When I was young I thought that thirty is the end of your life. You cannot possibly want something more when you reached that number. You’re old, finished, done with; the only thing left to do is to wait for the inevitable. When I was young, I thought thirty is palliative. Literally.

Now that I am fast approaching the afternoon of my life, I found out (in a hard way) that you never stop feeling simply because you get older. Years don’t diminish the desire to be loved, to be wanted to feel beautiful; it doesn’t take away the urge to feel connected and the longing for intimacy. The only difference is you want quality instead of quantity. Taste improves with years of experience. Preferences change. You can compare and know what’s best; you know exactly what you want.

Funny thing is (not that I am in that situation already, but I know it will come, another one of those inevitable) beggars cannot be choosy (and so they say) the offers are a lot less than when you are in your prime. Magazines are full of articles that say women in their 40’s onwards are invisible. Must be or otherwise, the titles won’t say: “How to still get noticed when you reached a certain age.” Or “How to turn back the years and get attention again.” Things like that. Very depressing. As if the only way to regain your rightful place in the hunting ground (or in any field for that matter) is to possess a magic wand and let those accumulated years and its consequences disappear and be young again (no wonder cosmetics surgery is a booming business) which is impossible. No amount of power and money can turn back the time.

But enough of that. Let’s concentrate with what matters and that is: getting old in a relationship that saddled you with desires that can never be fulfilled, expectations that can never be met, longings that can never be satisfied, an emptiness that keeps getting bigger and bigger each day it is threatening to swallow you up. Another inevitable? The fact that no one can live like a ghost albeit your former self. The amount of nothing is nothing and sooner or later you will look for what you need elsewhere. Maybe you will never find it but it is better to try and fail than just sit there and wait for something to happen…



4 thoughts on “Inevitable”

  1. Interesting!

    In that what you are writing seems a bit like you’re missing the point? It will not be until you’re fifty, that you will feel empowered. For it validates the previous 49 years.

    It surprises me that “cosmetic surgery” is so popular? The surgeon’s knife is not really a solution. Being obsessed with your looks, breeds vanity.

    The solution is a good diet, free of animal fats, etc.[ Not mentioning here, the drugs that are pumped into them] and solid exercise. Cycling or walking. Low impact. Then the most important exercise of all, are those on the inside. Learning how to love. … not talking sex here. Even so, learning how to have sex, satisfying your significant other and yourself. Is almost as important. I leave that to you to determine.

    Love, is not easily learned. Tolerance for others can be difficult. Especially for those of us who live alone.

    My girlfriend is seventy three. We have a good time, when we spend time together. She has a family and grandchildren, as I do also. If you told her she was old? She would leap down your throat. It’s all about attitude and a zest for life. While income is a help, being satisfied with what life has dished up. Leaves all that resentment and wishful thinking in the rear view mirror. In the end. The love inside, needs to bubble up and spring forth. Which will make a person radiant. Beauty, really is. Only skin deep. Cheers Jamie.


    1. It always comes down to perception. Different strokes for different folks. Whatever floats your boat and so they say. Thanks for your thoughts on the matter. Hearing/reading others opinion always help.


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