Hitting rock bottom
I don’t know anymore what to do. I prayed, sought guidance, begged forgiveness, asked for help, nothing. I face walls at every turn, box in. If it continues to be like this, I will soon lose my mind. Grand plan? Mysterious ways? I don’t understand. Things happen for a reason? Sometimes bad things happen to good people? How about justice? In this society where falsehood and hypocrisy are highly rewarded, people get punished for being honest? So unfair!
At this moment, I could very well understand what Michael Douglas’ character must have felt in the movie Falling Down. I could see myself doing it one of these days. Nobody cares about quality anymore. Or authenticity. Good taste is equally if not rarer than friendly citizen and in danger of becoming extinct together with the truth. Media are full of seemingly caring individuals preaching about equality, diversity respect and tolerance but where are those in real life?
Where is care? If one is full of bullshit but can sell it like hotcakes then the person is considered to be successful. Be sociable. Pretend interest, concern, cares whatever; who cares about heartfelt, genuine, real… who cares about the contents… all of those don’t matter these days. Pretension is the key word. And if one can do it like one really means it, then s/he could be popular, sought after, look up to and copied.
There is where it goes wrong. Copying can lead to a society where everyone is a clone of each other. Where is originality? Where is diversity? Where is individuality? Where is patience? Everything has to be quick, fast, and instantaneous. Everyone is in a hurry going in circles. All that matters have to be cramped in one short vacation or during weekends if ever. Or it could wait when we are all in pension…
Patience is when you badly needed something and you are forced to wait because you live in a society where the powers that be know very well your duties but not your rights. Where it is very much okay to hold you from obtaining what are legally yours but it’s not okay to withhold them what they think is legally theirs. You can be in serious troubles doing that. Could cost you a lot too. Where is freaking justice in that?
Fate has a nasty habit of kicking you square in the butt when you’re down. It is not for nothing there is a saying that goes: when it rain it pours. And it is pouring buckets in my corner lately. I am soaking wet and it is not raining men alleluia. It is cold, hard merciless rain; the sort that can give you chronic bronchitis and pneumonia if I don’t have it already. Could be the case because confusion is one of its symptoms. Maybe I’m rattling because I’m confused.
Anyway, whatever condition I’m in, I hope I will not be tempted to challenge the 6th commandment one of these days…