Heaven and Hell

What commonly accepted truth (or “truth”) do you think is wrong, or at least seriously doubt?  Why?

… and co.

I was born and raised catholic. It was drilled and engraved in my brain since babyhood that sinners go to hell and good people go to heaven to become angels of God. Paradise is reserved for those who follow the ways of the Lord and you will reap what you sow. Karma never forget an address and what goes around comes around.

Though I saw a lot of evidence to counter those beliefs and experienced most if not all of it, it never cross my mind to question the authenticity of these claims. To me, they are the absolute truth. My parents said so, the bible says so and the majority of people I know say so. Who am I to question what seems to be a universal beliefs?

Till recently. It took me almost fifty years to have a doubt, to do serious thinking, to finally question what I believe to be the truth all my life. It wasn’t easy. At times I seriously doubt my own sanity instead. I asked myself why now? Why after all these years?  The answer is simple: I get tired of waiting. Waiting for a change, for the contrary to happen, to see tangible proofs, to witness the claims. Why evil things happen to unsuspecting good people? Why bad men go on thriving? Why those people  who done me (and others) wrong lead happy, prosperous lives?  

God works in mysterious ways? Everything happens for a reason? I don’t know what is mysterious and reasons for those children who have been abducted by an evil man, abused them sexually and let them starve to death somewhere in a basement of an abandoned house? Or James Bulger? Remember him? And that were only drops in a vast sea of related senseless crimes.

I know that I said I don’t discuss religion and politics because it is not only touchy, explosive subjects, there is also no right or wrong angle in it. But I don’t consider what I’m talking about part of these subjects in general but instead a topic related to my own beliefs and point of view regarding current and past events in my life based on how I experienced them. There is something happened to me lately that I consider an eye-opener. As if I’ve been sleeping for too long and suddenly wake up in another world. Or perhaps the same world but I can see things more clearly. I don’t accept hearsay anymore. I refuse to believe in illusions, I stop being a starry-eyed chick, I want proof.

I have lost my faith. In God and in humanity. It is not easy for me to say this because I used to believe and see a good side in everyone. But for now, it is the truth. It is how I feel. I will not apologize for it.

dawn_of_eternity_by_natieboy

15 thoughts on “Heaven and Hell”

  1. I understand you 100%. Why the people who are mean and awful live a life of prosperity? That always kicks me. I’m a good person who doesn’t hurt anyone not even with a word and my life isn’t easy. I got your point, too.

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  2. The thing about Catholicism that has never felt right with me is that it offers no surety. How do you know when you have done enough good to make it into heaven? What if you go your whole life being a “good” person and then at the end you do something terrible and stupid? And how do you know if what you are doing is truly good?
    I believe no one is good in relation to God, because he is holy and perfect, and everyone messes up and makes mistakes. Everyone does wrong at some point, even if it is what we might consider “little things.” I believe that Jesus came to reconcile us to God. He was perfect so that we don’t have to worry about being good enough. We just accept him, accept grace. The weight of doing and worrying and wondering is no longer ours to bear.
    It doesn’t mean nothing bad will ever happen to me, but it does mean I will never be alone. That gives me great comfort. And though there is so much darkness and evil and ugliness in this world, I have hope of a future without that.
    I’m not trying to stir anything up, so I hope it doesn’t read that way. I just wanted to share where I have found hope.

    I hope your searching and questioning eventually leads you to a place of peace and comfort. ❤

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    1. I appreciate your honesty and your concern. Your optimism is admirable. Your comment reminds me of a conversation between me and my Iranian good friend. I said to her (half-joking) that it is not fair that she can marry her first cousin and in their religion it is not consider wrong while in mine it is a mortal sin. When we both died and face the maker, would I be judge as a catholic for my sins and she will be judge as her religion? I find it unfair that I will go to hell for committing the same sin while she will go to heaven because based on her belief, she didn’t do anything wrong.
      I am also changes for the better. I used to say I would like to sleep a thousand years and wake up in a better world. Thanks for your input. I appreciate it much.

