Imagine a film of Van Damme (the one that titled Hard Target) where you can have a head start running (for your life) before some bad news people start hunting you down with all the weapons you/they can conjure up.
At the end of the terrain you will find out that circling the whole area is a mean barbed wire fence with lethal electric current running through it – which btw they already warned you about but you don’t believe for so many reasons; one and most prominent of them is HOPE followed by faith (in higher power, in yourself- because you’re young therefore immortally invincible) naive (thinking the time is on your side) and to put it simply, you have for the moment no better option but go on.
You find yourself in this situation anyway, you might as well do what they expect you to do: try to stay alive. Imagine all that and more and you got the complete unadulterated simplistic version/explanation/synopsis/facts of what life is all about.
From the very beginning, we are the most helpless animals that ever exist on this planet. From birth, if we are left on our own devices, we will not survive our first day. We need at least a decade to learn how to move and (if we’re lucky) t/fend to/for ourselves.
All our remaining years, we will struggle to grow up into maturity stumbling all over the place, oblivious to the fact(s) that:
- We have an expiration date. We are living on borrowed time and 9 out of 10 cases never reach that magic number before sickness/accidents/whatever added us to the statistics.
- We are born terminal because all of us die. Let’s say we’re given a lease of 100 years: half of that we spend believing we have all the time in the world, so what we do? We dedicated our numbered existence in accumulating material things we cannot even bring wherever we will be after our time expired. Assuming those places (heaven, hell, limbo, purgatory, Tír na nÓg etc. whatever do really exist) We study hard to have a better job so we can afford more, thinking it’s our way to our peers and society’s acceptance. We work hard for an image which mainly exists in our heads.
Most of us have mortgages running till we’re 65 (more than half the time allotted to us) and have grand plans the moment we retire. C’mon people(!) be realistic here. Situations are different in your 20’s than in your 40s/50s/60s. There are things you cannot do anymore once you reached a certain age. And we cannot re-create the vigour, the intensity, the courage and enthusiasm of the youth.
By doing like that we are deceiving ourselves that we are living which in fact we hardly do. Like the Dalai Lama once said: we’re so obsessed with the future that we forget the present and we will die without experiencing how it is to really live.
The funny thing is: we realized all of this (like me) only when it’s too late. Approaching the appointed date, we (will) suddenly get it that we are not immortal after all; that we spent almost half if not all of our lives prioritizing wrong priorities and dedicated our existence to the wrong causes, none of those has nothing to do with us personally but believed it does.
I am no different. I married for my family I stayed in a marriage that was doomed from the start for my kids (what a sanctimonious little fool that I was)
And ended up in a life I am having now out of convenience, all the way thinking it is the right thing to do. In between, I went from obedient daughter to martyr to femme fatale to freedom activist to reformed and boring (currently what I am now) all the time questioning my choices: this is it?
I know some of you will think: that’s not me. I have what I want I made the right choice I’m happy with who I am and what I become. And I’d say: think again, baby. Maybe it’s time you stop deceiving yourself.
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