silver lining

Why there are days that nothing seems to connect? That you feel like being trapped between two walls and they are slowly closing in and breathing is too painful? That no matter what you do, reality is very far, far away and you float hovering above going nowhere seeing everything gray from morning till evening and your head is like an over stretched balloon with a few bricks inside about to burst at any moment with or without provocation then suddenly you will find yourself plummeting under water and you realized you cannot swim which is good because it’s nice to stay there at the bottom where no one could find you and you don’t have to do something you don’t want to do or talk to people and say things you don’t mean but keep saying anyway because that’s what they expect from you?

I can picture a cartoonify version of myself going from frame to frame, a dark cloud following me hanging above my head and once in a while it releases some water and I just sit there with a gloomy face letting the persistent cloud rain on me feeling indifferent being oblivious of the world around because I lost my groove and I cannot find it back and all I can do is walk and walk and walk…

untitledrain

10 thoughts on “silver lining”

  1. Today was one of those days for me. Is it okay with you if I reblog this?
    My blog is in the beginning stages, so I don’t really have any followers, but I love the way you’ve put your feelings into words here. I feel what your saying so much.

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    1. literally and figuratively, no. it’s not even five o’clock and it’s so dark already! oh, i hate winter! especially when it’s not officially winter yet and it looks and feels like that. sh!t i miss my country 😦 do forgive my whining.

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      1. I don’t think it’s whining. My husband is affected by the dark as well. His moods change with it dark at 4:30 here.

        Do you have any family around you there?

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      2. no, my mother died last year. my aunt died this year. my son is teaching in the university and have an apartment there, my daughter is with her marine engineer husband sailing.

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      3. I wish I coudl give you a hug. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom and your aunt. Today is my mother’s birthday. She’s been gone a long time now but I remember how it took awhile to to get better. Be patient with yoursefl.
        You know you are very open and honest here and you touch people who are going through what you are. That’s very unselfish what you say might be whining. I read your posts often. Take care.

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      4. it’s a relief to know that some like you understand my predicaments. people who been through a lot are often compassionate and broadminded. they can empathize without being patronizing. thank you.

        honesty is my curse. it itches in my brain when i try to lie.

        Liked by 1 person

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