“Leave your children behind. They would be better off where they are than with you.”
Someone said this to me when I decided to choose freedom a long, long time ago. And I’m glad I listened because no matter how much I love them I have no right to play with their lives and gamble their chances and opportunities of having a better future than the one I could possibly give them.
Like I said in one of my posts, my children suffered enough. Others will drag their offspring with them no matter what even if that decision is not for their own good in order not to be labeled as a bad mother, I will never do that. I would rather suffer myself when I know that they will be taking care of in best possible ways with resources that was and will never be at my disposal even if I work day and night. I asked though, once the preliminary troubles had subsided but they refused. Again, I understand. I have no right to uproot them from their safe habitat and take them away from their friends and the only family they know. The only regret I have is not seeing them grow up on a daily basis, not being there in the moments itself when they need a mother ASAP. Like my daughter said: the worst had passed already when I managed to arrive. Living closer to them is not an option. Too dangerous.
Why don’t I think my decision would apply to others? And why wouldn’t I give this advice to anyone else?
Because I’m almost sure they would not follow it. Often, people are selfish, egocentric, self-centered and image conscious. Their main concern is what suits them and what makes them feel better and what will make them look good to the eyes of the world. Seldom they put others first especially in cases like this. But the main reason why I would never give this advice to anyone is: goddamn it hurts! It hurts to be separated from the most precious gifts you ever have and love and cherished most of all. It hurts missing them in the night, agonizing over their safety and well-being. It hurts not being able to hold and smell them and not seeing them grow before your eyes. It hurts not being there to share their triumphs and sorrows.
It just hurts.