to move and look at him. And he told me that when I was on vacation somewhere last year, he heard a voice clear and strong behind him asking how he was while there was no one around. He’s good at fooling himself, that one.
Okay, the scratching sounds… last night I could not stand it anymore so I started looking for it and didn’t stop until I located the origin of the irritating noises. I traced it on the third-floor landing where a very big hallway closet (designed to hang winter coats and jackets) is facing a very big mirror which I tried not to look at and not turn my back to it either. Tricky when you want to look inside the closet because you’re convinced that the sound is coming from there.
What I did was knelt on the floor so I was out of range of the stupid mirror and tried to price the door from the bottom which proved to be difficult because it was jammed and when I managed to open the damn thing it made a devastating sound the neighbours would probably think I was doing what I am accusing them of doing.
I tried to shine the lighter I was holding inside the closet without setting the clothes on fire. I could use candles but what if some supernatural forces blow it out for me? And I didn’t know where the flashlights were, probably in the cellar where I will never go alone even during the day. There are so many rooms and dark passages there and the door to it slams shut (or clicks open by itself) without apparent reason. Draft said D. the over-enthusiastic forever optimistic innocent fairy tale D. I want to kick his face.
Where I am now? Oh, the funny scratching sounds…
I shone the lighter left and right burning my finger in the process while squinting my eyes trying to locate the origin of the sound and at the same time fighting an urge to look back and investigate the breathing I seemed heard and felt on the back of my neck. This could not take long or I will end up somewhere, a hospital or a looney bin; or both.
When I saw the cause of that mind-boggling noise, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and grab it haul the thing on the floor and squash it under my foot.
It was a big wood fly trying to burrow itself inside the wooden back wall of the hallway closet. I didn’t know that such little insect can make so much sound!
I grabbed several wads of tissue from one of the guest rooms and grabbed the damn thing and flushed its miserable life down the toilet. No more noises tonight. Tomorrow, I will empty the armoire and treat them with appropriate insecticide… Finally, bed here I come!