I was 7 years old.

It was a very sunny day. The bedroom I was in was the only one in the house. The house was perched on the side of the mountain overhanging the big fast current river below. There were beautiful white rocks there. Some shaped like a table in the middle of the water.

Once I saw a big white deer on top of it looking at me. They said there was one indeed but they didn’t believe I saw it. It supposed to be magical. Only a few chosen ones had seen the animal.

Am I a chosen one? Must be because ever since we arrived my older cousin had shown me a lot of attention. He even called me his missus. I didn’t like the idea and I didn’t like the sound. Now he’s grinning at me from the door.

I watched him walked slowly towards the makeshift bamboo bed and took his place next to me. He reached for the sheet under the pillow and covered us with it. I was paralyzed. I can hear my father and uncle (his father) talking outside. They were laughing.

His hand glided under and found itself between my legs.  Outside that small garment but inside my dress. I closed my eyes tightly and held my breath. The kneading begun and so was my shaking. In my ear, he kept repeating the same words: “Don’t tell anyone. Don’t tell anyone or else…” I could fill in the blank. I knew my father, his ways, and his temper. My cousins must have known it too.

I had no idea how long we were laying there. All that I remember was nothing happened further than that. Maybe he was scared too. I ran outside away from the house, screaming. Everyone looked at me and my father asked what was wrong. My cousin said perhaps I saw something odd again like always or must have had a nightmare.

He was 17…

To be continued…



17 thoughts on “Wonderland”

      1. Im so sorry for what you went through. That shouldnt happen to anyone. People can be so cruel but I hope you have experienced the good in people as well.


      2. Im really glad. And i hope writing can be something therapeutic for you and helpful. 🙂


  1. This makes me sad for you. It makes me sad for you and ANGRY at men’s stupidity and their brazen disregard for the innocence of a young girl. Those types should be casterated.


    1. like i said to mandibelle, in that category, only the tip of the iceberg. i am now busy making inventory of my life to find out the roots of my anxieties and phobia which hopefully leads to my recovery. the things that hurts the most, i don’t dare to write yet.

      Liked by 1 person

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