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  3. I can completely relate. I do have my low times, but I know that this is Satan’s world right now and what we do to combat him is help others, reach out to them and hope in some way we have made a difference. I do have those what if days of what if I am wrong, but if I am wrong is there a point to my life then when I die. I was not brought up catholic, so I think that may make a difference in my perspective. My husband was brought up Catholic and is very bitter about it. He found faith again after 9 years of us together at the church I am attending. We both have our days that we are fed up with the idiots out there that give Christianity a bad name. But then again that has happened by the overzealous over and over again. Most well known example: the Inquisition.

    Oh another point for me is I did not understand why the partitioners in the Catholic faith are not allowed to read the Bible. This maybe for some types of versions. Just seemed like they were following the Jews from the old testament that in order to interact with God they had to go to the priests.

    Whatever the case, you are not alone and I hope something shows up for you to realize that your faith was not misplaced, but just needed to be found again.

    As always, I love your talent for writing about conflicting areas in life in a very thought opening way.

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    1. You got some good valid points there. Though I believe I have lost my faith, deep down inside I am still looking for some explanations as to why these things happened and keep happening. I do believe also what you said about finding my faith again. Time will tell but the hope is still there. Thank you for your encouraging words and for sharing your story with us.

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    1. In short, you don’t believe in heaven or hell? How about reincarnation and purgatory? Probably not. Long time ago, I stop myself from committing suicide for the fear of landing in hell. That time I was already on 50/50 basis but what if? Thanks for dropping by.

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      1. Reincarnation is a possibility. I’ve had experiences that make me think something goes on, but I am not resolute in any beliefs. They are all just possibilities.

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  4. Thank you for this post – your blog looks visually stunning by the way – and i imagine it can’t be easy arriving at a point where you feel like you need to let go of long held beliefs but i really loved how open and honest you were… and i wish you truth and life ahead.

    i am a follower of Jesus and i wonder if some of the things you let go of – karma, God has a plan for everything, God works in mysterious ways – might be things people told you, or contexts that were unhelpful, that are good things to let go of, but i would suggest be careful of throwing everything out because some stuff doesn’t measure up.

    i have learnt that we put a lot of what we want to be true on religion and belief because sometimes reading what is really there is hard or complicated or not favourable and so we try and make God in our own image instead of trying to find Him in His… so i would encourage you to take a voyage of discovery where you get hold of a Bible and read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John at the beginning of the New Testament and simply study the life of Jesus [not the church, not religion] – just who He was and what He said and what He calls us to – and then if you walk away from that, so be it… but i have followed Jesus for most of my life and despite having many doubts and wrestles and concerns, i still find following Him the best way to live – not the most comfortable or the most easy and it does require sacrifice to do it well, but it is worth it.

    Also in terms of the examples of evil people or people committing evil acts that you mentioned, i see those as just that – people disobeying God and living in the brokenness that they find themselves – and that will continue to happen because we do live in a broken world, but as a follower of Jesus i know that i am called to live differently to the world and be part of seeing His kingdom come here as it is in heaven.

    That gives my life purpose. He gives me the strength to keep going. i trust you will continue to seek for Truth and end up back at Him.

    Great blog post – don’t stop
    love brett fish

    http://www.brettfish.wordpress.com

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    1. First of all I would like to thank you for your well thought comment and encouraging words. I am now (which started earlier this year) in a voyage of seeking for the truth and answers to my questions. The bible is a constant companion in our household since time immemorial so I am familiar with the contents. We can interpret what’s in there in so many ways and indeed different organized religions do so. I know since I am the only catholic left in the family. My parents and siblings each found their own separate faiths. I am now reading books about documented life of Jesus as it was without Dan Brown’s influence in it and I might say the books are enlightening. Again thank you and I will keep your suggestions in mind.

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