Not For Thee

“Leave your children behind. They would be better off where they are than with you.”

Someone said this to me when I decided to choose freedom a long, long time ago. And I’m glad I listened because no matter how much I love them I have no right to play with their lives and gamble their chances and opportunities of having a better future than the one I could possibly give them.

Like I said in one of my posts, my children suffered enough. Others will drag their offspring with them no matter what even if that decision is not for their own good in order not to be labeled as a bad mother, I will never do that. I would rather suffer myself when I know that they will be taking care of in best possible ways with resources that was and will never be at my disposal even if I work day and night. I asked though, once the preliminary troubles had subsided but they refused. Again, I understand. I have no right to uproot them from their safe habitat and take them away from their friends and the only family they know. The only regret I have is not seeing them grow up on a daily basis, not being there in the moments itself when they need a mother ASAP. Like my daughter said: the worst had passed already when I managed to arrive. Living closer to them is not an option. Too dangerous.

Why don’t I think my decision would apply to others? And why wouldn’t I give this advice to anyone else?

Because I’m almost sure they would not follow it. Often, people are selfish, egocentric, self-centered and image conscious. Their main concern is what suits them and what makes them feel better and what will make them look good to the eyes of the world. Seldom they put others first especially in cases like this. But the main reason why I would never give this advice to anyone is: goddamn it hurts! It hurts to be separated from the most precious gifts you ever have and love and cherished most of all. It hurts missing them in the night, agonizing over their safety and well-being. It hurts not being able to hold and smell them and not seeing them grow before your eyes. It hurts not being there to share their triumphs and sorrows.

It just hurts.

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DP Challenge: Not For Thee

20 thoughts on “Not For Thee”

  1. They’re are some tough decisions in life that no one wants to ever make. My heart aches for your sadness, so I can only imagine how yours must feel. Thanks for sharing.

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  2. I understand I think why you did. You are right it isn’t for everyone. I think all the time If struggling all the time was the right path for me. Being a single mom of four for the last 15 years, I still say I couldn’t have walked away. Despite the struggles my kids grew up healthy and for the most part happy. They amaze me every day with their strength and character. I can’t imagine the pain that decision has weighted on you. I fear I am not strong enough to make such a choice.

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    1. Strong or not I feel that I had no choice at that moment but to do what I did. I am in a foreign land and have no family or friends to count on but myself. I was too young, inexperienced, scared and destitute. I cannot possibly drag my children to share my chosen fate. I don’t justify my decision for often I question if I did the right thing. But seeing them now, grown up and successful in their chosen fields, it somehow soften the pain.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. My son, the youngest is 25 and teaches Latin, Greek, French and Dutch Literature in the university. My daughter is 27 and specialized on guiding teenagers and young adults with handicapped to live on their own and find place in the society. I’m very proud of them.

        I commend you for bringing up your children single-handedly. kudos.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I would like to read more of your story but the link above to “one of my posts” doesn’t work. I’d appreciate it if you would reply and send me the link.

    I appreciate that you are sharing with us.

    Like

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