Are you familiar with the saying: Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… it’s about learning to dance in the rain? Today I’m going to teach you how to dance in the rain, but my way.
Just remember that all of what you going to read here is subjective. Feel free to add or remove any ingredient to suit your personal taste. Think about those cooking programs where all the candidates are given the same resources and the outcome is never the same for everyone. What I’m going to tell you is advice, not rules. They serve as guidance. It’s always up to you what you want to do with it.
Shall we begin?
When you find yourself in the middle of a storm and have to weather it, here is the list of the things you can and cannot do.
See the big picture.
Step away from the problem to see it as a whole so you can plan from which angle to better approach it. Sometimes when we are so focused on details we failed to see the forest for the trees.
Accept the facts.
There is no use denying them. Pretending the problems don’t exist only prolongs the agony. Deal with it ASAP.
Never blame anyone.
Pointing fingers and laying the blame on someone’s doorstep will not help you to find a solution to the problems. Instead of wasting energy being angry, use your strength to look for possible ways to get you out of whatever predicament you’re in.
Face the music.
You have to take responsibility for your own deeds. Acknowledging you are part of the problem is crucial in the process of learning from your mistakes in order not to do them again. A mature adult is a responsible adult.
No matter how difficult it is, resist any urge to consult a psychiatrist or psychologist.
I cannot see the point of talking to someone who is only there listening to your woes because you pay him to do so. Don’t confuse them with general practitioners because there is a vast difference. GPs don’t mess up with your head. They don’t feed you unnecessary details about yourself you never know to exist. You know yourself better than anyone. If you seem lost, it is because you are having a difficult time. It will pass. Storm only lasts shortly. It will not be there forever. Shrinks will not magically lead you out of the woods. In fact, nine out of ten cases, they will make you run around to earn more money out of you.
If you really need to talk to someone, talk to an old trusted friend or family member.
The person will listen without passing judgment and because s/he is familiar with your situation and understand the person that you are, s/he can give better advice better than any psychiatrist there is. You can even talk to strangers. They are mostly unbiased and the chance of seeing them again is next to impossible so why not?
Don’t, in any case, take refuge in drugs.
A drug-induced state is never positive. It clouds your judgment, distorts your view of reality and gets you hooked up in no time. It is okay to take a pill once in a while to let you go through the day or night but never make it a habit. You will only regret it afterward. Same with alcohol and other drugs out there, it will not solve your problems, they will not make your troubles go away; addiction can only make everything worse than it is. So, avoid it at all costs.
Never encourage and practice self-pity.
Wallow in pain (yes, you read it right) if you must, to have a taste of it, to get it out of your system, have a good cry but don’t forget to pick yourself up and climb out the pit when you’re ready, unassisted. Perhaps it will take you longer than if there is someone there holding your hand but as grown-ups, we have to learn to do certain things on our own. It will not only build our characters but it will make us stronger also. Remember that standing on your own means strength. How can we mean something to others when we cannot even help ourselves? That’s why I don’t believe in starting something on a rebound. You have to heal and be strong on your own first; you have to be whole again as an individual before you can take part in any kind of relationship. Doing otherwise is setting yourself up for failure. Never, never do that.
Don’t box yourself in.
If you think that there is no way out, look anyway. remember that the only person who is standing in your way is you. A wise man said: it always seems impossible until it’s done. Giving up means defeat. Stand up and fight. You will never know if you can do it unless you try. If there is no opportunity, create one. Don’t sit and wait. Do something. Do you know this quote: You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you’ve climbed a mountain? Sounds like a cliché? Try it you will know it’s true.
God will not put you in a situation that you cannot handle. Have faith in yourself. You alone can get you out of whatever dark pit you happened to find yourself in. Others cannot do it for you. They can only help but you are the only true master of your destiny. You alone can make the decision about what to do with your own life. Remember that how others treat you depends on yourself, because you allow it. Don’t let others treat you poorly. Walk away. Nothing is worth that much, believe me.
Here comes the most important of all: Don’t lose yourself in the process. Protect your core no matter what. Why, because it’s the essence of you. Without it, everything is lost.
So, next time you find yourself in the rain, smile and start dancing…