Mr Sandman

I came across this passage while browsing the net:

Too hot. Blanket off. Too cold. Blanket on. Hot again… sticks foot out of blanket, hears creepy noise. Sticks foot back in.

I laughed because it is too familiar. But with me that is only the beginning. In no circumstances I can let my foot out, remember what Stephen King said about protecting your feet and ankles at all cost from the thing under the bed? That’s one of the reasons. The other reason is my brain. Yes you read it right, I said: my brain.

My brain has a knack of keeping me awake when I am about to find my way to la-la land. If I’m getting comfortable and drifting off it will say something like this: Hey, look at you, you’re almost asleep. I bet you don’t know that. Isn’t it wonderful to not realize you’re drifting off to sleep? You’re almost there; just a little bit more and you’re off. And this and that, etc. etc. etc. By the time it finishes, I am already wide awake.

Other times it will trick my whole body of feeling itchy. The itch will start on the small of my back; from there it will spread freely, only I cannot guess where. It can go whole night on and on and on… Till I am not only wide awake, I will feel murderous also and close to insanity.

I read somewhere that if you lay nonchalantly you will get more comfortable easily and thus fall asleep faster. Just let your body drape across the bed let your hands, feet and head stay where it naturally fall down and keep them there. Just like babies. They can fall asleep in the most strange, unnatural positions which for us adults painful to watch. We always have the urge to arrange them into stances we think are more cosy, snug or secure. My father taught us not to do it. He said if they managed to fall asleep in that position, they must be comfy enough.

With me, that thoughts last only for a couple of minutes before my brain try to convince me that perhaps moving my feet, hands or head an inch farther or nearer to anything is more comfortable than my current position. And before I know what’s happening, my appendages will move on their own accord looking for the most desirable place to settle, ending up with me not sleeping at all.

My brain only allows me to lie on my back. Lying on my side whether left or right will trigger all the nightmare and horror scenarios in its repertoire, ranging from a Ju-On creeping from under the bed and lying next to me hugging me from behind to the Grim Reaper itself caressing my hair from the back. To prevent this I put two pillows against the open headboard of my bed, another two on my left side and a giant hotdog pillow on my left. Sometimes it works, often times not.

If there is any window in the bedroom that is reason enough for my brain to conjure up Danny Glick from Salem’s Lot hanging outside suspended in the air looking through the glass begging to be let in. There is no way it will allow me to lie with my back to the window. Better to be aware at all times than be sorry, it reasons.

Added to all of that lately are hot flashes, night sweats and the urge to urinate frequently. About these symptoms I don’t wish to elaborate right now. There is no need anyway. You understand.

That’s it. You got the picture of my nightly adventure. There is more but I’ll keep it for myself for the time being. Goodnight and sweet dreams.