In my life there were /are so many things that “could have been” and” if only…”
No, it’s not from lack of trying. It just happens that my middle name is bad luck.
I don’t believe in curses. I don’t even want to think about the possibility… but they say that one runs in the family. It’s hard not to notice. Could not be a coincidence anymore. Too much of that in every generation. To see is to believe, right? Well… I’ve seen a lot. Still lingering about… don’t really want to get into it. I could write volumes if I start thinking too much.
Those labyrinth of dark corridors in my head, must have originated from somewhere… keep it all in. Always. Must be years of practice. No one around to tell anyway. Not then, not now, not ever. And if there were some I could confide in between, I never had the urge. Don’t want to saddle others with my baggage. Always carry your own and keep the lid tight. You never know what others might do with it.
Ignorance is bliss and stupidity is even greater gift. Simple minds are the happiest ones. Another if: what if we can choose which family to belong to, that would be awesome.
I’m struggling to have a pattern and some structure. It works so far till someone upset the balance. That’s why living alone is more desirable than being part of any relationship. Why people cannot leave others in peace? One way or another they will find a way to disturb the zen.
Ignore them? Hard if they are part of your so-called life. Sharing space means no matter what they do, it will affect your daily existence.
Especially if they refuse to end the connection.
Parting ways could be hard. That’s why getting hitch really needs some serious consideration. Diving into the water is the easiest part especially in the summer. Swimming and staying afloat needs muscles and technique, believe you me. Double the effort if there is someone there trying to drown you. There is always someone anyway. So many of those around.
Beware of the ones who are closest to you. Those are the dangerous kinds.
Might catch you unprepared and use you as a lifesaver.
Gosh I have to sleep. Weeks of hard work thrown in the water and I’m back to square one. Unforgivable really. You don’t ask for help. Never expect any. Always trying to pull it together by yourself and suddenly, there will be someone there to upset the balance and destroy all your hard work. I have to gather all my strength and will power once more to undo the damage ASAP, because nobody cares and the only victim is no other than myself.
I really, really have to get back on track. I always managed to cure myself without assistance. I can do it again. It could be nice if there is no one in the vessel to throw everything over board, paddles and all.
Sometimes I really have a very strong urge to challenge the 6th commandment.