Hour Glass

I am not the kind of person who is fond of mirror. I see it as a tool, a necessity; not an object of vanity.

I check once before I head for the door to avoid awkward moments, like when people look at you and keep looking, and you wonder why; only to learn much, much later that you still have a tiny grain of morning star in the inner corner of your eye.

I know for a fact that there is not one single person here on earth that didn’t experience some embarrassing moments regarding this matter, because you see… morning star has a nasty habit of forming even after you wash your face thoroughly. I just don’t want this to happen to me.

But lately, I noticed that whenever I pass a reflective surface, I cannot help but look. I do it in malls, in restaurants, shops windows, cars, trains, buses, everywhere! Heck, I even check myself in front of microwave/ovens.

I don’t simply look, I peer. As if I want to be sure that the image I am seeing is really me, that’s my reflection, that is how the world see me.

And what I see looking back at me varies from moments to moments, but seldom positive.

I often think: is my hair that long? Am I really this old? I look like a dishevelled kid! Why my face seems doesn’t belong to my body? As if they are two different halves glued together. There is no balance! There is no symmetry!

Two years ago, my eight year old nephew asked me why my face is so small but my body is too big? Kids tell the truth mostly, and his innocent comment really unsettled me. So, occasionally I ask D. if it is true, but of course you know already what his answer is going to be.

I am aware that my body is changing. That one of my best assets, my legs, acquired some saddle bags couple of years ago. That the small hump below my navel didn’t go away as I willed it to and I imagine it keeps on growing. That if I wake up in the morning, there are wrinkles between my breast and it takes longer and longer for them to disappear.  I don’t want to think what will happen one of these days. That if I run, some parts of me wobble, and I don’t look as fresh as I used to after a hard day’s work.

And I can still add a lot more to my whining and I don’t even begun to talk about other things that bother me like health for example, or indigestion, constipation and all the things that ended up in –tion.

Or slight incontinency which thank God only happens when I cough, laugh, vomit or nervous.  How about gas and bloating? There are still a lot of things, but I will stop right here.

 

Mirror, mirror, on the wall…

…who is this strange woman looking at me?

Where is the girl I used to know? Is she hiding?

Where did she go?

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of her

Beneath the mask I wear today

Her eyes look through behind my own

She seems so sad full of questions

The girl looks a bit like me

I can see the similarity

But there stops the resemblance

I am neither her, nor (is) she (is) I (?)…

 

© Bebong

10/20/2014

Thursday

3:02

hourglass

27 thoughts on “Hour Glass”

      1. ha ha ha! when they get old they become distinguished, gray hairs don’t matter to them, they can even go bald! and have beer guts.
        society can even forgive them for having midlife crisis.
        could you imagine us gray, belly hanging over and running away with someone 20 years our junior? (oh, my God i’m whining!)

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      2. ha ha ha! sometimes i just want to do that just to see how the people would react. but then again, i will probably end up either in jail or in a nut house. so unfair!

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  1. Ooooooooo (like the background in horror movies lol)
    Hey! Haven’t said Hi in a while so wanted to drop by! And don’t worry, some day you will recognize the you that you see and will love the fact that it is indeed you <3.

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    1. life is becoming horror indeed. and i thought before that i will waltz through old age…

      i was beginning to worry where you might be… but as long as you’re enjoying yourself and come visit once in a while, i’m happy enough 🙂

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      1. Hehe horror thing was supposed to be a joke :P. I have been around, just not been feeling social enough to comment and talk. Weather’s been changing so drastically everyday that I no longer know what to expect the next day. It’s up and down all the time. Anyway, hope to get back on track soon. Have a good week ahead 🙂

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      2. i can relate to ‘not feeling social’ since i am an introvert myself.
        the weather had been glorious this weekend with the temperature reaching 25 degrees which is pretty rare for october. today is a bit colder but again, too warm for this time of the year but i’m not complaining 🙂 for me it go on forever.
        wish you a wonderful week ahead full love and surprises.

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      3. Yea, it was amazing yesterday here too. I didn’t even have to wear my sweater. But this morning, it was like 3 degrees lol that’s what makes me sick. It happens every day. Oh well. I am happy I have sunshine at least. And aww, thanks for the wishes. Same to u. 😀

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      4. here, it just started raining as i typed this comment and still is. the sun shines sporadically through the rain clouds. pity for i was planning to take my daily walk.

        anyway, till next time.

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      5. Ahh haha btw ur title reminded me of a song i used to like a long time ago. It is hour glass by mindy gledhill. It’s really nice.

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  2. bleurgh…it’s horrible getting old. But hey ho… keep eating cake..it fills out the wrinkles 😉

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  3. I really liked your post. We’re all getting older and no one really likes it but it also does have lots of pluses. I’ll just bet that you could write a nice piece about all the beautiful things about aging.

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    1. perhaps in a couple of years when this episode is over i could indeed write something positive about getting older.

      i guess people go through different phases of life. if you listen to teenagers, they don’t have much good to say about growing up, and people in their 30s often complain about the difficulty of juggling family life, with social, and work loads and having no time for themselves.

      thank you for passing by and giving comments. maybe you could write about aging from a point of view of a man.
      that would be interesting…

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  4. I think everyone is their own worst critic. if only we could all see ourselves through the eyes of those who love us…I’m sure it will be a pleasant surprise 🙂
    great post by the way, a good read 🙂

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    1. All my life I struggle with self-image and low self-esteem. I will not go into details in order not to bore you with my nonsensical ramblings. you’re a smart lady, you can fill in the blanks 🙂

      thanks for passing by and hope to see you again sometimes.

      grateful you can join the parade 🙂

      Like

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